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Today, I got a promotion. I was really excited until I realized that the only friend I had to celebrate with was my pet cat. FML

#13496435
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23849) - you deserved it (4822)

On 10/18/2010 at 7:27am - work - by ktwithaq (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I came home and told my mom that I got the lead in the school musical, which I was very happy about. She pulled me into a hug then said, "But you know you can't really sing, right?" FML

#18644293
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23850) - you deserved it (2590)

On 12/29/2011 at 1:39pm - misc - by tickle spunk - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I learned that, when you ask your girlfriend "Do you think we're having sex too often?" she might interpret it as, "I don't think we should have sex ever again," and entirely stop talking to you. FML

#21398912
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23850) - you deserved it (10691)

On 04/24/2015 at 7:38am - intimacy - by Sexless from Texas - United States (Texas)

Today, I was at a window seat on a bus full of people when I saw a person lying motionless in a gutter. I jumped up, nearly hysterical, screaming for the driver to stop because there was a guy really hurt on the road. An emergency stop and huge commotion ensued. It turned out to be some garbage. FML

Today, my girlfriend threw my X-box out the window, because I asked her how much she weighs. FML

#14023923
295 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23848) - you deserved it (50733)

On 11/29/2010 at 2:09pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, I was at a restaurant with my boyfriend. He wound up drinking a whole bottle of wine, and when the bill came he drunkenly yelled at the waiter, claiming it should be free, because he's in the military "fighting for your freedom". He's a mechanic in the National Guard. FML

#20443881
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23847) - you deserved it (3854)

On 01/05/2013 at 4:56pm - love - by so embarrassed (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I went to bring my 92-year-old neighbor some cake we had just made. When I walked in, she was wearing pants. That's it. I stared blinking in shock for a few seconds before running away, yelling, "So sorry. I brought you cake. Real tired. Gonna sleep now. Bye." FML

#21409137
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23859) - you deserved it (3019)

On 05/12/2015 at 8:33pm - misc - by Nikki (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I got a nose bleed in the ladies bathroom. An old lady comes out of a stall and says, "Oh, your nose is bleeding. Well I shit my pants. I'm sure it'll come out in the wash." FML

#17100769
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23843) - you deserved it (2242)

On 07/13/2011 at 11:15pm - health - by stephiew - United States (Georgia)

Today, I found my childhood diary stashed in a box in the attic. I flipped to the last page and noticed a little note written by my now deceased father. It read, "Well son, this diary proves that you're a whiny asshole - Dad." Thanks Dad, from beyond the grave. FML

#20161095
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23844) - you deserved it (3991)

On 11/12/2012 at 9:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend, her pet bird whistled a tune she'd been trying to teach it. She stopped and congratulated it, and I took the chance to move it to the other room to prevent further distraction. She got mad and wouldn't let me back in bed because I just "untrained it." FML

#13432700
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23842) - you deserved it (6959)

On 10/13/2010 at 10:03am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I took off the training wheels of my niece's bike. I tried to show her how to ride it, but she told me to get off because I needed a fat girl's bike. FML

#19510185
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23842) - you deserved it (6087)

On 04/22/2012 at 8:09am - kids - by Mary Kathryn (woman) - United States (California)

Today, for the second day in a row, I was constantly abused, yelled at, insulted, and berated by my wife for "endangering our child's life." I took her to the doctor for a vaccination and flu shot yesterday. FML

#20121390
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23842) - you deserved it (3382)

On 10/17/2012 at 6:58pm - love - by DrugsRX (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, is my 21st birthday. My friends took me to a bar to celebrate, knowing I don't drink. I am now in charge of driving my friends home after they had an awesome night. FML

#13081151
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23841) - you deserved it (8677)

On 09/17/2010 at 12:02am - misc - by happy bday - Canada (Alberta)



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