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Today, I changed my 2009 new year's resolution to lose my virginity to my 2010 new year's resolution. FML

#7119035
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15726) - you deserved it (4550)

On 01/03/2010 at 2:41am - intimacy - by stillavirgin (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was woken up by my neighbour's dog losing its mind, and I remembered reading a story about someone ignoring a dog and later finding out that their car had been stolen. Paranoid, I went outside to check on mine. Nope. Just the damn dog barking at one thirty in the morning. FML

#19219281
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15723) - you deserved it (3169)

On 03/05/2012 at 5:28am - misc - by DamnDogs (woman) - Canada

Today, I was going to attempt to compliment my girlfriend, I planned on telling her that she smelled really nice. In a loving tone, I confidently told her, "Baby, you have a certain stench to you." FML

#318197
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15722) - you deserved it (105058)

On 03/14/2009 at 7:05am - love - by DSM (man) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, I organized a romantic evening with one of my old squeezes in the hopes I may re-ignite something special. She showed up at 8 and told me she had to leave by 9. She was gone by 8:30. FML

#2715
13 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15719) - you deserved it (4147)

On 01/26/2009 at 5:56pm - love - by LDL - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I called my girlfriend saying "I think we need to break up." She said "No, I don't think so," and hung up. FML

#19387601
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15719) - you deserved it (28885)

On 04/01/2012 at 10:03am - love - by Jeff make - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I went to the beach with this boy I like. Not thinking it'd be anything more than a simple date, I didn't shave my downstairs. We were sitting on a towel and I laid down. Then he said, "Is there a squirrel in your pants?" FML

#13245157
234 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15717) - you deserved it (36856)

On 09/29/2010 at 1:59am - intimacy - by Claire (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my mom was giving me a long lecture about being aware of my surroundings, because you never know what's out there. While she was talking, I noticed a drug deal going down in the Walmart parking lot. She didn't notice. FML

#19626758
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15717) - you deserved it (1358)

On 05/15/2012 at 10:24am - misc - by observant (woman) - United States

Today, I was walking down the strip with a friend when we saw a homeless man with no arm. I felt bad, so I gave him some cash and I looked into his poor little eyes when he put out his arm for a hug. Without thinking, I hugged him. Right as I was thinking, "wtf am I doing," he kissed my boob. FML

#4021792
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15711) - you deserved it (46921)

On 07/25/2009 at 1:19am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, my mom found my pack of cigarettes. She's now making me go to rehab. I had only smoked one cigarette ever just to try it. I didn't even like it. FML

#12023644
316 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15707) - you deserved it (39620)

On 07/21/2010 at 12:08pm - misc - by Goody2shoes (man) - India (Maharashtra)

Today, I went to get a trim. However, follow-up damage control at home afterward shouldn't really be necessary on a fifty dollar haircut. FML

#13429842
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15709) - you deserved it (4616)

On 10/13/2010 at 1:28am - misc - by grow_fasterrr - (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my friends were coming to pick me up from volleyball practice. When their car pulled up, I jumped in. It was really quiet, so I looked up, only to find I had gotten in the wrong car. FML

Today, while in class, I desperately had to fart. Someone in the room had a coughing fit, so I took that as the chance to let it out. When I was about to release, the coughing stopped. I couldn't stop in time. FML

#16561931
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15707) - you deserved it (35704)

On 06/08/2011 at 12:47pm - love - by anonymous - United States (Louisiana)

Today, in the midst of foreplay, this girl tells me I am so hot, I respond "Ditto." She heatedly responds "I love ditto," to which I suavely reply "I didn't know you were into Pokémon. That may make you even sexier." She knows nothing about Pokémon, but I sure know how to kill the mood. FML

#3971030
313 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15705) - you deserved it (65974)

On 07/23/2009 at 2:42am - intimacy - by MitchFail (man) - United States



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