Today, I started at my new job. Turns out my boss is a complete douchebag. He spent most of the day looking over our shoulders and making cuntish comments about our work, then called a guy a piece of shit for farting, and forced him to spray disinfectant on his chair. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boss let me sit in on a board meeting. It was awesome until the guy next to me let out a vile fart, then looked at me in disgust, causing the others to look at me in disgust too. When I told my boss what really happened, he told me to grow up and stop blaming the other guy. FML
Today, it was my first day at my new job. Not only does everyone hate me for replacing a guy they all liked, I managed to clog the only functional toilet there. The glares and threatening head-shaking they keep doing probably means I'm screwed. FML
Today, I started work at my new job. I was excited to have been given an office of my own, but shortly after sitting down at my desk, the door across the hall opened and an unspeakably murderous stench that could've curdled milk seeped in. My office is opposite the men's room. Great. FML
Today, my boss was being a total asshole. While in the bathroom, he turned his back on me, so I gave him the finger, mouthed obscenities, and pantomimed stabbing him with a knife. He was looking in the mirror and saw everything. FML
Today, I was awkwardly taking a dump at work, when a coworker in another stall started talking shit to me about our boss. I grunted and agreed, hoping he'd shut up and leave me alone. That's when a third guy sarcastically chimed in with insults from a third stall. It was our boss. FML
Today, I showed up to my new job early, hoping to impress my new boss. When he arrived, he walked by me and muttered, "Fucking tryhard." FML
Today, I found out my boss likes to shit talk about me when I'm not around. The best part is that I don't know what I've done to piss him off. FML
Today, I started at my new job. My manager, upon meeting me, hugged me and sniffed my neck, then commented that I smelled "natural" and told me how much he loves that. I have to work with this creep until god knows when. FML
Today, my boss confirmed he is a micro-managing asshole. We walked into the office together and I turned on the lights. He switched them off and switched them on again, just to make sure that I did it right. FML
Today, my new boss lost his shit and flew into a ten minute rant against me about the "value of respect". He told me that if I wanted to stay in "his" company, I'd best start toeing the line. All this because I corrected his misuse of "your" and "you're" in one of his memos. FML
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Top comments
UhHuhHoney 20
That sucks. I would leave if this continues, don't want to be working in a negative ass environment.
AnthonyWheeler15 24
Yikes, how can he expect positive outcomes from his employees when he's breathing down their necks and being a dick? Hope it gets better OP.
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Comments (34)
BloodyDemon_fml 22
Sounds like a shitty job :P
chefcow 17
Why did everyone hate on this beautiful pun
dyehardxen 19
Because this isn't a pun.
Enkeria 30
It's more of a smelly job.
UhHuhHoney 20
That sucks. I would leave if this continues, don't want to be working in a negative ass environment.
[email protected] 14
Every job is almost a negative ass job environment where I live
_parth 20
I would probably work there till I find another job. It's Peso talking.
AnthonyWheeler15 24
Yikes, how can he expect positive outcomes from his employees when he's breathing down their necks and being a dick? Hope it gets better OP.
HyunnK 18
It builds character.
pedinhuh 23
It starts bankrupcy.
thawny_fml 21
It wouldn't be called work if your boss was nice. I empathise with you on this one.
Morning_fml 22
Nice bosses actually motivate their employees to work better and harder and give that positive vibe without that fear of being fired because the boss isn't a dick. If your boss is practically nice then you'll always look forward to working.
engineerosaurus 26
Sometimes bosses do need to be tough, but being tough when called for is not a euphemism for routinely being a ********.
Mauskau 36
My boss is incredibly nice until you piss her off or do something wrong, and then she'll turn bitch mode on whilst telling you off. And then she'll be nice again. All bosses should be like her.
randomname98 22
My boss was the nicest person in the world! Do your job well and your boss will (generally) be nice!
blondeamazonian 18
Sounds like a douchebag and a lunatic all in one. Best of luck to you OP, whether you try to stick it out, or look for something better/saner.
TurtleSandWhich 11
That would suck. If I were you I'd try to find a new job.
DocBastard 40
The only thing that sucks worse than an asshole boss is...um...is, uh... Nope, nothing's worse than that. Well, other than "shitty situation" comments.
HyunnK 18
Finding out your friends shoved a bottle up your butt sucks. Or so I've heard.
ProfessorMctitie 20
Im just curious what OPs boss does when he farts in his own chair. He probably sniffs it
brittaaany_93 38
It really annoys me that people like this get manager positions. No one wants to work in an environment like that with a shitty boss. I know the feeling all too well, hope it gets better!
PenguinBitch 44
"Called a guy a piece of shit for farting, and forced him to disinfect his chair." Hhahahahah. That's going too far.
CaliCassanova 14
Hhhhm I hate guys like that! Who always want to play who has the bigger dick! In my personal experience the guys that want to play are always bluffing call him out on the attitude and record everything that happens so you have proof!
ksks1234 33
Since he is the boss, it would be kind of hard to call him out, especially since op is new. My boss is a complete bitch, everyone knows she is, but she has worked here so long, she can be. I just act super nice, it drives people like that crazy.