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Today, I read an article with tips on how to give girls full-body orgasms and I decided to test a few on my girlfriend. Instead of having a mind-blowing orgasm, she started cackling and said I looked like a giraffe trying to bob for apples. FML

#19352166
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23236) - you deserved it (5472)

On 03/26/2012 at 4:56pm - intimacy - by JC (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I made my friends and family laugh by trying to put on costume glasses with a giant super-sized nose attached to them. They laughed hysterically. Not because of the gigantic nose, but because my real nose was radically bigger and the fake one wouldn't fit over it. FML

#19606582
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23236) - you deserved it (3083)

On 05/11/2012 at 9:24am - misc - by MobPerfect (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, my family had dinner with my future in-laws for the first time. After a bottle of wine to herself, my mother loudly insisted that I'm out of her will. Apparently, I "molest towels" and leave them to "fester for days" in my "den of depravity". I'm sure they'll give me their daughter now. FML

#18914939
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23233) - you deserved it (2715)

On 01/26/2012 at 9:49am - love - by The Towel Molester (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was making love to my boyfriend, when he said "I love you, baby." I told him to go deeper, but instead of doing so, he decided to completely kill the mood by stopping and saying it again in a Barry White type voice. FML

#19388939
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23234) - you deserved it (9518)

On 04/01/2012 at 2:38pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States

Today, my boss made me run yet another stupid errand. When I delivered the paperwork to his office, I saw an email printout on his desk. Apparently, he has a plan in the works to get me "fried" next month. I'm not sure whether to give him a letter of resignation or a bottle of barbecue sauce. FML

#18088361
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23229) - you deserved it (2352)

On 10/27/2011 at 12:15pm - work - by last literate - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, I moved back home because I got laid off and could no longer afford my apartment. I decided to take a nap and when I woke up I overheard my Mom telling my Aunt that she used to be so proud of me and wonders when I became such a loser. Burn. FML

#2215
13 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23227) - you deserved it (2554)

On 01/22/2009 at 3:49pm - misc - by TotallyFkd - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, after a big house party the night before, I woke up with a dry mouth and a pounding hangover. I took a swig from a cup I'd left on my bedside table the night before, thinking it was water. Nope; it was vodka. FML

#21165218
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23224) - you deserved it (39057)

On 06/06/2014 at 6:01pm - health - by shartface12 (man) - United States (California)

Today, my son and I attended the funeral of a family friend. It went as well as any funeral could, up until the point that my apparently drunk son tried to grope the widow. I came an inch away from causing my son to need his own funeral. FML

#19834140
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23226) - you deserved it (2454)

On 06/23/2012 at 1:43pm - kids - by nosonofmine (man) - Iceland (Gullbringusysla)

Today, I was driving with my boss and she held her breath as we drove past a cell tower, because she didn't want to "breathe in any radiation." I have to take orders from this moron. FML

#20060271
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23224) - you deserved it (1651)

On 09/06/2012 at 9:45am - work - by Heavy D - United States

Today, I returned from vacation. Because of rain, I spent 3 days sitting in a hotel room, watching a TV with bad reception. I'm now less relaxed that if I'd have just stayed home, because that wouldn't have cost me $500, and my TV has more than 15 channels. So much for my first vacation in 5 years. FML

#13584749
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23222) - you deserved it (4667)

On 10/25/2010 at 12:22am - misc - by not_relaxed (man) - United States (California)

Today, after telling my boyfriend I was willing to try just about anything to revive our sex life, he confessed to having a swirly fetish. FML

#18414681
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23222) - you deserved it (4231)

On 12/02/2011 at 9:06pm - intimacy - by Jess49 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my boyfriend discovered you can send sound clips as text messages. So far I've heard 5 of his farts in the past half hour. FML

#19315515
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23221) - you deserved it (3475)

On 03/20/2012 at 6:33pm - love - by anonymous - Canada (Newfoundland)



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