Today, I had a friend tell me all about how being a vegan was so great. They were eating eggs. FML
Today, I was at the theatre watching a movie. There was a lady and a kid behind me. I all of a sudden felt ice hit my head. I turned around and asked the kid to stop, then heard his mom say, "Hit that cow!" FML
Today, I had my first threesome. It was me, my wonderful girlfriend, and her shithead cat after he decided my balls were a bag of catnip and just had to play with. Things ended pretty fast. FML
Today, the incredibly handsome, talented, hilarious, and intelligent man that I've fallen head over heels like no other for is gay. FML
Today, I got my first driving lesson from my dad. We traded seats, I started the car and his entire lesson was, "Go." FML
Today, and even at this very moment, my ex, who I'm still in love with, is having sex with her new boyfriend. He's my neighbor and she's making a lot more noise with him than she did with me. FML
Today, I was set up on a blind date. When I arrived, the person waiting for me was a woman. It appears that my friends have always thought I was a lesbian, and that they 'played along' when I talked about guys. FML
Today, I put my car in the garage last night so it wouldn't get damaged by a huge thunderstorm. Golf clubs fell on it while it was stowed away. FML
Today, I passed my math test with flying colors. My dad thought I had cheated, so he emailed the school and told them that I had. They lowered my grade. FML
Today, at work, a customer called in and asked me to read off every item on our menu, along with their ingredients. I work at Jamba Juice so that's a lot of reading. After about 10 minutes of this, I found out it was actually my stupid co-worker calling from the back phone. FML
Today, I backed a van into another car at work, damaging the tailgate in the process. I work at a panel beater. The van I was driving had just had a brand new tailgate put on. FML
Today, after a 9 hour train journey through the Polish mountains, I mistook a small black and white cat for a penguin. FML
Today, I learned that my hairdo must look like a rat. I found out when a hawk swooped down and dug its claws into my head while I was sunbathing. FML
Today, I found out that my husband of five years was living a double life. He and his mistress have two children together and a third one on the way. He told me the only reason he stayed with me was for my money. I make about 8 dollars an hour and work two jobs to make ends meet. FML
Today, on the bus, a young high school boy sat down next to me and started to chat me up. I thought it was cute until he asked me which high school I was attending. I'm 27, I'm married, I have a child. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were preparing for the arrival of Hurricane Sandy. I tasked him with going out to buy emergency groceries in case we lose power. He returned with dozens of microwave cup noodles. We're going to starve. FML
cupnoodles tells us more.
OP here! My boyfriend bought regular cup noodles, but our building uses electricity for hot water. We ended up buying one of those hot plates, which was a good investment! Although his comment was really uncalled for, speaking respectfully to #1, I think that everyone has their own issues to deal with. We use this site for each others entertainment and to tell others general issues we have as people. Similarly to how you MIGHT post about getting stuck at home from, what maybe many New Yorkers consider, a little amount of snow and saying FML, I am doing the same about about a, what you consider, little category 1 storm. I hope your mood turns around because taking it out on someone you don't know over the internet will only cause a lot of psychological damage to you and potentially someone who is not self-actualized or confident. The area we live in is currently in danger of a power outage, but I think we're ready for it! Thank you everyone for all their warm prayers and so much more! :)
Today, I realized the extent of my crush on one of my employees when I found myself cropping our picture out of the staff photo to see what we would look like as a couple. FML
Today, I started at my new job. Turns out my boss is a complete douchebag. He spent most of the day looking over our shoulders and making cuntish comments about our work, then called a guy a piece of shit for farting, and forced him to spray disinfectant on his chair. FML
Today, it's the five year anniversary of the day I broke up with my girlfriend to see other people. I've not had sex a single time since. FML
Today, I passed out while I was with my boyfriend in his garden. I woke up on the concrete just outside his house. Apparently, he'd tried to carry me in, but because he was too weak, he gave up and went to watch TV. FML
Today, I took the motherboard out of my computer so I could put more RAM and a new video card in. While I was in the bathroom my mom threw it all out because it 'looked like garbage'. FML
Today, I told my wife if she wanted to get a divorce, she just had to get a cat since I'm deathly allergic. She got two. FML
Today, I got threatened to get dragged out of the window at work because I wouldn't sell someone hot wings. I work at Taco Bell. FML
Today, I have been talking to someone for the past 9 months. He always said he could never give me a relationship. But he loves me. He finally told me it’s because he’s been with someone for 3 years and I’m basically the side chick he fell in love with. FML
Today, my now ex-boyfriend called me over for an "important chat". This chat consisted of him not only insisting that we have sex whenever he feels like it, but demanding that I take birth control pills, because making him wear a condom is "sexist and degrading." FML
Today, I had sex with my fiancée. My panties fell behind the bed. Later, when I went to get them, I found three other pairs. Only one pair was mine. FML
Today, my dad suggested I go back to my abusive, psychotic ex, who happens to be the father of my only child. He suggested this only so I can get pregnant again, and get more money back on my taxes. His "bright side" to this? At least my kids will have the same father. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend how he felt about me and he said, "You're the hottest seven I've ever met." FML
Today, for the second week in a row, my brother woke me up in the small hours of the morning begging me to help him figure out the math problem to turn off his phone's stupid-ass app alarm. FML
Today, I finally got a Wii Fit to try and lose some weight. I came home and set it all up, only to be told that I weigh too much to actually use it. FML
Inod tells us more.
I'm the OP, decided to make an account... Reason I put on so much weight is cause I had a car run up my leg by a 16 year old bitch who was too busy chatting on her phone to even notice she hit me. So after my broken foot, ankle, and leg "healed", I got to go through the process of starting rehab on all the torn stuff in my ankle. 18 months later, I can walk again with only a slight limp. Yay! Believe me, I'd love to be able to go out for a walk or hit the gym but some days (rainy days especally) going from bed to the bathroom is a chore and any kind of incline or decline hurts still. And I didn't know I was over 330 when I got to the store (got a scale too, 334... what a bitch, huh?) so that was a huge shock. Obviously I know I was overweight, but not this bad. Thanks to like the 10 people with kind words... the rest of you enjoy your summer, high school starts back up in about 8 weeks.
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