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Today, a truck rear-ended my car and drove off. I could see everything from my office, everything except his license plate. FML

#18923725
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23591) - you deserved it (1571)

On 01/27/2012 at 8:43am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Norway

Today, I realized that the "eyelash curling brush" that my best friend found in my old bathroom drawer was actually a stick used for cleaning food out of my sister's braces. I used that thing for years. FML

#20519962
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23588) - you deserved it (12636)

On 02/24/2013 at 9:30am - misc - by curly_eyelashes - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I ended up taking a massive dump after being constipated for a while. I thought I was alone, so I pretended I was giving birth to my turd, and let out all kinds of sound effects. Next thing I know, I hear a knock at the door and my mom asking, "Should I call 911?" FML

#20866525
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23587) - you deserved it (37406)

On 09/03/2013 at 7:53pm - health - by ugh - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I realized I've never had sex with someone who was sober at the time. FML

#19194281
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23585) - you deserved it (19430)

On 03/01/2012 at 6:35am - intimacy - by ShitFaced (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I went to the store and bought some cream to help with a sunburn I'd gotten a few days ago. What's worse than having red, peeling, and painful skin? An allergic reaction on top of it. FML

#8094322
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23584) - you deserved it (2393)

On 02/10/2010 at 3:59pm - health - by anonymous - United States

Today, I went bra shopping with my mother. She insisted that I try on a bunch of push-up bras, and I told her I didn't want to, because it's false advertising. She looked at me and said that I need all the help I can get. FML

#19800158
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23581) - you deserved it (4054)

On 06/17/2012 at 3:11am - misc - by historyfreak_17 - United States (Michigan)

Today, I went to a club. The only guy who asked me to dance introduced himself as "Bird Dog." FML

#17583731
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23579) - you deserved it (3184)

On 08/26/2011 at 3:35am - love - by EpicMayonnaise (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went on a date with a very cute girl. It went well, until I accidentally called the blueberries in her dessert Oran Berries. I sheepishly explained that they're a berry from the Pokémon universe, at which point she excused herself, never to return. FML

#20490478
245 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23579) - you deserved it (35851)

On 02/02/2013 at 4:20pm - love - by Brock (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I angrily tweeted about having fruitlessly searched for over an hour for my car keys. Minutes later, some guy told me to check beneath the "stack of skid-marked underwear" on my bedroom floor. I'm not sure if it was a lucky guess, or if I should start carrying mace. FML

#19247785
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23578) - you deserved it (5761)

On 03/09/2012 at 9:09pm - misc - by skid kid (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I learned that when I got my driver's permit, I agreed to be the designated driver for my family. FML

#17990354
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23576) - you deserved it (3808)

On 10/15/2011 at 2:54pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, someone stole the massive pumpkin I've been painstakingly growing all year. What did they do with it? They put it in the middle of a busy intersection. FML

#20098412
121 comments

Today, I was masturbating in the dark with the door open. I thought I saw a figure outside my door, because I didn't have my glasses on. After intensely staring at the dark figure for about a minute, thinking it was my imagination, my stepdad said, "you know, I am looking RIGHT at you," FML

#1592701
324 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23572) - you deserved it (83145)

On 05/03/2009 at 1:17pm - intimacy - by danggit3290 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I opened the freezer for some Poptarts and a giant block of meat fell and broke my toe. FML

#8248979
233 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23567) - you deserved it (6032)

On 02/14/2010 at 1:05pm - misc - by freakingow (woman) - United States (Tennessee)



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