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Today, I was at my job in the Halloween store. I had to tell someone, "Please stop hitting the Bieber wig with that pimp cane." FML

Today, my daughter called me to pick her up at the mall. She said I had to meet her inside a specific store, so I figured she wanted me to pay for something. Turns out I was right, she was being arrested for shoplifting. FML

#20193017
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25940) - you deserved it (2544)

On 12/05/2012 at 9:32pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend said he felt like eating icing. So I baked him cupcakes, put icing on them and decorated them. When I handed them to him, he picked off the decoration, licked the icing and handed the cupcake back to me, saying, "I told you that's all I wanted." FML

#20592650
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25940) - you deserved it (50877)

On 04/15/2013 at 1:11am - misc - by Cupcakes (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my elderly neighbor called the police because my cat was in her yard. I now have a citation and a court date. Apparently, there is a leash law for cats in my town, and it is taken very seriously. FML

#18100684
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25938) - you deserved it (5304)

On 10/29/2011 at 12:51am - animals - by Fought The Law - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was transporting liquor between stores for work. A car pulled out and cut me off, causing me to slam on my brakes. My car stopped. The 200 dollars-worth of booze did not. FML

#18859567
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25938) - you deserved it (3297)

On 01/20/2012 at 3:23am - work - by LiquorChick (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend emailed me this morning to let me know that he had forwarded the joke that I had sent to him to all of his workmates and friends. He was quickly given the heads-up by one of his friends that all of our intimate emails from the day were also included. I'm dating a dumbass. FML

#13886918
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25937) - you deserved it (7241)

On 11/18/2010 at 11:27am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I drove a friend to the emergency room because he thought he had appendicitis. While sitting in the waiting room, I got puked on by a child. My friend's diagnosis? Gas. So he also farted all the way home. FML

#14813495
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25937) - you deserved it (2712)

On 02/02/2011 at 4:07pm - misc - by alephnull (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, while handing out business cards to promote my new dog grooming business, I stopped to talk to a potential client. She let me get all the way through my 15 minute speech, before bothering to tell me she didn't have a dog. FML

#16019409
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25938) - you deserved it (12357)

On 05/02/2011 at 2:02pm - animals - by Asirual - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to write my own notice for enforced redundancy because my boss just went on a two week vacation. He told me to just forge his signature and that, if I wouldn't do it, he'd just make something up to dismiss me on codes of conduct. FML

Today, I came home to visit my family after a year at college. Expecting to impress them, I proudly informed them that I now speak fluent Swedish. Imagine my surprise when my mother said, "That's a useless language" and everyone agreed. FML

#17682906
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25935) - you deserved it (6556)

On 09/06/2011 at 8:01pm - misc - by jag talar (man) - Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador)

Today, I finally got the guts to text this cute girl at school. I started sending flirtatious texts, only to find out the hard way that she'd given me her boyfriend's number. FML

#19344485
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25936) - you deserved it (6978)

On 03/25/2012 at 12:06pm - love - by Mark Allan (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I finally received a paycheck for the first time in six months. I celebrated by promptly falling down a flight of stairs and losing consciousness. FML

#6422914
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25934) - you deserved it (4780)

On 11/23/2009 at 5:12pm - work - by DBR (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I have -$700 in my current account, $500 from overdraft fees because I spent money they told me I had. I don't get paid till the 15th and when I cash in my paycheck all of it will go to bringing me even. So the $9 I found in my wallet this morning will have to last me untill the 30th. FML

#984
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25931) - you deserved it (4913)

On 01/12/2009 at 4:55am - money - by Celina - United States (California)



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