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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, while on a vacation, I tried to step out of myself and flirt with this boy who I thought was cute. He was going along with it and nodding so I thought it was working. Then he opened his mouth and I realized he didn't speak English. FML

#6441496
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27404) - you deserved it (6423)

On 11/25/2009 at 1:06am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got fed up with the amount of hair on my feet, so I went to get my foot hair waxed off. When I removed my socks, the waxer laughed the amount of foot hair. I'm a 18 year old female and it appears I have feet that were last seen on Big Foot. FML

#6872030
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27403) - you deserved it (3922)

On 12/21/2009 at 8:30pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I decided to to gather up the courage to ask the cute boy in my math class for his number. He gave it to me, and I texted him later that night. But little did I know he actually gave me the number of the creep in class who is always grabbing my ass. I ended up asking the creep out. FML

#21468219
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27403) - you deserved it (3218)

On 09/14/2015 at 1:17am - love - by thisiswhyimsingle - United States (Missouri)

Today, I found my "lost" bicycle in my best friend's garage. I've been having to catch two buses to get to work for the past few months. FML

#18029940
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27401) - you deserved it (2870)

On 10/20/2011 at 7:51am - misc - by jwhizzle - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my new boss lost his shit and flew into a ten minute rant against me about the "value of respect". He told me that if I wanted to stay in "his" company, I'd best start toeing the line. All this because I corrected his misuse of "your" and "you're" in one of his memos. FML

#17794305
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27396) - you deserved it (9044)

On 09/21/2011 at 8:11am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I decided it was time to have "the talk" with my daughter, after I found a thong in the washing machine. She denied it was hers and pointed out how it was too big to fit her. I ended up having a very different talk with my son. FML

#21485867
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27396) - you deserved it (2743)

On 10/29/2015 at 4:02pm - kids - by caroline (woman) - Germany

Today, my dad finally met my girlfriend. Unfortunately, he was driving the ambulance that she was in, due to severe alcohol poisoning and was on the way to the hospital to have her stomach pumped. FML

#19021363
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27394) - you deserved it (7366)

On 02/07/2012 at 8:40pm - health - by screwed - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was rear-ended. While I was yelling, "WHAT THE F..." the lady who hit me completely freaked out and drove into me again. Twice. FML

#21425087
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27393) - you deserved it (2302)

On 06/12/2015 at 5:09pm - misc - by BrakesNotBumpers (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I realised that the most kisses I ever get are in text messages from my Dad. FML

#6812092
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27390) - you deserved it (3964)

On 12/18/2009 at 3:26pm - love - by lovesucks (man) - United Kingdom (Leeds)

Today, I found out a 6-month pregnant woman is claiming my boyfriend to be the father. Even though this would have been previous to our relationship, he already has two kids from getting girls pregnant in high school. I guess he didn't learn his lesson the first two times. FML

#13708556
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27390) - you deserved it (16045)

On 11/03/2010 at 11:16pm - love - by bummed (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my surgeon was giving me the lowdown of what was going to happen on the operating table. I was anxious enough without him saying stuff like "cut you open", "quite a bit of blood" and "it's all quite risky." That's all I remember before fainting. My wife won't stop mocking me for it. FML

#21359857
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27389) - you deserved it (3180)

On 02/20/2015 at 2:25pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, while walking to work with my best friend, he broke down in tears. I asked what was wrong, and he told me his mom passed away last night. All I could think to do was give him a hug and say I was sorry. Then some assclown walking past said "GAAAYYY!" and walked away laughing hysterically. FML

#21489505
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27389) - you deserved it (1553)

On 11/07/2015 at 8:02am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my girlfriend actually slept with one of the celebrities on her "5 celebrities we're allowed to sleep with" list. FML

#21515102
255 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27388) - you deserved it (12976)

On 01/14/2016 at 7:51am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Australia



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