Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, it was a warm day out so I left my car windows slightly open while I was at work. One of the local bums apparently thought this was a perfect opportunity to use my open driver's side window as a barf receptacle. FML

#17340796
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24913) - you deserved it (8989)

On 08/02/2011 at 3:55am - misc - by Username - United States

Today, after work, I peeled a parking ticket off my windshield. It was so hot that the ink from the ticket made a stamp on my windshield. Now I have a permanent reminder staring me in the face wherever I drive. FML

#12081632
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24911) - you deserved it (7319)

On 07/24/2010 at 5:49am - work - by wils (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, after lifting a 20 pound box of oranges for a woman at work, she turned around to say "Your acne needs help." I still had to tell her to have a good day. FML

#14490477
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24910) - you deserved it (2591)

On 01/06/2011 at 9:59pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Idaho)

Today, in my film class, we were watching Schindler's List. At least, we tried. The moron next to me kept interrupting the most intense scenes with a very loud, "I don't get it." Not only did she break the focus of the class, but we had to keep stopping the movie to explain it to her. FML

#21412612
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24910) - you deserved it (1562)

On 05/19/2015 at 3:53pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my roomate's cats pooped on the floor again. He refuses to clean it up saying it will be easier to clean in 48 hours. FML

#18482264
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24908) - you deserved it (2298)

On 12/11/2011 at 1:57am - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I found the password to my boyfriend's MSN account. I was listed in the "booty call" category. FML

#525
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24905) - you deserved it (6358)

On 12/16/2008 at 2:05am - love - by Gen - Sent from mobile version

Today, I spent the night with my guy, whom I hadn't seen in ages. In the middle of sex, he answered his phone, told me to be quiet, talked to the girl on the other end about how boring his day was, then left the room to finish talking to her. When he came back he asked if I felt like swallowing. FML

#6078276
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24905) - you deserved it (4305)

On 10/31/2009 at 12:31am - intimacy - by dtmfa (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my father had a dream that he'd lost me forever, and the pain was so unbearable, it woke him up. Turns out, the pain he was experiencing was just his bowels and he really needed to take a shit. This is the most affection I've ever received from my father. FML

#14398309
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24905) - you deserved it (2997)

On 12/30/2010 at 5:28pm - love - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, when putting something away on a high shelf, something small and black fell down my cleavage. I thought nothing of it and finished the task at hand. When I pulled out the neck of my shirt later to find it and looked down, glaring up at me from my boobs was a large, disgruntled spider. FML

#6401291
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24904) - you deserved it (4362)

On 11/22/2009 at 3:35am - intimacy - by Arachnaphobic (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my wife started a 24 hour urine collection as directed by the doctor for her pregnancy. She has to collect the urine in a gallon jug, and refrigerate it. At lunch time, I went to go get the rest of my sandwich but was unable to find it, until she suggested I "look under the piss jug." FML

Today, I called my mom for her birthday. She started talking about an infomercial she'd seen for a combo bidet-and-dryer, and how she would like to get one so she can feel "fresh down there" without worrying about getting bits of toilet paper on her nether regions. I can't un-hear this. FML

#13415843
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24903) - you deserved it (2720)

On 10/12/2010 at 1:46am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I got a separation agreement from my wife. It was sent from the lawyer she spent the long weekend with right before she told me it was over. FML

#12951031
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24902) - you deserved it (2108)

On 09/07/2010 at 5:30pm - love - by Glutton for Punishment. - Sent from mobile version

Today, my boyfriend told me that he gets the same amount of entertainment out of tickling me and having sex with me, and he likes the tickling noises better. FML

#12782161
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24902) - you deserved it (6741)

On 08/28/2010 at 1:49am - intimacy - by JessykaB - United States



FML's blog

  • Angie's illustrated FML
  • Here we go again. This week I'm talking to you live from the Paris Japan Expo. I'm dressed up as Bernard from the Sailor Moon series, and I almost got kicked out because my katana wasn't the…

Friday 3 July 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: