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Today, I visited my new doctor for the migraines I've been getting lately. Right from the start, I could have sworn the guy was on drugs. He just listened to my heartbeat, said, "Well Dave, it sounds like gallstones" and said they'll pass naturally. FML

#19793957
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21354) - you deserved it (1538)

On 06/15/2012 at 7:31pm - health - by davav74 (man) - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)

Today, we had our friends over for dinner, one of whom is a psychiatrist. After a few drinks, my drunk wife and the equally drunk psychiatrist began to analyze my various character flaws. FML

#7969441
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21350) - you deserved it (2424)

On 02/07/2010 at 10:37am - misc - by bystander (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I picked up a warm blanket that just came out of the dryer. Despite wearing pants, the static electricity from the blanket delivered a shock straight to my crotch. FML

#19146021
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21349) - you deserved it (3729)

On 02/23/2012 at 1:01pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I was alone in my dorm room rehearsing comments to make in my writing class tomorrow. I grew up with a severe stutter, and rehearsing like this is one of the ways I keep my speech under control. What I didn't plan on was my roommate walking in. I think she now thinks I'm schizophrenic. FML

#13846681
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21348) - you deserved it (2501)

On 11/14/2010 at 10:43pm - misc - by stutterernotschizophrenic (woman) -

Today, a lady on the bus came up to me and asked if she could sit down. Thinking she meant the seat next to me, I said sure. She meant my lap. FML

#20198778
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21349) - you deserved it (1818)

On 12/10/2012 at 5:13am - misc - by LLCK - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was on an Easyjet flight, next to two attractive girls, listening to a track which starts with a woman pleasuring herself. I don't like this track so I go to skip it but accidentally unplug my headphones, activating my phone speakers and revealing the said woman at the peak of her orgasm. FML

#121719
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21347) - you deserved it (51431)

On 02/24/2009 at 6:57am - intimacy - by Byron fiddles (man) - Hungary (Budapest)

Today, I was put on notice at work due to my "anger problem." Apparently, sighing in a meeting means you will be labeled as someone with a short temper. However the creepy stalker guy is on the fast track to management. FML

#17694865
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21348) - you deserved it (2641)

On 09/08/2011 at 4:23am - work - by blue (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I received more affection from my wife in a video game than I ever have in real life. FML

#19128091
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21349) - you deserved it (3849)

On 02/21/2012 at 12:01am - love - by bloodshedblack - United States (Colorado)

Today, I finally noticed how lonely I am when I realized I was petting my couch while reading a book. FML

#21305429
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21350) - you deserved it (2738)

On 11/24/2014 at 9:17pm - misc - by Hammy - United States (Michigan)

Today, I went on a date with a guy I met on-line. While cuddling on the couch, he asked me for a blow job. I refused. He said, "But I thought big girls liked doing that." FML

#7390667
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21346) - you deserved it (5444)

On 01/17/2010 at 12:30am - intimacy - by writer4life (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had to take my 15-year-old daughter to remove the handcuffs her father had placed on her as a joke. He didn't know they were real. FML

#19551468
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21343) - you deserved it (2115)

On 04/30/2012 at 12:44am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I waited in line at Subway. There were two people in front of me. The first lady had seven sandwiches and the second lady had four. So after patiently waiting, I ordered my sandwich, only to have my credit card declined. FML

#13453945
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21339) - you deserved it (10667)

On 10/15/2010 at 12:06am - misc - by bcf1234 (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was fixing a leak in the roof. When I was climbing down the ladder, it fell, but I managed to grab the ledge of the roof. The ladder hit my wife's car, then I fell on top of the ladder. My wife came running out to ask what happened to the car. FML

#19478147
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21338) - you deserved it (2306)

On 04/16/2012 at 11:52am - health - by fhe - Puerto Rico



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