The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

By Anonymous - 13/09/2009 17:36 - United States

Spicy

Today, I realized that when my new roommate said we could both use the condoms he bought, he didn't mean separately. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 430

You deserved it 4 531

Clout goblins

By Anonymous - 24/06/2021 20:01 - United States - Duluth

Today, I'm 6 months pregnant with my first child and excited. My brother and his girlfriend announced they're getting married… on my due date. They refuse to change the date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 375

You deserved it 224

By Anonymous - 08/02/2013 22:38 - United Kingdom - Romford

Today, I told my parents that I was going to hang out with some friends. My dad guffawed and said, "Ooh, look at Mary, pretending she has a social life." Thanks, Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 474

You deserved it 3 323

By imawesome - 02/03/2012 03:54 - United States

Spicy

Today, I wondered if my orgasms are worth the bother, seeing as I get horrible "I feel like I'm dying" cramps every time I climax. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 037

You deserved it 2 997

Bad influence

By minder97 - 24/06/2021 16:01 - Canada

Today, my brother was suspended from school. He referred to himself as "Master" and two female classmates as his "bitches" in front of his teacher. He's ten years-old. What kind of family do I live in? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 064

You deserved it 127

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 09/09/2022 23:00 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, as I'm traditional, this that means I learned the bride's parents pay for wedding, the groom's parents pay for the honeymoon. My in-laws didn't pay for a honeymoon. Fine - they disappointed me, I'll disappoint them with no grandchildren. No honeymoon, no grandchildren. FML

I agree, your life sucks 365

You deserved it 2 917

By cfaul001 - 29/02/2012 17:41 - United States

Spicy

Today, I got extremely wasted and decided to take a shower with my boyfriend. What seemed like a good and sexy idea turned into us falling and getting wedged in the bathtub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 230

You deserved it 27 813

Pretty mean

By thatgirl247 - 11/09/2009 17:05 - United States

Today, I decided to check out my school's quarterback's Twitter, since we have a class together. He wrote, "Dear girl in front of me, I thought you were pretty until you turned around." It was funny, until I realized the timestamp was when we have class together, and I sit in front of him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 212

You deserved it 5 222

Release the tapes!

By Anonymous - 01/07/2021 00:01

Today, for the second time in my life, I fell and got stuck between my wall and my bed wrapped in a blanket, mad. Instead of helping me, my brother just took videos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 715

You deserved it 346

By jigglepuff - 09/02/2014 17:00 - United States - Scottsdale

Today, I heard my sister talking to my mom about me, saying that I have the ability to suck the life out of a room like a Dementor. I walked in and asked what she meant by that. My mom replied, "She means you're an asshole." I love you too, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 756

You deserved it 6 781

Setup

By hamandegger - 04/02/2013 20:17 - United States - Raynham

Spicy

Today, my friend asked me to fix his laptop for him because it is loaded with viruses. When I turned it on and started searching for the problem, I couldn't find it. Luckily I was able to find a video of him banging my girlfriend. We've been together for eight years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 853

You deserved it 4 524

Coming through!

By Fender bender - 10/09/2022 11:30 - United States - Staten Island

Today, I was driving around a parking lot, looking for an empty spot. Someone was backing out a bit too quickly as I was about to pass by, so I honked to announce myself. The driver instead panicked and reversed into my front bumper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 881

You deserved it 251

That's still a thing?

By Anonymous - 13/09/2022 04:30

Today, while shopping at a grocery store, I was the winner of the '1,000,000 customer of the year' award. I was surrounded with people taking pictures and everyone looking, all while I was buying adult diapers for my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 177

You deserved it 140

By belladonna - 26/02/2009 22:21 - United States

Today, I took the subway. The man sitting across from me would not stop staring at my breasts, so when the train came to my stop, I said, "Nothing to see now, asshole." Then I noticed his white walking stick as he got up to get off. He was blind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 225

You deserved it 79 321

Welcome!

By Anonymous - 24/04/2011 04:10 - United States

Today, my husband and I had the grand opening to our new winery. We had a big sign out front saying "FREE GRAPES", to try and get more people interested. People kept giving us dirty looks when passing. We later realized there was something covering the "G". FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 392

You deserved it 10 485

By Anonymous - 23/04/2011 05:11 - United States

Today, my dog disappeared for an hour. After I'd called her name repeatedly, she crawled out from under my bed, threw up on my feet, and then happily walked out the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 123

You deserved it 4 186

Help this person out, please?

By Anonymous - 14/03/2020 18:00 - Netherlands - Bergeyk

Today, I have no close friends, only "people I know and occasionally talk to." I have no idea how I got here, and how to re-socialize back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 692

You deserved it 223

Main character syndrome

By birthday_loser - 23/01/2013 19:33 - United States - Newport News

Today, I was upset because my brother, who I'm very close to, didn't call me for my birthday yesterday. I told my mom about it, and we both immediately went silent on the phone, as we both realized she forgot to call me yesterday as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 486

You deserved it 3 775

By Jedi2500 - 15/02/2012 23:53 - United States

Today, as I was leaving for work, I discovered my neighbor had just passed away. I found out when I came across his body lying in my front yard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 486

You deserved it 2 171

By MommyProblems - 19/01/2014 05:17 - United States

Today, my 2-year-old son put his hand on my face, gave me a sweet kiss, and put his cheek against mine. Then he slapped me hard enough to leave a mark, laughed, and scrambled away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 069

You deserved it 6 864

By ryuken23 - 14/02/2012 19:16 - United Kingdom

Today, after breaking down in front of my therapist over some really sensitive issues, she decided to also break down. Not about my story but about her own life. I'm not being paid to comfort and console my therapist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 098

You deserved it 2 940

By Anonymous - 20/03/2010 08:38 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I had to explain to my dad why it is important for him to clear the browsing history after watching sexual explicit material on the family computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 210

You deserved it 4 079

By Katherine - 13/02/2012 21:23 - United States

Today, I was talking to a friend about how many germs live on the average cell phone. My five year old son apparently overheard me talking, and decided to give my cell phone a bath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 638

You deserved it 6 516

By mrboston - 01/09/2009 23:44 - United States

Spicy

Today, my college roommate whom I've never met moved in. Good thing I wasn't completely naked, playing with myself on the couch when he walked in. That would've been awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 651

You deserved it 43 295

Logic

By Anonymous - 20/07/2021 20:01

Today, I received a call telling me I had not gotten a job I would have been a perfect fit for. The hiring manager told me they "went in the opposite direction" and chose to hire someone with less experience, so they didn't have to pay them as much. She made sure to tell me I was still the better candidate though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 363

You deserved it 82

By MenSuck - 01/09/2009 03:56 - United States

Today, I told the guy I have been sort of dating that I want to connect emotionally before sleeping with him. He told me that he already had an emotional connection with his fiancée and was only interested in sleeping with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 419

You deserved it 9 111

mensuck tells us more.

mensuck 0

Thursday 3 September 2009 22:07

Just to clear the air: 1.I'm not a ****, obviously, since I didn't sleep with the creep 2.I did not know about the girl 3.Sort of dating means: going on dates, kissing, holding hands, but not boyfriend/girlfriend (aka that weird stage when your facebook relationship status goes blank or to it's complicated) 4.Trust me, I ran very fast, and there were no obvious warning signs 5.Thanks for reading.

By CollegeBoy - 13/04/2011 13:07 - Canada

Today, my high school guidance counselor tried to convince me NOT to go to college, mainly because it's been so long since someone from my high school went to college, that she got rid of all the college information she used to have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 623

You deserved it 3 673

By splitzville - 16/03/2010 20:12 - United States

Today, I noticed a cute girl in the checkout lane at the store. Feeling a little flirtatious, I decided to blow a bubble with my gum to get her attention. I accidentally shot the gum out of my mouth onto the guy next to me, spitting all over myself in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 974

You deserved it 40 916

Besties

By Oh dear... - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I told my college friend that I considered her to be my best friend. She responded, "I don't think you should call me that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 098

You deserved it 4 187

What are you doing here?

By sadmom - 18/03/2020 05:05

Today, I found out the man I have been dating is my son’s principal. I found out by having to pick my suspended son up from school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 699

You deserved it 443

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Drunk Embarrassing Awkward Neighbours Transportation Cars Spooky Work Annoying Noise Animals Insects Delivery Cats Roommate Clothes Job interview Childfree Parents Home improvement Homeowners Holidays Vacation Camping Stalker Grandparents Kids Health Relatable

The Top

The Top

Today, after waiting in front of a washroom stall for 20 minutes to take a dump, I finally realized that the "person" in the stall was just a pair of shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 358

You deserved it 3 490

Today, my biology professor was giving a lecture to everyone and used me as an example. For what? Traits men are repulsed by in potential mates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 844

You deserved it 3 643

Today, I was caught stealing a video game. I realized after my parents were called that the case was actually empty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 074

You deserved it 90 231

Today, at work, a little boy shyly told his mom he thought I was cute. I smiled at him as she looked me up and down and said to him, "Eww, honey. No, you do not!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 869

You deserved it 3 169

Today, I found out that as I get closer to 40, I often need to wipe my arse when I fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 751

You deserved it 646

Today, I apparently fell asleep during a work Zoom meeting. I awoke to no meeting on my screen and an e-mail from my boss saying I was terminated, and to do something about my "sleep apnea." FML

I agree, your life sucks 877

You deserved it 990