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Today, my boss fired me because of the way I laugh. Apparently it reminds him too much of his ex-wife's laugh. I'm a guy. FML

by Johnnogood / 10/09/2012 at 9:57am / United States (New York) / Work

Today, it was my twenty-first birthday, and a couple of friends took me out to celebrate. After ordering us shots throughout the night, my friends took off abruptly, leaving me with my very first bar tab. FML

by Chamorru / 08/11/2012 at 1:53pm / Finland (Southern Finland) / Money

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I had a panic attack. Not on a crowded train, or an airplane, or in school, or any of the expected places. It was in my yoga class, which my therapist recommended for me, while I was in a dead-body position. FML

by panickygrl / 11/06/2011 at 12:43pm / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, I went to pick a penny off of the ground for good luck. Someone kneed me in the butt, I fell face first and broke my glasses. FML

by Anonymous / 04/13/2012 at 5:43am / Canada / Miscellaneous

Today, my roommate decided to go vegan after watching a PETA video. She began this new-found lifestyle by throwing out all of the non-vegan items in the house, including some prime rib we had recently purchased, all of our ice cream, and my chocolate stash. FML

by Weasel123 / 10/26/2012 at 3:58am / United States (Oklahoma) / Health

Today, I finally jumped high enough to dunk on the ten foot rim. I caught my tooth on the net and nearly pulled my tooth out. FML

by supermanxs1 / 03/09/2010 at 10:32am / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, because I was the only manager scheduled, I went into work despite feeling sick to my stomach. While sitting down with a customer, I got the urge to throw up and tried to hold it back. Instead I vomited in my mouth, instinctively swallowed and started choking in front of the customer. FML

by Kristat / 04/01/2012 at 12:32am / United States / Work

Today, I got an expensive return bus ticket to visit my family 200 miles away. I accidentally tore the ticket when taking it from the machine, but the driver said not to worry, as it would still be accepted on the way back. Guess who's still 200 miles from home. FML

by dumbbus / 04/01/2015 at 7:24pm / United Kingdom (Stockton-on-Tees) / Transportation

Today, my long-distance boyfriend came to see me and told me that he had a surprise for me. I was excited at the idea of a romantic gesture, but forgot about it until he arrived and things began heating up. As I was removing his pants, I said, "Ooh, you shaved!" to which he replied, "Surprise!" FML

by mirandale / 07/02/2015 at 1:53am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I have -$700 in my current account, $500 from overdraft fees because I spent money they told me I had. I don't get paid till the 15th and when I cash in my paycheck all of it will go to bringing me even. So the $9 I found in my wallet this morning will have to last me untill the 30th. FML

by Celina / 01/12/2009 at 4:55am / United States (California) / Money

Today, my friends thought it would be a good idea to make fun of a homeless man. I didn't fancy making fun of the less fortunate, so I stayed a bit back. Still, the homeless man didn't think it would matter to throw a rock at me after my buddies ran away. FML

by Yay..... / 08/17/2010 at 12:21am / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my parents left on a trip. I wanted to invite my girlfriend over for a few days so we could spend them together. Then my grandparents turn up, "just for a few days, until your parents return, so you won't be alone in this big house." FML

by homealone / 05/03/2012 at 12:39am / Canada / Love

Today, I met a girl at the bar. Things were going really well and we ended up going back to her place. Problem? Her husband who normally works the graveyard shift was home sick. FML

by Anonymous / 12/19/2009 at 12:13am / United States (Connecticut) / Love