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Today, I was bitched out by my supervisor because of my lack of "customer service" skills. I work at a jail and all my "customers" are criminals. FML

#20152272
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22763) - you deserved it (4104)

On 11/07/2012 at 12:48am - work - by jailofc (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my boyfriend and I went on a 1 day cruise to the Bahamas. It happened to be on the same day of the worst sailing conditions. We spent 6 hours throwing up together. Him into the sink, and me into the toilet. We spent $200 to see the inside of our cabin's bathroom. FML

#8280638
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22761) - you deserved it (3057)

On 02/15/2010 at 12:03am - love - by SeaSick (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, whilst reading all 15 pages of this site, my French girlfriend asked me over my shoulder for translations, such as "What is buttsex?", "What is wanking?", and "What means farted?" FML

#513
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22758) - you deserved it (5870)

On 12/14/2008 at 8:14am - intimacy - by james - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my roommate drew a giant red penis and scrotum on our refrigerator, using what he thought was a dry erase marker. It was a permanent marker. I just renewed my lease. I get to look at a red penis every day for the next year and a half. FML

#6760576
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22756) - you deserved it (4473)

On 12/15/2009 at 2:08am - misc - by Will (man) - United States

Today, I noticed my wife makes more satisfied groans when she's taking a big dump than she does when we make love. FML

#4992534
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22756) - you deserved it (6212)

On 09/02/2009 at 1:56am - intimacy - by turdburger (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I accidentally cut myself with a razor blade on my toe. Not only does it sting really badly, but it reinforces the fact that I have abnormally hairy toes that need to be shaved. FML

#6141684
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22755) - you deserved it (4730)

On 11/03/2009 at 8:44pm - misc - by scaryhairy (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my mother-in-law moved into my wife's two-bedroom apartment. She's quite possibly the reincarnation of Hitler himself, and she'll be staying until this time next year. FML

#18797635
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22754) - you deserved it (2083)

On 01/13/2012 at 5:58pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my fiancée's OCD hit a new low when she screamed at me for flicking the light-switch off "the wrong way". This led to her flicking it on and off about a dozen times, followed by a twenty-minute lecture on how to do it "properly". We're getting married next month. FML

#19987750
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22754) - you deserved it (7960)

On 07/27/2012 at 5:23pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Romania (Bucuresti)

Today, my best friend who I've had serious feelings for for over a year decided to tell everyone that he hasn't gotten laid in almost 2 years. When I told him that he was lying, he responded with "No, I'm not. Who could I possibly have slept with?" We hooked up 6 months ago. 3 times. FML

#4993116
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22756) - you deserved it (3497)

On 09/02/2009 at 2:33am - intimacy - by sexytime (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I found my pit bull after three weeks of frantic searching. When we returned home, I put out food and water for him. I went to get him and found him in my room, wagging his tail at me. He had peed on my comforter, freshly folded clothes, and new 60 dollar winter coat. Welcome home, Caine. FML

#6602285
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22752) - you deserved it (5967)

On 12/04/2009 at 5:18pm - misc - by dogless (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, as I went to the bathroom in a port-a-potty at a park, I forgot to lock the door. A little girl opens the door and then slams it right away. As she walked away I heard her say "no, there's a man in there". I'm a woman. FML

#7224292
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22753) - you deserved it (5078)

On 01/08/2010 at 9:09pm - misc - by crappy_day (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, feeling romantic and overwhelmed with love, I told my fiancée: "I don't know what I'd do without you." She replied: "Well, you'd wank". FML

#591
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22751) - you deserved it (5411)

On 12/25/2008 at 1:07am - intimacy - by Nicos - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was upset after my boyfriend and I broke up. My best friend heard and told me she would be right over. Three hours of waiting later she stumbles in wasted. She had been at the bar, with my ex, making sure he was okay. For me, I just got a list of all the drinks she had that night. FML

#9004335
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22750) - you deserved it (2017)

On 03/11/2010 at 7:22pm - love - by dreadedmafia86 (woman) - United States (Ohio)



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