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Today, I had my first ever shift at the zoo. My job is to explain the characteristics and habits of various animals to the visitors. A five-year-old outsmarted me while I was talking about lions. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7329) - you deserved it (17604)
On 06/06/2012 at 1:04pm - animals - by DuhSteven - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I realized that my company's calendar is synchronized throughout the whole building. The entire company now knows that I made love to my wife last Wednesday and Friday, and that I went out with a girl named Janet on Saturday. My wife's name is Julie, and she works in the same building. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7328) - you deserved it (118408)
On 06/26/2009 at 9:32pm - work - by Fred (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I have a huge meeting with the big executives of the company I work at. I have to be there in 10 minutes. I'm stuck on the toilet with the runs because I thought it would be a good idea to eat hot chicken wings last night. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7327) - you deserved it (14974)
On 11/01/2010 at 12:43pm - work - by wtf_fml_0609 (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, my boss came to my cubicle to give me my annual performance bonus. I was asleep at my desk. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7326) - you deserved it (41622)
On 07/10/2009 at 5:21pm - misc - by ChrisC (man) - United States (Maryland)
Today, my incredibly self conscious girlfriend decided to get over her fears and let me see her in her underwear. She did a short strip tease, crawled on top of me and asked what I thought. I couldn't think of anything to say besides, "Your bra and panties don't match." FML
I agree, your life sucks (7322) - you deserved it (58522)
On 08/19/2010 at 3:16pm - intimacy - by captainocd - United States (Texas)
Today, I waited for 20 minutes to get a cab outside grand central station in New York (it was raining). Finally, to my relief, I found a cab but when I got in I let a little fart slip. Two minutes later the cabby kicked me out of his cab because I stunk. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7318) - you deserved it (21590)
On 11/15/2009 at 10:00pm - health - by proteinboy (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I spent an hour photoshopping my face onto super skinny models as inspiration for a diet. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7318) - you deserved it (17729)
On 10/12/2011 at 7:39pm - health - by omgreally91 (woman) - United States
Today, I found a small bottle of chocolate milk in the fridge from McDonald's. I've been living with my grandparents while going to college and figuring they'd never drink it themselves, I took a sip. It had expired two years ago. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7316) - you deserved it (24730)
On 10/30/2009 at 3:21pm - misc - by pimdala_major (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I noticed my kitten was growling and twitching in his sleep. I tried to wake him up by gently prodding him. He responded by waking up and attacking my face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7316) - you deserved it (22454)
Today, I confronted my daughter about the various drug-associated items I found in her room. She then confronted me about going in her room and invading her privacy, to the point where I forgot the main issue and apologised to her. I just got outsmarted by a teenage pothead. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7315) - you deserved it (25565)
On 06/27/2012 at 7:28pm - kids - by apparantlyStupid - Canada (Alberta)
Today, at a party, my three friends and I thought it would be fun to urinate in a jug. We dislike the neighbours, so decided to throw the contents of the jug over the fence into their garden. It hit a tree and splashed back. I ended up covered in our piss. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7310) - you deserved it (125415)
On 06/04/2009 at 6:38am - misc - by Unluggee (woman) - United Kingdom (Liverpool)
Today, I woke up at 7am next to the man I swore I'd never get intimate with again. After trying to get back to sleep despite my shame and disgust, he ripped the loudest fart ever. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7308) - you deserved it (30701)
On 08/28/2011 at 2:37am - love - by JJAnd (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I was at the gym and saw an old friend. I have put on a lot of muscle in the past few months, and she said to me "Wow, you've really gotten big." Just by habit I said "You too." Turns out she's gained 45 lbs since I'd last seen her. Oops. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7306) - you deserved it (18843)
On 02/04/2010 at 2:22am - health - by Tuffgunsmoke - Sent from mobile version
Monday 20 May 2013
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