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Today, I was the designated driver for my friend's 21st birthday. On the way home from the bar, he threw up all the pasta and tequila he'd had onto the back seat of my car, and told me it was part of his whole party plan. FML

#13457559
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22278) - you deserved it (3631)

On 10/15/2010 at 10:08am - misc - by IhatebeingtheDD - United States

Today, my boyfriend kindly informed me that if I ever got bitten during a zombie apocalypse, he'd love me enough to beat me to death with a tire iron. He said this because he's been having vivid dreams about it happening. I honestly don't know whether he's joking or not. FML

#17775098
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22274) - you deserved it (3097)

On 09/18/2011 at 8:23pm - love - by DeadScared (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I decided to go on a diet to lose some weight before summer. This was followed by the arrival of a giant parcel full of candy from my mother. FML

#10481687
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22272) - you deserved it (5397)

On 05/12/2010 at 5:49am - health - by nick - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I knocked over a display case at a mall, shattering hundreds of dollars in goods. Embarrassed, I tried to scurry out of the nearest door without being seen. I scuttled right into the janitor's closet, the door automatically locking behind me. I waited for an hour to be let out. FML

#20784911
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22271) - you deserved it (43604)

On 07/15/2013 at 7:36pm - money - by Jer (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I went to Safeway. The security guard wouldn't stop staring at my boobs. When I confronted him about it he told me that they looked fake and he was making sure I didn't stuff my bra with stolen items. FML

#19725175
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22270) - you deserved it (4335)

On 06/03/2012 at 3:45am - misc - by ilovezim29 - United States (California)

Today, I woke up and went to go have a shower. The trouble is, my bedroom door is broken and will no longer open. My mother's idea of helping was pushing a note under the door saying she'll be back in a couple of hours. FML

Today, I was in a hurry to get something out of the oven, so I quickly grabbed my roommate's only oven mitt and grabbed the pan in the oven. It didn't take long to figure out there was a hole in it when my thumb hit the hot pan. FML

#17735625
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22269) - you deserved it (3573)

On 09/13/2011 at 10:48am - health - by .. - United States (Florida)

Today, I had to sit in the hospital with my 88-year-old grandfather by myself. During the five hours I was there, he insisted on sharing the intimate details of his many sexcapades that he has had since World War II. FML

#19375039
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22270) - you deserved it (2616)

On 03/30/2012 at 7:32am - intimacy - by kawood (woman) - United States

Today, I woke up to an angry text from my roommate asking me to please let her know next time I'm going to have a friend crashing on the couch. I have no idea who she's talking about. FML

#20038307
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22269) - you deserved it (1446)

On 08/23/2012 at 10:00pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, I overheard a conversation between a coworker and a new employee. The new girl was trying to get familiar with people's names, and she asked my coworker, "Which one is Heather?" He answered, "The annoying one." She said, "Oh, that's Heather." I'm Heather. FML

#13625422
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22267) - you deserved it (7581)

On 10/28/2010 at 10:19am - work - by kaz89 (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, after getting an expensive haircut, I showed it to my boyfriend. Instead of saying, "Wow, those bangs look great on you" he said, "Wow, you look really good when you don't show your forehead." FML

#13722404
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22266) - you deserved it (4149)

On 11/05/2010 at 1:05am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was going over some paperwork with my back to my office door. As I turn around, my boss enters and says my name loudly. I was startled so bad that I jumped, yelped, and a high-pitched fart snuck out. Everyone in the office now gives prior notice before dropping by the "fart guy's" office. FML

#7198601
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22264) - you deserved it (4018)

On 01/07/2010 at 12:44pm - work - by Mic (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my car got acquainted with about 3 dozen eggs. FML

#17924502
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22263) - you deserved it (2962)

On 10/06/2011 at 11:21pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States



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