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Today, my deranged wife somehow became convinced that vampires actually exist. She's now walking around with garlic powder caked into her clothing. I can't get the smell out of my nostrils. FML

#20147303
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17717) - you deserved it (1837)

On 11/04/2012 at 1:14pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Norway (Oslo)

Today, I had an important interview. On the way there, I stopped in front of a car window to look at my reflection, checking I didn't have salad stuck between my teeth. Having pulled several faces, I realised that there were two girls inside the car, cracking up with laughter. FML

#419
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17716) - you deserved it (9644)

On 11/30/2008 at 5:51am - misc - by Groom - Sent from mobile version

Today, for the second time in 5 months I was recognized for my hard work, sincerity and all the adjectives that they use to describe good employees. What was my reward? A piece of chocolate. FML

#13523513
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17717) - you deserved it (3741)

On 10/20/2010 at 10:33am - work - by rewarded (man) - India (Delhi)

Today, I'm at work on a construction site for a high rise building, on the 12th floor today. I've developed a severe case of the runs, causing me to need to rush to the nearest toilet periodically. Luckily for me it's conveniently located on the ground floor. FML

#20154818
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17716) - you deserved it (1225)

On 11/08/2012 at 9:36am - health - by bob the builder - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I got fired from a job that I've had for four days for being too "secretive." Apparently, I was leaning over my notebook so that my boss couldn't stand behind me and read what I was writing. The email literally said I was "being too sneaky". They were work notes. FML

#20132367
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17715) - you deserved it (1348)

On 10/25/2012 at 2:59am - work - by TheHarvardian (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, right before a huge snowstorm hit our area, I broke up with my girlfriend. In her fury, she decided to grab my car keys and roll down all four windows in my car. I now have 2 feet of half melted snow in my backseat. FML

#7923030
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17710) - you deserved it (9411)

On 02/06/2010 at 12:12am - love - by snowman (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, during foreplay, I was trying to be sexy. But instead I fell off the bed, landed in the laundry basket, and was attacked by the dog. FML

#5163461
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17708) - you deserved it (4754)

On 09/10/2009 at 2:18am - intimacy - by Loveless (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I started my spring break. My college is letting the students stay in the dorms for break, so I figured that staying here would mean getting more sleep than going home. Not so much. The fire alarm has been going off every 20 mins since 7:30am because they're "fixing" it. FML

#8916498
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17709) - you deserved it (2894)

On 03/08/2010 at 9:46am - misc - by sleepy2010 (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, out of sheer boredom, I took a career personality test. The "best match" for me was the position of funeral director. Not only do I have a promising future with death, I got genuinely excited at how accurate the result was. FML

#17646578
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17705) - you deserved it (4219)

On 09/02/2011 at 6:53pm - work - by whattalife (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, as I was running a cute guy was coming towards me. As he was passing me, he yelled "nice tush!" I said thanks and slapped my ass flirtatiously. He stopped running, laughed and pointed to my crotch, replying "No, I said nice BUSH" I looked down to see my shorts had rode up a bit too high. FML

#1701817
282 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17702) - you deserved it (61209)

On 05/06/2009 at 8:20pm - misc - by schmoodles - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I trying to scrape the ice off my car, but wasn't having much luck. Frustrated, I kicked a clump off from the bumper. The clump didn't budge, but the entire front quarter panel fell off. FML

#14825880
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17702) - you deserved it (9217)

On 02/03/2011 at 12:02pm - misc - by ColdMN (man) - United States

Today, I went to dinner with my boyfriend. After we ordered, I started to unzip his fly really slowly. As I put my hand in his boxers, he stands up to greet his mom and dad who were joining us for dinner. FML

#868136
251 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17700) - you deserved it (98600)

On 04/08/2009 at 8:32am - misc - by cdoyle - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my girlfriend and I were having ice cream and I jokingly asked "What's better? The sex or ice cream?" Apparently I don't pleasure her like Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream does. FML

#4204058
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17698) - you deserved it (43246)

On 08/01/2009 at 10:08am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)



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