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Today, I was alone in my dorm room rehearsing comments to make in my writing class tomorrow. I grew up with a severe stutter, and rehearsing like this is one of the ways I keep my speech under control. What I didn't plan on was my roommate walking in. I think she now thinks I'm schizophrenic. FML

#13846681
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21325) - you deserved it (2497)

On 11/14/2010 at 10:43pm - misc - by stutterernotschizophrenic (woman) -

Today, wanting to be romantic, I came home with flowers, and told my girlfriend I love her and that I never want us to fall apart. Before I could finish my second sentence, she farted, said, "Aww, that's so sweet" and quickly excused herself to the bathroom. FML

#20021274
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21320) - you deserved it (2431)

On 08/14/2012 at 8:12pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I received more affection from my wife in a video game than I ever have in real life. FML

#19128091
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21316) - you deserved it (3846)

On 02/21/2012 at 12:01am - love - by bloodshedblack - United States (Colorado)

Today, I picked up a warm blanket that just came out of the dryer. Despite wearing pants, the static electricity from the blanket delivered a shock straight to my crotch. FML

#19146021
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21313) - you deserved it (3726)

On 02/23/2012 at 1:01pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I waited in line at Subway. There were two people in front of me. The first lady had seven sandwiches and the second lady had four. So after patiently waiting, I ordered my sandwich, only to have my credit card declined. FML

#13453945
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21311) - you deserved it (10657)

On 10/15/2010 at 12:06am - misc - by bcf1234 (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, a lady on the bus came up to me and asked if she could sit down. Thinking she meant the seat next to me, I said sure. She meant my lap. FML

#20198778
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21311) - you deserved it (1817)

On 12/10/2012 at 5:13am - misc - by LLCK - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I noticed I give myself pep-talks when I'm lonely. FML

#13010749
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21309) - you deserved it (5372)

On 09/11/2010 at 10:31pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I paid $70 to learn from the vet that my cat doesn't have a UTI, he's just developed a fetish for peeing on plastic bags. FML

#18034258
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21305) - you deserved it (2460)

On 10/20/2011 at 9:13pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was at the strip club. I put my dollar on the stage. When the stripper came over to take it, she stood me up and flipped my tits and said I had bigger ones than her. I'm a guy. FML

#7993
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21304) - you deserved it (40584)

On 02/04/2009 at 12:40pm - intimacy - by Big B (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I went on a date with a guy I met on-line. While cuddling on the couch, he asked me for a blow job. I refused. He said, "But I thought big girls liked doing that." FML

#7390667
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21304) - you deserved it (5442)

On 01/17/2010 at 12:30am - intimacy - by writer4life (woman) - United States (California)

Today, we had our friends over for dinner, one of whom is a psychiatrist. After a few drinks, my drunk wife and the equally drunk psychiatrist began to analyze my various character flaws. FML

#7969441
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21304) - you deserved it (2421)

On 02/07/2010 at 10:37am - misc - by bystander (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I made up an ingenious plan to finally hook up with the guy I really like at a party. Well, the plan itself worked great. Too bad I got so drunk that I used it on the wrong person. FML

#21266978
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21303) - you deserved it (30045)

On 09/28/2014 at 12:42pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, was the first day of potty training for my toddler. While watching a "How to Potty Train" video, I noticed my toddler was making a weird face on the side of the couch. I walked over to her, picked her up and a big pile of poop dropped. FML

#14537773
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21300) - you deserved it (5070)

On 01/10/2011 at 9:24pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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