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Today, I was walking into the building I hoped to work in someday with my resume, ready to be interviewed. As I walked through the doors I had to sneeze, so lifted my hands and sneezed a huge bloody booger right in the middle of the cover page. Turns out future employers don't like that. FML

#6447177
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23620) - you deserved it (6883)

On 11/25/2009 at 3:25pm - work - by ZombieLicker (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was on the phone with an elderly customer at work. I had to spend 10 minutes listening to him describe how the underwear he bought was too tight and caused his bladder to leak. FML

#14913113
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23619) - you deserved it (2439)

On 02/09/2011 at 7:41pm - work - by spiderchick23 (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I found a schedule in my dorm room that I share with three other guys. Looking at it closer I realized it was my schedule with notes written in all around it. My roommates have planned their entire days around mine so we won't have any interaction at all. I thought we got along great. FML

#14075452
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23618) - you deserved it (3578)

On 12/03/2010 at 8:09pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I went to the store and bought some cream to help with a sunburn I'd gotten a few days ago. What's worse than having red, peeling, and painful skin? An allergic reaction on top of it. FML

#8094322
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23617) - you deserved it (2394)

On 02/10/2010 at 3:59pm - health - by anonymous - United States

Today, I was flipping out because I couldn't find my wallet, and after several hours of cussing myself out, I went downstairs to make breakfast. I poured cereal into my bowl and my wallet flopped out with the Honey Nut Cheerios. I need to stop drinking. FML

#21267969
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23619) - you deserved it (34641)

On 09/29/2014 at 10:13pm - misc - by KasSmoke - United States (Texas)

Today, I learned that my mother counts my jeans as two pairs when she counts how many she's putting in for a load of wash. I've gotten that fat. FML

#20641701
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23615) - you deserved it (35383)

On 05/04/2013 at 8:41pm - misc - by Fatty Fatty Fatso (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I angrily tweeted about having fruitlessly searched for over an hour for my car keys. Minutes later, some guy told me to check beneath the "stack of skid-marked underwear" on my bedroom floor. I'm not sure if it was a lucky guess, or if I should start carrying mace. FML

#19247785
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23614) - you deserved it (5763)

On 03/09/2012 at 9:09pm - misc - by skid kid (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I learned that when I got my driver's permit, I agreed to be the designated driver for my family. FML

#17990354
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23612) - you deserved it (3811)

On 10/15/2011 at 2:54pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I got back to work. Last week, my divorce was finalized and my last name is, once again, my maiden name. Since I'm a teacher, all my students will remember me by my ex-husband's last name. I get to be reminded every day that my marriage failed until everyone memorizes my maiden name. FML

#20059793
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23613) - you deserved it (3603)

On 09/05/2012 at 11:27pm - work - by divorcee - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I went to a club. The only guy who asked me to dance introduced himself as "Bird Dog." FML

#17583731
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23610) - you deserved it (3185)

On 08/26/2011 at 3:35am - love - by EpicMayonnaise (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had four teeth pulled, and my mom brought me some ice cream to help with the pain. I fell asleep before I could finish it, and without realising, I left the bowl on my bed. I woke up a few hours later with ice cream spilled all over me, my pants, and all over my now-dead phone. FML

#9131869
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23609) - you deserved it (9751)

On 03/16/2010 at 1:40pm - health - by hkkilla - United States

Today, I opened the freezer for some Poptarts and a giant block of meat fell and broke my toe. FML

#8248979
233 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23605) - you deserved it (6041)

On 02/14/2010 at 1:05pm - misc - by freakingow (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I realized that the "eyelash curling brush" that my best friend found in my old bathroom drawer was actually a stick used for cleaning food out of my sister's braces. I used that thing for years. FML

#20519962
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23604) - you deserved it (12644)

On 02/24/2013 at 9:30am - misc - by curly_eyelashes - Canada (Ontario)



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