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Today, I hurried into the bank to cash in the $5,000 check my grandparents had given me for college money. I found out that instead of my name, they wrote 'our sweet iddle pumpkinbutt'. I couldn't make eye contact with anyone after. FML

#7401501
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25047) - you deserved it (4291)

On 01/17/2010 at 4:08pm - misc - by pumpkinbutt - Sent from mobile version

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, and gave his little speech, over the phone. He did all this while his ass was firmly planted in a chair in the next room. FML

#18487719
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25045) - you deserved it (2271)

On 12/11/2011 at 7:01pm - love - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my girlfriend and I broke up. The reason? She slept with four men while I was two weeks away visiting my brother. She told me it was because she missed me so much. FML

#8243991
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25042) - you deserved it (2135)

On 02/14/2010 at 10:19am - intimacy - by CheatedOn (man) - Romania (Cluj)

Today, I tried to find myself a friend on Craigslist. FML

#19122192
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25042) - you deserved it (8072)

On 02/20/2012 at 11:19am - misc - by shea234 - United States

Today, I rented a drill to a straight-up valley girl, with the speech affect, Von Dutch patrol cap and all. I tried to disabuse of her of the idea that aluminum is a form of steel. Apparently, that constitutes being a smartass, so she threw her change at me. FML

#4943867
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25041) - you deserved it (7758)

On 08/31/2009 at 12:06am - work - by Mack (man) - United States (California)

Today, my crush took me to a park and told me he loved me. We sat on an old bench and were just about to kiss when I screamed. I now have a huge splinter in my arse and he can't stop laughing. FML

#6751631
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25040) - you deserved it (4586)

On 12/14/2009 at 12:06pm - love - by Mojo (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my boss reprimanded me in front of the rest of the staff for "not following instructions" because I went to a company meeting. I have the email from him telling me to go to the meeting. He thinks I faked it. Unemployment sucks. FML

#20036858
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25040) - you deserved it (1526)

On 08/23/2012 at 1:24am - work - by BrokeButSmart - United States (Indiana)

Today, I left my window open while practicing the saxophone. My drunk neighbours showed their appreciation for the music with a well-aimed firecracker that set my mattress on fire. My landlord has threatened to evict me as she thinks I set it off. FML

#17965886
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25039) - you deserved it (5112)

On 10/12/2011 at 4:13am - misc - by ItaliczZz (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my best friend told me he masturbates to my Instagram page. Thanks, I guess. FML

#21442921
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25049) - you deserved it (3268)

On 07/17/2015 at 7:00am - intimacy - by battle1 - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was helping out during the school play's interval. My head of year jokingly asked me to follow him around with these mini cocktail sausages for the rest of the school year. I thought it would be witty to reply, "Does that make me your official sausage holder?" FML

#21378332
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25038) - you deserved it (84)

On 03/20/2015 at 10:41am - love - by MirandaJones (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, as I was rushing to get out for work, I opened my door just in time to witness a large snake slither into my home. I had no choice but to lock it inside and go to work. I've now spent several hours searching for it with my friends, and we can't find it. I'm scared to go to sleep. FML

#20114536
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25037) - you deserved it (5790)

On 10/13/2012 at 2:35am - animals - by afraidtosleep - United States (Texas)

Today, the drive-thru lady at Taco Bell broke my debit card and tried to hide it by wrapping it in a receipt. FML

#21447771
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25042) - you deserved it (1426)

On 07/26/2015 at 11:00pm - money - by stonehengeva - United States (Virginia)

Today, I put my ironing board away in the bathroom. After closing the door, I heard a loud noise. The board had opened up while falling over, taking up the width of the room. I can't open the door. FML

#19533059
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25037) - you deserved it (3537) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 04/26/2012 at 4:45pm - misc - by Magicgwen - Sent from mobile version



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