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By azerty - 10/02/2012 10:50 - Sweden

Today, it’s exam day in Sweden. Yesterday, I prepared three fountain pens and six cartridges. The exam starts. Suddenly, I’m stressing out: my pens had frozen during the night. Thanks, sub-zero conditions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 104

By justmyluck - 26/08/2011 05:28 - Australia

Today, after waiting 3 months, I finally got my wedding dress back from the dry-cleaners. The dry cleaning lasted longer than the marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 478

You deserved it 10 026

By apaterra - 04/11/2015 17:30 - United States

Today, I was at work at the library and a patron handed me some change. When I asked what it was for, he said he had found it in one of the urinals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 978

You deserved it 1 458

Stickler

By Anonymous - 02/09/2014 15:49 - United Kingdom - London

Spicy

Today, I finally got to watch some porn after not being able to for a while. All I could notice in the video was how badly the participants were playing snooker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 362

You deserved it 8 749

Sounds fun

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - London

Today, my boyfriend was entertaining himself by shoving tampons up his nose and seeing how far across the bed he could blow them. This man is the father of my son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 093

You deserved it 10 471

By prevostsrocklike - 11/05/2009 12:38 - United States

Today, I gave my wife a cat. The first thing it did when it got out of the box was scratch the sh*t out of my leg. Next, it ran up to my wife and purred. She said, "Good cat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 534

You deserved it 84

By wookieewhosshe - 18/05/2019 12:30

Today, it's the first day in 3 weeks that I'm in my flat after 7 a.m. due to a very busy work schedule. I was looking forward to a Saturday lie-in. Also today, my flatmate's alarm clock went off loudly from 7:30 to 10:30. He's in another country and his door is locked. Bye bye lie-in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 929

You deserved it 141

Technique

By shiznit - 25/10/2010 19:05 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out that the only way to get my boyfriend to last more than one minute in the sack is to let him watch cartoons while we do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 707

You deserved it 4 305

By Anonymous - 21/05/2019 12:00

Today, while volunteering at my local library, a guy who smelled like crap followed me around all day. Every time I would bend over to shelf a book, he would start grunting. Apparently, he's going to be at the library every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 974

You deserved it 112

Empty gesture

By Loved - 25/05/2019 16:15

Today, my boyfriend bought me an engagement ring. It turned out to be the wrong size and we had to return it, since the store said it couldn't be re-sized. As we headed home, I felt guilty, so I turned to him and apologized. His response? "It's OK honey, I didn't really want to marry you that much anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 656

You deserved it 218

By Awkward Jeff - 26/05/2019 12:30

Today, I was home alone, so for fun I put red lipstick on. A few minutes later, my doorbell rang. I managed to get it off before I got the door. I saw my neighbor, and had a long conversation with him. After which, I came inside and realized I had lipstick all over my teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 433

You deserved it 801

Overdoing it

By Anonymous - 05/05/2022 22:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out my boyfriend has epilepsy. How did I find this out? He started having a seizure after I did a striptease for him. I can’t get my boyfriend aroused now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 126

You deserved it 199

AITA?

By Kathryn - 13/08/2011 10:31 - Belgium

Today, I was driving my twin daughters to school, when I accidentally honked my horn. I told them it was an accident, then one of my kids said she already knew, because I didn't yell "ASSHOLE!" afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 410

You deserved it 41 205

By rockefoe - 20/10/2010 18:41 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that I didn't feel like he loved me. His response? "Why else would I be with you? Your looks?" He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 544

You deserved it 8 701

By WorstMedicalBill - 20/11/2009 14:53 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on when I realized I had to sneeze. Not wanting to sneeze on her, I tried my hardest to hold it in. When I climaxed, I couldn't hold it in any more and sneezed all over her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 214

You deserved it 21 895

This charming man

By Anonymous - 15/05/2022 22:00

Spicy

Today, my date from last night sent a text obviously meant for his brother or a friend, which said, and I quote, “Bro I tried all those psychological tricks you taught me to get her to want to suck my dick but she didn’t offer even once, now I got blue balls and I had to pay for her meal too.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 880

You deserved it 353

By life insurance for 1 - 30/05/2013 16:29 - United States - Encino

Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old son covering my nose and mouth with his hand and complaining, "Noooo, you need to die now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 731

You deserved it 5 589

By baebookboo - 04/08/2014 15:08 - United States - Lawrence

Today, I asked my mom about signing up for an online dating site. She took one look at me and said, "Why get rejected online when you can just go outside for the same?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 235

You deserved it 4 494

By pandora - 13/06/2012 09:08 - Israel - Palmahim

Today, I fell asleep on the bus. When I woke up, my head was resting on the broad, tanned shoulder of the smoking hot guy sitting next to me. I had drooled a little. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 566

You deserved it 5 104

By kate - 29/04/2009 01:39 - United States

Today, I was eating at Applebees at a high table with bar stools. I was reaching over to get some gum out of mom's purse when my chair flipped out from under me and my soda fell on top of me and got in my ear. To make things worse, the waiter ran over and shouted "I give that one a 10!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 805

You deserved it 8 585

Nice…

By MexyBoy - 11/06/2019 16:08

Today, I wanted to do something nice for my mom. So, while she was sleeping, I cleaned the whole house for her and even made her breakfast. A few minutes later, she came downstairs and yelled at me to keep it down because she was trying to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 932

You deserved it 310

Karaoke night

By helluvasinger - 12/11/2009 11:00 - South Africa

Today, I went to a karaoke bar that my girlfriend works at. I'm a halfway decent singer, so I picked out a song we both liked and decided to give it a go. Halfway through the song I sneezed, tripped, fell off the stage and knocked myself out in front of my girlfriend and fifty bar patrons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 230

You deserved it 5 497

By Inthedumps - 23/07/2014 00:51 - United States - Jerseyville

Today, my boss is still refusing to hire any more people because he's convinced I can handle all of the work after the majority of staff quit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 923

You deserved it 3 615

By pregnant loser apparently - 20/05/2013 04:31 - United States - Franklin

Today, my parents posted on Facebook that they were excited that my sister was pregnant and couldn't wait to be grandparents. Last week I told them that I, a 33-year-old happily married woman, was pregnant and they told me I was ruining my life and encouraged me to have an abortion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 236

You deserved it 3 581

I don't get paid enough for this

By Anonymous - 05/10/2010 09:41 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was at work on a smoke break. I work at a truck stop, and it was around 2 a.m. Some old man pulled in and asked me if I would like to join him for some dinner. I said no, and told him I was working. He replied, "How much do you charge?" Apparently, even in sweats I look like a hooker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 394

You deserved it 6 730

By FML - 29/07/2011 04:20 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out that when you kick another man in the snowglobes and he smiles at you, there's something creepily wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 347

You deserved it 7 550

Our soul

By baddream - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, at my grandmother's funeral I tried my hardest not to cry, only allowing tears to fall and not making any noise, to be respectful at her funeral. Afterwards, my mother tells my father that I didn't cry, which obviously meant that I didn't love my grandmother and had no soul. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 038

You deserved it 4 782

By jobless - 30/06/2019 22:01

Today, I had my first interview after weeks of applying everywhere, but I got turned away for being "inappropriately dressed" for the interview. I was wearing the smartest clothes I own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 666

You deserved it 492

By akaka - 14/07/2014 13:38 - United States - Youngstown

Today, I was at the mall in the food court, when some guy asked for my number. I turned him down, but I was impressed with how ballsy he was. Without thinking, I said, "I like your balls!" Half the place instantly fell silent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 355

You deserved it 12 084

akaka_fml tells us more.

akaka_fml 14

Tuesday 15 July 2014 7:49

Hi, I am the OP. Check my profile to see that it is confirmed. Anyways I am not attached right now, he was 15 and I am 18. I didn't like the age difference. Anyways he did turn around and wink at me. Then walked away. You don't have to believe me but here is the truth.

By Anonymous - 02/06/2012 16:46 - Ireland - Bagenalstown

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend on the phone, when I accidentally let rip a monstrous fart. He swore at me for being a pig, hung up, and has ignored all my subsequent calls. I try not to date idiots, but it's like I have a big old shithead-attracting magnet attached to me or something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 163

You deserved it 14 894

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Today, my boss lost the company a very lucrative contract I had worked on for weeks because he wouldn't tolerate the client's "disrespect." The disrespect? Asking him to not interrupt her or put words in her mouth during a conference call with her employees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 931

You deserved it 1 192

Today, I was in a public restroom when someone took the toilet next to mine. Moments later, a used tampon rolls into my cubicle followed by an "Oops!" A creeping hand then promptly reached under to retrieve it. Both her hand and the tampon touched my bare toes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 682

You deserved it 4 254

Today, I was at the park with my new boyfriend. We were sitting between some trees when some of his mates turned up in the park. He pushed me behind a tree so his mates wouldn't see and went to join them in a game of football. He pretended not to know me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 988

You deserved it 5 298

Today, I went through the drive-through at Dunkin Donuts and asked for an iced coffee. After no response, I started frantically screaming about bad service. After a while, a woman came out to my car and said, "Please pull up to the speaker." I'd been yelling at a garbage bin for 5 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 480

You deserved it 124 977

Today, I was on the worst blind date ever, so I tried to secretly request an Uber to get out of there. My date then picked up his phone, receiving my request. Turns out he's an Uber driver and he was looking for a reason to get out of the date too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 107

You deserved it 845

Today, it's been two days since I went out to a club with my sister. I love dancing and was really getting really into it. However, my neck muscles are still sore. From dancing for two hours. I'm 28. FML

I agree, your life sucks 747

You deserved it 262