Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I woke up on my mom's couch with a wicked hangover. I made a mad dash for the toilet but felt the wave coming after two steps. I grabbed a bag of trash next to the front door and showed it no mercy. After I'd recovered and cleaned up, Mom asked if I'd seen the bag with her tax materials. FML

#993995
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16436) - you deserved it (47525)

On 04/15/2009 at 3:47pm - health - by caramelkarma (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my aunt brought me a birthday present. I quickly figured out that she'd simply returned the jacket I let her borrow two years ago for my brother's graduation party. It reeks of cigarette smoke and alcohol. FML

#20115007
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16433) - you deserved it (1293)

On 10/13/2012 at 1:32pm - misc - by bubblebuttfuckfart (woman) - Ireland

Today, I went to the emergency room for busting my lip open, I had to lie and tell them I slipped and fell. In reality I was singing with the soap bottle and slammed it into my lip. FML

#17968240
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16432) - you deserved it (10897)

On 10/12/2011 at 4:05pm - misc - by Nickname (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I went out to lunch with two friends from high school. We saw a girl that we graduated with at the restaurant. The girl gave both of them hugs and introduced herself to me. FML

#748
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16431) - you deserved it (1427)

On 01/07/2009 at 10:42am - misc - by bex - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was headed on vacation with my family. On the way, our trailer tire blew out. Because the trailer was tilted from the flat tire, the door would not open to get the spare. After breaking the window to get the spare and putting it on, the spare blew out. FML

#19966487
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16432) - you deserved it (1387)

On 07/21/2012 at 1:26am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, after applying for a job at the local pet store, I picked up a ferret. It began licking my cheek, causing me to turn my head. It then latched onto my ear and hung like a giant furry hoop earring. I screamed, then quietly left the building. FML

#19091480
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16426) - you deserved it (3676)

On 02/16/2012 at 2:43am - animals - by parkertownparadise (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, as an important meeting with clients was drawing to a close, we all stood up and they bid their farewells. My response was to blurt out, "Hello!" FML

#18701372
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16428) - you deserved it (6530)

On 01/03/2012 at 10:30pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I worked up the courage to give a guy my number. I wrote it down on a piece of paper, tore it in half and gave it to him. Later, I noticed I'd given him the wrong, blank half. FML

#20142410
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16425) - you deserved it (9293)

On 11/01/2012 at 12:24am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, my dad saw on TV that in some parts of Africa, it's not uncommon for people to attach make-shift flamethrowers to their cars to defend against carjackers. He's now lost his mind and is forcing me to help him put one together to scare off Jehovah's Witnesses. FML

#20124199
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16424) - you deserved it (1850)

On 10/19/2012 at 5:39pm - misc - by Watchtower? More like fortress. (man) - Norway (Oslo)

Today, I was scheduled for an interview at a local firm owned by two partners. The secretary told me to be there at around 12:00 to 12:30 pm, so I arrived at 12:15. The first boss told me off for being early, the other one yelled at me for being late. FML

#20084697
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16424) - you deserved it (1416)

On 09/23/2012 at 5:23am - work - by whatisthisidonteven (woman) - Israel (Tel Aviv)

Today, I wanted to sleep in after a rough week, only to be woken up by my roommate's sex screams and the pounding of her bed against the wall. Earplugs did not help. FML

#6194907
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16418) - you deserved it (1828)

On 11/07/2009 at 11:24am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I saw my doc about the painful swelling I've had in my arm all week. He seemed totally out of it, and ended up telling me it's all in my head, despite the swelling. When I respectfully suggested it might be a blood issue, he just said "nah". FML

#19288691
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16418) - you deserved it (1665)

On 03/16/2012 at 1:24pm - health - by jarv49 (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I got my dog back from my aunt. Rather than taking him to an actual groomer, I gave him to my aunt because she needed a few extra bucks. My generosity lost me $35, and gave my dog ticks and a bad haircut. FML

#19304528
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16418) - you deserved it (4457)

On 03/18/2012 at 11:09pm - animals - by tickdog - United States (Texas)



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: