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Today, my best friend was crying because her boyfriend is a retard. I brought my thumb up to wipe a tear off her face, and somehow stuck it up her nose. FML

#4457
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20907) - you deserved it (9821)

On 02/01/2009 at 3:11am - love - by FractalSanity - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I got home from a small vacation. Before I left, I set up cameras in my room to see if my roommate was stealing my money. Turns out she wasn't. However, she does borrow my personal "adult toy" whenever I'm out. FML

#6213926
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20903) - you deserved it (3366)

On 11/08/2009 at 4:11pm - intimacy - by grossedout (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I had to climb up and sit in a tree for half an hour to avoid being mauled by a huge, insane dog. Its weird-looking owner eventually turned up, sneered at me, and walked off with the visibly smug dog in tow. FML

#17974587
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20900) - you deserved it (2459)

On 10/13/2011 at 11:55am - animals - by Doglover - United Kingdom (Southampton)

Today, I was walking down the street when I had a coughing fit. The next thing I know I'm being pushed about by a group of guys who were smoking, because they thought I was coughing deliberately to send them a message about smoking being bad. FML

#20055365
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20895) - you deserved it (1510)

On 09/03/2012 at 5:37am - misc - by Tyler - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I let my daughter bake a cake for her brother's fifth birthday party. She showed up later with a cake in the shape of a cock and balls. Apparently it's okay, though, because "I frosted it to look like a rocket, hehehe!" I can't believe my balls spawned this moron. FML

#19867387
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20895) - you deserved it (5961)

On 06/29/2012 at 5:39pm - misc - by Nick (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, someone thought it would be funny to switch the signs on the bathroom doors. Fortunately, I knew which was the men's and went on in. The startled old woman inside, however, did not. FML

#8169403
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20894) - you deserved it (2963)

On 02/12/2010 at 2:30pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, while watching TV with my wife, I realized that we were still watching "My Little Pony" even though the kids had been asleep for half an hour. FML

#19495403
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20890) - you deserved it (5121)

On 04/19/2012 at 12:08pm - misc - by ajnmegs - United States (Colorado)

Today, after staying in bed all day for a week from sickness, I get up to tell my mom I have terrible back pain and feel extremely dizzy. After curling up on the chair next to her, not being able to keep my head up for too long, she simply stares at me and says, "Can I finish my dinner now?" FML

#13720258
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20889) - you deserved it (4743)

On 11/04/2010 at 10:22pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was in one of those lucid half sleeps with my boyfriend. Not fully awake to control myself, I ripped ass. I had no idea what to do. I pretended to still be sleeping. I'm pretty sure he noticed because he patted me on the back in a congratulatory sort of way. FML

#3486
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20888) - you deserved it (5659)

On 01/29/2009 at 7:13pm - love - by amg85904 - United States (Ohio)

Today, for an eight hour flight to Copenhagen, Denmark, I paid extra to get a seat offering more leg room. Unfortunately, the man behind me was so tall, his knees were pressing against my back the entire flight. FML

#14600562
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20888) - you deserved it (3282)

On 01/16/2011 at 12:17pm - money - by jetlagged (woman) - Sweden (Skane Lan)

Today, I had to create a perfect society in English class; the best society has their grade go up a full letter. After tons of preparation and thinking, I lost to an island made only of cheese. FML

#20200774
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20887) - you deserved it (1926)

On 12/11/2012 at 6:03pm - misc - by JPPUDLY (man) - United States (California)

Today, I successfully stopped my hair straightener from falling into a bathtub full of water by grabbing hold of the burning hot plates. FML

#20006687
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20887) - you deserved it (7090)

On 08/06/2012 at 11:08pm - health - by anonymous - Australia

Today, my boss sent me home from work because she saw me not checking under my customer's cart to see if they had any hidden groceries. I didn't check because the customer threatened to "kick my ass" if I "accused him of stealing" by checking. FML

#14408064
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20886) - you deserved it (7631)

On 12/31/2010 at 10:51am - work - by bad_luck (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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