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Today, in the locker room at work, someone tried writing "douche bag" on my locker, and misspelled it four times before apparently giving up. FML

#19255450
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21675) - you deserved it (1840)

On 03/11/2012 at 1:39am - work - by The Last One (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated, and he started to go down on me. In excitement, I accidentally drove a knee into his face. No amount of fondling his diddlestick made him forgive me for his bloody nose and swollen eye. FML

#19289453
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21674) - you deserved it (11900)

On 03/16/2012 at 4:23pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland

Today, I was at a party, chatting up this guy while we were petting my friends dog. The dog had just been outside and was kinda wet, I assumed it was raining out. Just then someone came up and said "Um, that dog's covered in pee." Apparently someone peed off the deck onto the dog as it walked by. FML

#7093721
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21673) - you deserved it (2488)

On 01/01/2010 at 11:40pm - animals - by ninjapup (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my girlfriend claimed she was a Viking because she's pale and has blond hair. She also warned me that if I piss her off she'll go 'berserk' on me. She demonstrated by smacking me in the nuts with a wooden spoon. FML

#20167650
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21669) - you deserved it (3027)

On 11/18/2012 at 2:45am - love - by jasmith - United States (Texas)

Today, due to a combination of boredom and a faulty hair dryer, I now have singed pubes and burned balls. FML

#21096245
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21669) - you deserved it (50206)

On 03/25/2014 at 5:20pm - intimacy - by testacular (man) - United Kingdom (Plymouth)

Today, I finished working a week's overtime managing admin, stock, finances, and three members of staff. I realised that despite all my extra work, I actually earn less per hour than the students who only work on the weekends. FML

#14600625
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21668) - you deserved it (2405)

On 01/16/2011 at 12:30pm - work - by ovawerkrd - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I removed all my online dating profiles. Apparently my ex-husband finds stalking me online preferable to spending time with his new girlfriend. FML

#13270090
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21666) - you deserved it (2546)

On 09/30/2010 at 10:54pm - misc - by anon (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I went to the bank to get a temporary debit card since I lost my wallet a week ago. On my drive across the street from the bank to the DMV a car slammed into mine at the intersection, nearly totaling my car. The movie theater I went to last week just called and said they'd found my wallet. FML

#13957675
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21666) - you deserved it (3037)

On 11/24/2010 at 2:10am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my husband and I went to my overbearing mom's 57th birthday party. He opened his gift in front of her and said smugly, "The makeup's for your face, and the prayer book's for the fat rolls." Any hope of family peace is now lost. FML

#18414489
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21666) - you deserved it (3185)

On 12/02/2011 at 8:35pm - love - by bad blood, no shit (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I saw the girl that I've had a crush on forever riding her horse on the side of the road. She waved, and without thinking, I honked my horn in response. Her horse bucked her off. FML

#19997037
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21665) - you deserved it (15043)

On 08/01/2012 at 7:31pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I had my first ice skating lesson. I had to wait 5 years for a rink to open in my town, 2 weeks for my lessons to begin, but only 10 minutes to fall and hit my tailbone so hard that I can't walk. FML

#8300373
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21665) - you deserved it (3697)

On 02/15/2010 at 1:40pm - health - by skatergrrrl (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, despite the fact that I'm really sick, my mom insisted that I come home and help babysit my cousins this weekend. When I got there, everyone else took off to do "errands," leaving me with three hyperactive, howler monkey-like children to deal with. FML

#19467974
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21662) - you deserved it (2439)

On 04/14/2012 at 6:19pm - kids - by Rory - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went on a long flight. I was fortunate enough to sit next to a great girl. However, she must have thought I was not so great, because she moved to the empty seat across the aisle. Next to my dad. Who then told stories about how I always get motion sickness on airplanes. I then threw up. FML

#19828515
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21657) - you deserved it (3148)

On 06/22/2012 at 10:11am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States



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