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Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I brought to her attention a rather large zit on the corner of her mouth. She called me an insensitive prick. I only pointed it out because I didn't want other people to see it and make fun of her. FML

#8624928
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20966) - you deserved it (18427)

On 02/24/2010 at 9:26pm - love - by pickit (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was enjoying a nice bath, when one of my cats jumped up on the rim and started purring. I thought it was sweet, until my other cat ran in and body-slammed the first into the tub with me. Being a conscientious cat owner, I hadn't de-clawed them. FML

#20181270
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20966) - you deserved it (5831)

On 11/27/2012 at 2:52pm - animals - by Neutered (man) - United States (Alaska)

Today, I found out that whenever I send my son to his room, he goes on his iPod and buys the most expensive apps he can find. So far I've been charged $600. FML

#16332593
313 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20965) - you deserved it (47995)

On 05/24/2011 at 8:02pm - kids - by StupidApple -

Today, I was talking to my girlfriend about extinct peoples, and I said how close the Jewish people came to becoming one. She condescendingly told me they don't exist anymore. When I asked what she was talking about, I realized she was confusing them with the Vikings. What the hell? FML

#20126556
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20964) - you deserved it (2679)

On 10/21/2012 at 12:00pm - misc - by tempted to become single (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was waiting at an intersection. Across from me, a car was approaching and a bunny ran out. Trying to save it, I flashed my lights and beeped at the car crazily, when the bunny turned around. The lights turned, and as I drove forward the bunny came back out and I hit it. FML

#6346193
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20970) - you deserved it (6624)

On 11/17/2009 at 8:08pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I shaved my legs and armpits for the first time in 6 weeks. Unfortunately, I didn't have a hot date, I just had my yearly gyno exam. FML

#7151625
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20963) - you deserved it (7641)

On 01/04/2010 at 8:43pm - health - by hairybetty (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I went to an underwear shop, and an employee recommended me a push-up bra. I was wearing one. FML

#1427
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20960) - you deserved it (1988)

On 01/17/2009 at 6:31am - misc - by Pakundo - Sent from mobile version

Today, my patient had her call bell on. When I went to see what she needed, she replied that she was very itchy and could not reach to scratch the itch. I basically got called in to scratch my patient's crotch. FML

#19415832
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20960) - you deserved it (2146)

On 04/06/2012 at 2:15am - work - by akasha (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was holding a lit cigarette in one hand and a lollipop in the other. Guess which one I licked? FML

#1600117
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20959) - you deserved it (127700)

On 05/03/2009 at 5:05pm - misc - by htothecr (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, I was knocked into a wall by a high-pressure water cannon suddenly kicking in. I was only going to the corner store to buy some chocolate. Probably serves me right for not noticing a small riot due to a thumping hangover. FML

#17474756
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20958) - you deserved it (6213)

On 08/14/2011 at 10:39pm - misc - by Anonymous - Reserved

Today, I was walking down the street, when a car started cruising alongside me. I looked over, annoyed, at which point the driver started screaming obscenities and telling me that I'm "gonna get it" for "betraying" him, before angrily speeding off. I'm too scared to even sleep now. FML

#19044019
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20958) - you deserved it (2214)

On 02/10/2012 at 9:14pm - misc - by Saw (woman) - United Kingdom (Nottingham)

Today, I discovered my son, who has recently moved out of our home, eating his dog's food. His excuse? He wanted the new Pokemon game, and "compromises had to be made". FML

#20122132
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20956) - you deserved it (2670)

On 10/18/2012 at 4:33am - kids - by anon - Australia

Today, I was getting it on with my boyfriend in my dorm room. My roommate came in, despite the signal I had up on the door. She didn't leave. She got on her computer and started playing Solitaire. FML

#5050419
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20953) - you deserved it (4740)

On 09/04/2009 at 10:43pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)



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