Today, as I was changing my sheets, I found a huge spider under my pillow. My 10 year-old sister had to get rid of it for me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while cleaning out my garage, I found a pregnant spider. I couldn't step on the spider without releasing the baby spiders, so I went inside to get a glass jar to trap it. While trying to relocate the spider, I accidentally stepped on it. I now have a bunch of baby spiders roaming around. FML
Today, I saw a long black hair coming out of the drain. Thinking it was my sister's, I called her in and pulled it out for her to see, only to realize I was actually pulling out a long brown roach by the antenna. FML
Today, I was with my 3 year-old son in the doctor's office. During the exam, he informed the doctor that he doesn't sleep in mommy's bed anymore because mommy sleeps in her underwear and farts all night long. FML
Today, I was babysitting a new child. I guess she heard me tell her parents about my severe peanut allergy because she got a jar out of the pantry, spread it all over the stairs leading to where her fort was, and walked around with a baseball bat covered in it so I couldn't come near her. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night and felt deep breathing on my neck. I screamed, fell off the bed and busted my nose. It was just my cat. FML
Today, I lost my dog. I looked around my neighborhood for hours, and found him under my bed asleep when I got home. FML
Today, it's my sister's birthday. My parents got her a cat. I have serious allergies when it comes to cats. When I brought this issue up with my parents, they replied, "This day is not about you, it's about your sister." I can feel my throat tightening already. FML
Today, for the first time in about 3 years, I decided to clean my car. It was going really well until I looked down at what I was about to pick up. On the back seat floor lay a dead snake, which at one point, for God knows how long, was living in my car while I unknowingly drove it around. FML
Today, I was getting ready for a date when I noticed a spot on my chin. To get rid of it, I applied my sister's spot cream rather than picking it off. Within minutes, my entire chin looked like a swollen tomato. FML
Today, I woke up next to my roommate staring in horror. She said I was singing and farting in my sleep. Loudly. FML
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Top comments
Theglc20 27
I would have just burned down the house
dudeutookhrs 24
No shame in that!
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Comments (29)
dudeutookhrs 24
No shame in that!
gogo44444 28
Yeah I'm 14 and I kill small bugs for my 45 year old mom, it's completely normal
ata2002 3
There's plenty of shame. So many people are afraid of such tiny little things. It's not like they can really hurt you
Theglc20 27
I would have just burned down the house
mds9986 24
Better get rid of the whole neighborhood to be safe.
Badkarma4u 17
I say we take off and nuke the entire site from orbit, its the only way to be sure.
jentrynicole 20
She's stronger than I would have been.
clairelaliberte 16
Hey, you handled it quite well considering I would have likely panicked and locked myself out of the room.
sweetbliss3 37
no joke. one time there was a spider in my bed. and then I lost it somewhere under my bed. I didn't sleep in my room for a month. only thing I went in my room for was clothes that I shook out and checked before wearing.
pharaohasphuck 10
While I was taking a shower, a devilish spider had appeared next to my feet. I didn't have my glasses on and all I saw was a black dot on the floor. I got my glasses and saw it was was a spider. I haven't been in that bathroom for 5 months until my dad got mad at me for being a pussy :/
MedChew 19
Don't sweat it, I wouldn't go near a huge spider without at least being decked in full body armor with something big to smite it in hand. These things are hellspawns, man.
pokemyeyes 23
What if it managed to run up your armour and fall into a small crevice lost somewhere within you trapped between your clothes and body and you cant do anything about it because the full body armour takes like 5 hours to get in and out of? Easier and safer to just burn the house down.
americanafrican 32
good thinking, next time i will bomb it from outer space
cristy91 33
Aww, I would have taken the spider for you, OP! If it helps anything, nearly all spiders you find spidering about are totally harmless. If your fear isn't too extreme, try researching and learning about them, it should give you more confidence and let you appreciate a whole new form of life! If you want to start off with cute spiders, search up peacock spiders (like the sparklemuffin).Good luck :)
americanafrican 32
never ever put cute and spiders in the same sentence
theplaguedkitten 5
sparkle...muffin...? and spiders are the 2nd cutest anals ever... only beaten by foxes of course
americanafrican 32
second cutest anal? i would hate to see the cutest
gabismendonca2 14
Definitely, not a spiderman.
nemisis11 12
Do you have an uncle by chance? (And is there a toy bin in the house?)
Grayness_ 26
I would probably do the same to be honest. You're not alone OP !:")
itsalanis 25
I think it's safe to say that the spider now owns that room in your house.