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Today, I had to explain to my one person on my staff why having kids aged 6 to 9 hammering in screws with the butt end of a screwdriver is neither safe, nor a good idea. FML

#15170872
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16380) - you deserved it (2036)

On 03/02/2011 at 12:22am - work - by AntiBobTheBuilder (woman) - United States (California)

Today, the phone kept ringing but there was only silence on the other line. The third time I yelled, "What the fuck is your F*ing problem asshole!? Get a life shithead!" and hung up. Then the pastor's wife called and explained that she mistakingly set her phone on mute. FML

#430302
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16379) - you deserved it (56550)

On 03/17/2009 at 11:48pm - misc - by jina (woman) - Korea Republic of (Seoul-t'ukpyolsi)

Today, I got my cat stuffed after her death. I brought her home and set her down by my couch. I guess my dog thought it was a new chew toy. FML

#4060488
376 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16379) - you deserved it (69069)

On 07/26/2009 at 7:18pm - animals - by Fmycatslife (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I got all four of my wisdom teeth removed. I went to see my boyfriend for comfort because I was in so much pain. The first thing he asked me when I saw him with huge cheeks? When would be the next time I could give him a blowjob. FML

#8771730
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16376) - you deserved it (3221)

On 03/02/2010 at 11:58am - intimacy - by fatcheeks (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my landlord informed me that from now on, she'd prefer if I paid my rent in cash each month. Apparently, I "look sketchy" and she didn't "ever want to deal with the hassle of a bounced check." FML

#20102772
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16374) - you deserved it (1683)

On 10/05/2012 at 10:56am - money - by sketchball (man) - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were in bed. She slipped her hand under the duvet, and I got all excited thinking she was going to give me a hand job. She was actually pulling out her wedgie. FML

#19416403
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16374) - you deserved it (8040)

On 04/06/2012 at 7:10am - intimacy - by TJ - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, despite my pleading, my boyfriend mounted a set of bullhorns above our headboard. Guess what came crashing down on our heads at 2am. FML

#20153273
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16375) - you deserved it (1726)

On 11/07/2012 at 10:44am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I went to work as a home health-aid, and found out that my client turns his hearing aid off on purpose because he can't stand my voice. FML

#17948621
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16372) - you deserved it (3080)

On 10/10/2011 at 12:13am - work - by melikeyturtles - United States

Today, I had to climb up and sit in a tree for half an hour to avoid being mauled by a huge, insane dog. Its weird-looking owner eventually turned up, sneered at me, and walked off with the visibly smug dog in tow. FML

#17974587
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16372) - you deserved it (1747)

On 10/13/2011 at 11:55am - animals - by Doglover - United Kingdom (Southampton)

Today, I came home after a party to my parents, who confronted me. They said that my phone had made a pocket call to them and they heard a good half hour of people talking about drugs and alcohol. I confessed at that point. I checked my phone after. I hadn't called them in 3 days. FML

#185053
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16370) - you deserved it (58887)

On 03/02/2009 at 4:04pm - misc - by Werner (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was studying for a final when I noticed all I had was a blue highlighter. I decided to drive to the store to get a yellow one. On the way there, I got $200 worth of traffic tickets for not stopping at a stop sign. I basically spent $200 because I prefer yellow highlighters over blue. FML

#278452
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16370) - you deserved it (93595)

On 03/11/2009 at 8:09pm - money - by Noname (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I found out that my mother is extremely emotional when it comes to animal deaths when a bird flew into the window and died, and she insisted we have a funeral. FML

#19441830
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16371) - you deserved it (2817)

On 04/10/2012 at 7:13am - animals - by tay (man) - Australia



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