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Today, my mother brought over some early Christmas presents for me and the kids. The kid's presents were fine, mine however consisted of many yard accessories, including solar lights. I live in an apartment building with no yard. Her response? "Buy a potted plant and shove them in there." FML

by thanksmom / 12/22/2014 at 6:15pm / United States (South Dakota) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was giving myself a breast exam for lumps. I heard laughing, looked around and saw that the 12 year-old neighbor and his friends were watching through the window. FML

by Anonymous / 12/28/2010 at 10:20pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health

Today, I walked outside to see my friend frantically waving and running at me, yelling something I couldn't understand. I smiled and started to jog over to him until I realized he was screaming "RUN!!!" We spent the next 10 minutes running from his neighbor's 5 vicious chihuahuas. FML

by chi-huaHUA / 12/04/2010 at 2:08am / United States / Animals

Today, my house got broken into. They just made a mess. I saw a note on the kitchen table that read "There's nothing good here. You have shitty stuff." FML

by Sarah / 08/17/2012 at 3:45am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I couldn't get to work because I couldn't find my car keys. It turns out, my mother took them and put them "somewhere safe." She can't remember where they are. FML

by Anonymous / 11/15/2010 at 4:11am / United States (Washington) / Transportation

Today, the couple with three noisy toddlers in the apartment above mine finally moved out. A couple with a non-stop crying newborn moved in. FML

by Username / 02/16/2012 at 6:30pm / United States (Texas) / Kids

Today, I received another letter of rejection from the university of my dreams. I got it the first time, but thanks for reminding me. FML

by ThreeTimesUnlucky / 10/17/2012 at 2:52pm / South Africa (Gauteng) / Miscellaneous

Today, I hooked up with my ex-girlfriend, after she confessed to still being in love with me. I logged into Facebook after she left, only to find her status set to "I think I just made a big mistake." FML

by Anonymous / 03/13/2012 at 7:12pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, my mom thought I was flying high on weed and nearly grounded me for it. I wasn't high, I was just actually in a good mood for the first time in a few weeks. FML

by HappyMan / 08/02/2012 at 10:14pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my 12 year-old dog died. My boyfriend's attempts to comfort me involved him muttering, "At least she knows how to play dead now." FML

by Anonymous / 09/14/2012 at 12:51pm / United States / Animals

Today, I had a completely improvised audition for the school play. The director called me and one of the cutest guys auditioning to improvise an intimate scene. Knowing that I'm a complete klutz, I wasn't all that surprised when I tripped over my feet and landed with my face in his crotch. He was. FML

by Anonymous / 01/26/2010 at 12:25am / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got bitten by my aunt's dog. My brother was holding the leash. He said he didn't pull the dog away from me because he didn't want to rip my shirt. Meanwhile, the dog was biting a penny-sized chunk out of my hip. FML

by bitten / 05/15/2010 at 1:09am / United States (Wisconsin) / Health

Today, I went to the living room where my mother was so I could ask her about something. I found her lying pantsless on the couch trying to cut her pubic hair with a pair of scissors. FML

by Anonymous / 06/08/2015 at 7:13pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Miscellaneous