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Today, it's Saturday. While all my friends go out to have fun, I get my excitement thinking about how I'll be sleeping with a new pillow. FML

by soy_un_perderdor / 12/13/2009 at 2:14am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I sat in on a university-level physics lecture, listening to my hyped-up co-students approximating the hypothetical situation of the Sun consisting of gerbils. The conversation then continued towards how much better energy/mass ratio the gerbil-sun would have compared to the actual star. FML

Today, I found out what it feels like to get hit in the head with a bat. Not the wooden kind though. The one that bites and claws you when it gets stuck in your hair. FML

by CA19oo / 03/19/2012 at 9:03pm / United States (Georgia) / Animals

Today, I went on a date with a great girl; we went out to dinner and saw a movie. After the movie, we went out to my car to find out that a homeless man had broken the window, climbed into it, and was eating the leftover pasta with his fingers. FML

by Alec / 12/10/2012 at 2:01am / United States / Transportation

Today, it's either be alone and miserable, or go on shitty dates and be miserable. I have no other options. FML

by mr1234 / 12/01/2014 at 11:01pm / United States (California) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I rang British Gas to cancel my boiler cover, as I'm totally and utterly skint. I told her the reason was I was getting divorced, moving house, losing my job and had no income at all. She was very sympathetic, and said "how would you like to pay your £37 cancellation fee?" FML

by shellbom / 11/17/2009 at 4:33pm / United Kingdom (Northamptonshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, it was my twenty-first birthday, and a couple of friends took me out to celebrate. After ordering us shots throughout the night, my friends took off abruptly, leaving me with my very first bar tab. FML

by Chamorru / 08/11/2012 at 1:53pm / Finland (Southern Finland) / Money

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I discovered that my ex-girlfriend writes erotic fiction describing all of my moves in intimate detail. The whole internet gets to critique my entire sexual repertoire. FML

by Notsurewhattofeelaboutthis / 08/06/2015 at 10:55pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy

Today, my fiancée said that our relationship is doomed because an astrologer said so. We only have a few more days until our wedding and she won't listen to a word I say. FML

by Anonymous / 08/06/2012 at 1:03am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I got yelled at and called a pedo by a mother after I sat down in a swing next to her daughter. I was too embarrassed to tell her that I'm a 20 year old who really does enjoy swinging in my spare time. FML

by CA19oo / 05/27/2012 at 9:13am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, while picking up a birthday cake, I was screamed at by an upset woman for getting special attention from the bakers, and that I was nothing more than an attention-hogging slut. The bakers are my co-workers and I was picking my cake up on my day off. FML

by Anonymous / 12/12/2012 at 10:05am / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, while driving during rush hour, I was singing so loudly that some jackass in the car next to me felt he should get my attention by throwing a wadded-up McDonald's bag through my open window, hitting me in the face with it, and telling me to shut up. FML

by authorx / 06/27/2013 at 12:39am / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation

Today, my girlfriend uninvited to me a party because she said her ex would be there, and since she hasn't told him about us, she didn't want him getting upset. FML

by Anonymous / 08/28/2015 at 3:21am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love