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Today, at a concert, I noticed a cute keytarist in one of the bands. After they got off stage, I asked their bass player if she was single. He replied, "actually, she's married," holding up his left hand, he continued, "to me." FML

#1215114
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22214) - you deserved it (42591)

On 04/22/2009 at 2:44am - misc - by fastfingers409 - United States (California)

Today, my wife checked the time while we were having sex. Twice. FML

#13622305
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22214) - you deserved it (14474)

On 10/28/2010 at 1:05am - intimacy - by unsatisfying (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I took off the training wheels of my niece's bike. I tried to show her how to ride it, but she told me to get off because I needed a fat girl's bike. FML

#19510185
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22214) - you deserved it (5876)

On 04/22/2012 at 8:09am - kids - by Mary Kathryn (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I fainted for the first time in my life. I was in the shower. With my girlfriend. Apparently, my brain and my erection had a battle for who got the most blood, and my erection won. FML

#6583595
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22213) - you deserved it (3167)

On 12/03/2009 at 12:50pm - intimacy - by Silent - United Kingdom (Hampshire)

Today, after staying in bed all day for a week from sickness, I get up to tell my mom I have terrible back pain and feel extremely dizzy. After curling up on the chair next to her, not being able to keep my head up for too long, she simply stares at me and says, "Can I finish my dinner now?" FML

#13720258
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22213) - you deserved it (4906)

On 11/04/2010 at 10:22pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)

Today, I walked into the kitchen to eat some breakfast. I got a full visual of my drunk neighbor dancing naked in my backyard. FML

#19297071
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22211) - you deserved it (1841)

On 03/17/2012 at 10:41pm - misc - by vanorav (man) - United States (California)

Today, in a big argument, my sister uninvited my mom to her wedding. Trying to comfort my mom, I rented Mamma Mia knowing she's wanted to see it for a while. Turns out, Mamma Mia is a mother/daughter feel-good about the daughters wedding. I had no idea, and my mom cried the whole movie. FML

#1386673
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22209) - you deserved it (67053)

On 04/27/2009 at 8:54am - love - by mammamia (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my dad thought it would be OK to make sound effects for everything he did, in a public park, with me tagging along behind. FML

#17078308
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22209) - you deserved it (3132)

On 07/12/2011 at 8:19am - kids - by SaggyBoy135 - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I got caught shoplifting a toothbrush. I'm flat broke and my roommate used my old one to scrub out her cat's puke stains off the carpet. FML

#19997834
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22209) - you deserved it (17025)

On 08/02/2012 at 2:53am - money - by busted - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I dressed in my sexiest clothes to meet my new boyfriend at a restaurant. As I was a bit early, I took the opportunity to smoke a cigarette outside while I waited. The restaurant owner came out and said, "Hey, you. Go and 'work' somewhere else, please." FML

#600
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22208) - you deserved it (16320)

On 12/26/2008 at 1:32am - misc - by Lola - Sent from mobile version

Today, after math class, the resident creepy kid approached me and asked me out. I've only spoken to him twice before, so I was creeped out, and I politely declined. He totally lost it, and shouted that I'm a "friend-zoning bitch" before storming out of the room. FML

#20072034
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22207) - you deserved it (3215)

On 09/14/2012 at 8:03pm - love - by wow kid just leave me alone (woman) - United States

Today, my mom came home from surgery. Upon arriving home, she flashed a paper in my face and said, "Want to see pictures of my colon?" My eyes are still burning. FML

#18703060
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22205) - you deserved it (2779)

On 01/04/2012 at 1:15am - health - by emsbuffalo - United States

Today, I was house-sitting for some friends of my grandparents while they are out of town. While I was in the shower, the dog decided to take my dirty underwear and run. There is now a pair of lacy, black underwear hidden somewhere this giant house, and they return tomorrow. FML

#19421032
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22205) - you deserved it (2846)

On 04/07/2012 at 12:32am - animals - by day001313 (woman) - United States (Oregon)



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