Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I'm seven months into a twelve month deployment. I called my fiancée, and she dumped me. The worst part is that two days ago, I re-enlisted to go to a unit an hour away from her house. FML

#8846079
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24780) - you deserved it (2136)

On 03/05/2010 at 3:21pm - misc - by copenhagen20 - United States (Armed Forces Africa)

Today, I took my 8 month-old to the Urgent Care due to extreme constipation. I spent $25 for my son to poop on me the second the doctor had me remove his diaper. FML

#17360592
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24780) - you deserved it (3757)

On 08/03/2011 at 10:43pm - kids - by CrappyLuck - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my virgin girlfriend who wanted to lose her virginity to me got on Google, and quizzed me on how to properly put on a condom. She doesn't trust me. FML

#13764909
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24778) - you deserved it (7861)

On 11/08/2010 at 1:23pm - intimacy - by wow (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house and had to go to the bathroom. While peeing, I had a cough attack. The cough shook my body, making me pee all over my pants. My girlfriend's parents just arrived. FML

#14669147
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24778) - you deserved it (4256)

On 01/22/2011 at 12:36am - misc - by GuillermoCJ - Mexico (Baja California)

Today, I noticed a little white ball in the corner of my bedroom ceiling. I guess it had been there for a while already, but the teeming mass of baby spiders crawling out made it a lot more conspicuous. FML

#19612564
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24777) - you deserved it (3108)

On 05/12/2012 at 4:48pm - animals - by aliqi (man) - United States

Today, I felt really depressed so I decided to go to McDonald's, get a sundae and cheer myself up. I got pulled over by the cops on the way, and was given a ticket for an expired registration. McDonald's was closed. FML

#13596248
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24776) - you deserved it (11276)

On 10/25/2010 at 10:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I was napping when my little brother cut off huge chunks of my hair. He thought it would turn me into the older brother he always wanted. He's 8. FML

#19756804
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24774) - you deserved it (1875)

On 06/08/2012 at 7:44pm - kids - by TimeForAHairCut - United States (Oregon)

Today, my house got broken into. They just made a mess. I saw a note on the kitchen table that read "There's nothing good here. You have shitty stuff." FML

#20025968
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24774) - you deserved it (2696)

On 08/17/2012 at 3:45am - misc - by Sarah - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my teacher's comments on my essay read, "I know it's college, but you use a lot of unnecessary words with a lot of syllables." He basically scolded me for having a complex vocabulary. I go to an accredited state university. Nothing says "America" like under-achieving professors. FML

#20100352
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24773) - you deserved it (7691)

On 10/03/2012 at 7:00pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I found out that my boyfriend isn't gay. Apparently, I just give good head. FML

#7538814
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24773) - you deserved it (6608)

On 01/24/2010 at 3:55am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I accidentally sat on my sister's imaginary monkey. She then stabbed me with a pencil. I still can't get the piece of graphite out of my hand. FML

#21430170
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24771) - you deserved it (2289)

On 06/22/2015 at 3:10pm - kids - by vkryss13 - Guam

Today, my boyfriend and I decided it was time to lose our virginity. After our clothes were removed, we spent 30 minutes trying to figure out how to actually have sex, and eventually gave up. FML

#19249528
604 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24770) - you deserved it (55367)

On 03/10/2012 at 2:23am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, the phone kept ringing so I picked it up and answered. When there was no response, it took a minute to realize that I was still in bed and talking to my hand. FML

#21418531
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24770) - you deserved it (4376)

On 05/31/2015 at 11:51am - misc - by Sleepy (woman) - United States (Armed Forces Europe, Middle East)



FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie replies #1
  • Hello all you crybabies, from Land's End to John o' Groats. Yes, I'm finally here my lovelies. Since last week, my inbox hasn't stopped humming with the noise of new mail dropping into it, letters full…

Friday 31 July 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: