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Today, while working security at the mall, someone shat his pants. The shit dripped all over the floor and escalator. I was the one who had to stand near the poop so no one stepped in it. FML

by mallcop / 02/14/2010 at 12:07am / United States (Massachusetts) / Work

Today, I was talking with my mother. As we went to say goodbye, she said "I love you". Out of habit of saying I love you to my girlfriend, I said, "Love you too babe". FML

by _1CrazyEyes1_ / 04/07/2015 at 7:57pm / Virgin Islands, U.S. / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my boss fired me because of the way I laugh. Apparently it reminds him too much of his ex-wife's laugh. I'm a guy. FML

by Johnnogood / 10/09/2012 at 9:57am / United States (New York) / Work

Today, I went to pick a penny off of the ground for good luck. Someone kneed me in the butt, I fell face first and broke my glasses. FML

by Anonymous / 04/13/2012 at 5:43am / Canada / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to repeatedly explain to an increasingly angry lady that no, she couldn't get an ultrasound by using a referral letter from her psychic. FML

by 360whoroscoped / 01/16/2015 at 1:05pm / United States (Minnesota) / Work

Today, I got yelled at and called a pedo by a mother after I sat down in a swing next to her daughter. I was too embarrassed to tell her that I'm a 20 year old who really does enjoy swinging in my spare time. FML

by CA19oo / 05/27/2012 at 9:13am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out my mom is getting rid of cable TV. My dad and I bought her a 700 dollar plasma screen TV for Christmas. FML

by Anonymous / 12/24/2009 at 2:45pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Money

Today, I finally jumped high enough to dunk on the ten foot rim. I caught my tooth on the net and nearly pulled my tooth out. FML

by supermanxs1 / 03/09/2010 at 10:32am / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, I discovered that most of my family is homophobic while discussing Orange Is The New Black. I've only come out to my sister. FML

by imgay / 06/22/2015 at 10:20pm / Argentina (Distrito Federal) / Miscellaneous

Today, it was my twenty-first birthday, and a couple of friends took me out to celebrate. After ordering us shots throughout the night, my friends took off abruptly, leaving me with my very first bar tab. FML

by Chamorru / 08/11/2012 at 1:53pm / Finland (Southern Finland) / Money

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, while working at the daycare, I had to clean the entire place. During the next four hours, I scooped up three human teeth, a rotten log of shit, a tire iron, a condom wrapper, and a yogurt that expired in 2003. I only cleaned the place a week ago. FML

by Skidmark Sally / 10/07/2012 at 5:41pm / United States (New Mexico) / Kids

Today, my friend was complaining about about her new boyfriend. Playing around, I told her that he sounded a lot like my ex. He is. FML

by Anonymous / 11/17/2015 at 5:20am / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, my family came to see me in my first acting role in Romeo and Juliet. It all went reasonably well for the first half hour or so, after which my seemingly shitfaced aunt started heckling and saying "that's what she said" after every line, before eventually being thrown out by security. FML

by Mandy / 09/16/2011 at 8:25pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Work