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Today, my roommate drew a giant red penis and scrotum on our refrigerator, using what he thought was a dry erase marker. It was a permanent marker. I just renewed my lease. I get to look at a red penis every day for the next year and a half. FML

#6760576
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24327) - you deserved it (4646)

On 12/15/2009 at 2:08am - misc - by Will (man) - United States

Today, I found my boyfriend passed out on the floor. Then I passed out, due to anxiety of seeing him passed out. FML

#18823126
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24325) - you deserved it (5502)

On 01/16/2012 at 9:15am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my son learned that when you slide a mug across the kitchen table, it doesn't stop where you expect it to like in the old cartoons. I then learned what it feels like to have a full mug of hot chocolate spilled onto my crotch. FML

#18972583
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24325) - you deserved it (3077)

On 02/01/2012 at 10:11pm - kids - by Bruce (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I saw the girl I had confessed my love to two years ago on the bus. We chatted for a few minutes and she got off on the first stop, saying that this is where she had to get off. Twenty minutes later, I see her in the bus next to mine. The bus number was 20. Like mine. FML

#6917396
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24324) - you deserved it (4894)

On 12/24/2009 at 4:35am - love - by busrides (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had my first free night in months. I spent it doing homework and watching TV. I had set my Facebook status to say I was spending time with the boys from The Big Bang Theory, then fell asleep. I woke up later to an angry text from my boyfriend thinking I was cheating on him. FML

#19387058
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24324) - you deserved it (4584)

On 04/01/2012 at 6:08am - love - by BigBangCheater (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my Grandmother gave me rosary beads for my birthday. She told me I better start praying for a husband. FML

#13135872
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24323) - you deserved it (2701)

On 09/20/2010 at 11:02pm - misc - by kdgirl (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I had food poisoning. When I was finally able to drag myself to the kitchen for some Gatorade, I got stung by a wasp. FML

#19575961
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24323) - you deserved it (2036)

On 05/05/2012 at 3:19am - health - by markzar - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I took the dog for a 45 minute walk/jog. She sniffed everything on the ground like she always does. She marked her territory twice and we finally got home. As soon as I took her off the leash inside she ran to the kitchen and took a dump right on the kitchen mat. FML

#6706699
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24322) - you deserved it (3172)

On 12/11/2009 at 8:17am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I learned I have a severe sinus infection, my body really can't handle antibiotics, and I can projectile vomit out my nose. Not sure if I am more impressed that I still somehow aimed the puke into the sink, or that swallowing afterwards hurt more than emptying my stomach via my nose. FML

#7294693
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24321) - you deserved it (1859)

On 01/12/2010 at 2:18am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I went to a big job interview. Everything went well at first, with the interviewer being impressed by my CV. I was then interrogated over not having a Facebook account, and practically accused of being a criminal, because people without them "always have something to hide". FML

#20165792
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24320) - you deserved it (1700)

On 11/16/2012 at 6:59pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (East Sussex)

Today, I was at a pie auction. During it, I had to hold a pie in a glass case to be sold. In the middle of the auction, I raised my hand to scratch my face, and dropped the pie and broke the glass. It was worth $1000. FML

#17714395
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24318) - you deserved it (12626)

On 09/10/2011 at 9:18pm - money - by calebeutsler - United States (Texas)

Today, I lost my watch at the pool. After giving a detailed description of it at the desk, I was really happy to hear someone had found it and handed it in. Too bad I was too late, because someone had already claimed it. FML

#17869528
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24318) - you deserved it (2267)

On 09/30/2011 at 7:10am - misc - by happymum - Netherlands (Noord-Holland)

Today, I woke up with a burning sensation on my butt. Remembering that yesterday I was bit by a fire ant, I decided to reinspect the bite. I found ten more which itch and burn. My parents' new nickname for me is "Firebutt". FML

#12786559
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24315) - you deserved it (3572)

On 08/28/2010 at 12:04pm - health - by Firepants (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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