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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I tried whitening my teeth with an off-brand product. It didn't whiten my teeth, but it did burn parts of my gums off. FML

#19563057
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20172) - you deserved it (6681)

On 05/02/2012 at 11:19am - health - by gumless - United States

Today, I went to a Mexican restaurant with my family. I got stuck trying to decide whether I should get the fajitas or the tacos. I ended up getting the tacos because I didn't want the fajitas to come in sizzling, and I didn't want to "make a scene". My social anxiety has hit a new low. FML

#19211416
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20168) - you deserved it (5417)

On 03/03/2012 at 10:09pm - misc - by mexicandelicacy (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my boyfriend of two years kept digging around in his belly button and smelling his fingers. At one point he shoved his fingers in my face and told me to smell his belly button. He's 27 years old. FML

#19200662
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20168) - you deserved it (3933)

On 03/02/2012 at 1:26am - misc - by smellybelly (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I ran out of the house after my dog, tripped and knocked myself out on the railing by the front step. I woke up to my little brother lifting up the back of my dress for the neighborhood to see. FML

#19682386
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20168) - you deserved it (2157)

On 05/26/2012 at 7:06am - kids - by Never Work With Animals or Children (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I spent an hour and a half trying to rid my house of smoke and burnt plastic smell because my little sister didn't know she was supposed to add water in the package of microwaveable mac and cheese. FML

#7235673
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20167) - you deserved it (2781)

On 01/09/2010 at 12:45pm - misc - by Justaddwater - France

Today, for my boyfriends 21st birthday, I wore sexy lingerie, put on a naughty librarian outfit and did a strip tease for him. He just laughed. FML

#7336646
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20167) - you deserved it (4608)

On 01/14/2010 at 10:56am - intimacy - by Nosexytime - United States

Today, I was on a first date. She asked what I do, so I replied "I create adverts." She then yelled, "F**k you" and left. FML

#19488696
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20167) - you deserved it (3907)

On 04/18/2012 at 4:48am - love - by James C (man) - United Kingdom (Stoke-on-Trent)

Today, my boss threw out the report I wrote for the board of directors. He said that if it were legal, he'd smash me in the balls with a brick for using Comic Sans. I had to do the whole thing again in another font with my coworkers snickering at me. FML

#21238351
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20167) - you deserved it (49388)

On 08/15/2014 at 5:35pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I discovered that just because I got my braces removed does not mean my painful mouth ulcers will stop. I now have them under my tongue. I can't even lick my lips. FML

#14541152
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20162) - you deserved it (2213)

On 01/11/2011 at 1:38am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I was having sex with a girl. While we were fooling around, she started squeezing my cheeks and told me I remind her of her son. FML

#8434762
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20159) - you deserved it (3034)

On 02/19/2010 at 2:41am - intimacy - by Brett meek - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I went shopping with my new "It's true, I'm a Ninja" shirt on. Suddenly an apple comes and hits me right in the eye. A little boy runs up to me, yells "You aren't a Ninja! A Ninja would have caught that!", and runs off. FML

#13756412
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20161) - you deserved it (59023)

On 11/07/2010 at 8:13pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I'm being admitted to the hospital for severe exhaustion. Why am I exhausted? For spending 12 hours at the hospital while my sister gave birth. The same hospital I'm being admitted to. FML

#17810811
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20153) - you deserved it (5283)

On 09/23/2011 at 1:47am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, my boyfriend promised me he wouldn't leave me alone in Niagara. I'm currently sitting alone in the hotel room drinking a bottle of wine while he gambles away money he doesn't have. FML

#20116235
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20152) - you deserved it (3090)

On 10/14/2012 at 8:43am - love - by lonelygirl - Canada (Ontario)



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