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Today, I surprised my daughter by telling her that I'm going to treat the family to a trip to the Himalayas in a few months. She promptly threw a tantrum and listed her main reasons for not wanting us to go: "It's a freaking desert there," and, "I'll miss the new Spiderman movie." FML

#19463259
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25053) - you deserved it (3935)

On 04/13/2012 at 9:01pm - kids - by neverakid (man) - United States

Today, I found out the real reason why my brother wasn't at his fiancé's Halloween party. He's been in jail for the past 3 months. When was anyone going to tell me? FML

#13800215
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25051) - you deserved it (2851)

On 11/11/2010 at 9:27am - misc - by anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I awoke at 5am to the smell of smoke and the sound of sirens. It seems the whole Santa Monica Fire Department had made it outside our apartment complex. We had to wake up every single person on our floor. What for? An old lady burned a muffin. FML

#6911518
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25050) - you deserved it (2177)

On 12/23/2009 at 10:21pm - misc - by Muffinhater (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up early to go to church with my parents. When I got in the car, I was struck with the worst diarrhea I've ever had in my life. My parents told me I'd be cleaning the car out when we got there, because if we turned around, we'd be late. FML

#14521261
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25051) - you deserved it (2773)

On 01/09/2011 at 2:08pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was in my hotel room. I picked up an expensive wine from the mini fridge, just to see what it is. I heard a mechanical "bling". I was charged for it. Then, I tried to put it back, only to hear another "bling". I was charged twice for expensive wine that I won't even drink. FML

#13206700
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25048) - you deserved it (9751)

On 09/26/2010 at 7:29am - money - by Anonymous (man) - Turkey (Istanbul)

Today, was the fifth night I've dreamed of brushing my teeth. I wake up about three times a night because as I spit in my dream, I actually spit on my face as I'm sleeping. FML

#18995010
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25047) - you deserved it (2892)

On 02/04/2012 at 7:35pm - misc - by wetdreams - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my girlfriend asked if she should get birthcontrol, of course I said yes and offered to pay the 55 dollar fee. She got her physical and pills and then dumped me the next day. I basically paid 55 dollars so that she can sleep with other people. FML

#5392690
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25046) - you deserved it (3643)

On 09/21/2009 at 12:34pm - intimacy - by charlieday (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was at the theatre with my 4-year-old son who was situated on my lap. Halfway through the movie, he turns to face me and states loudly, "Mommy, your legs are so furry!". Everyone watching the show turned and stared at us. FML

#6747789
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25045) - you deserved it (8474)

On 12/14/2009 at 1:58am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, I noticed my wife makes more satisfied groans when she's taking a big dump than she does when we make love. FML

#4992534
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25044) - you deserved it (6550)

On 09/02/2009 at 1:56am - intimacy - by turdburger (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was sexiled. So that my roommate and the boy who I confessed my love to two days before could hook up. FML

#3862
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25043) - you deserved it (1851)

On 01/30/2009 at 6:17pm - intimacy - by janie - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I hurried into the bank to cash in the $5,000 check my grandparents had given me for college money. I found out that instead of my name, they wrote 'our sweet iddle pumpkinbutt'. I couldn't make eye contact with anyone after. FML

#7401501
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25043) - you deserved it (4291)

On 01/17/2010 at 4:08pm - misc - by pumpkinbutt - Sent from mobile version

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, and gave his little speech, over the phone. He did all this while his ass was firmly planted in a chair in the next room. FML

#18487719
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25043) - you deserved it (2271)

On 12/11/2011 at 7:01pm - love - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my girlfriend and I broke up. The reason? She slept with four men while I was two weeks away visiting my brother. She told me it was because she missed me so much. FML

#8243991
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25042) - you deserved it (2134)

On 02/14/2010 at 10:19am - intimacy - by CheatedOn (man) - Romania (Cluj)



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