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By Wheel chair bound - 16/12/2016 21:14 - United States - Marion

Today, I received the good news that my spine looks normal. Either the degenerative disc that was diagnosed 5 years prior magically healed, or my current doctor is an idiot. Considering that it's felt like someone is chiseling into my spine for some days, I'm leaning toward the latter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 481

You deserved it 591

By Anonymous - 22/10/2015 19:02 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my two sons were fighting. I had to shout, "Give me that pillow" - the object over which they were quarrelling - and put them into two separate rooms. My sons are 12 and 15. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 406

You deserved it 2 999

By embarrassed - 18/08/2014 16:39 - United States - Great Neck

Today, I went to a baseball game with my girlfriend's dad. I got a boner when they sang the anthem, because that's what I sing in my head when having sex with his daughter so I last longer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 659

You deserved it 20 535

By SmallTownCutie - 29/05/2019 04:13

Today, I finally broke down and told my mom that I'd relapsed with my eating disorder. She told me to quit whining and eat a burger, because she didn't want to pay for another therapy session. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 139

You deserved it 498

Cartoonish

By mr_dinzaster - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, a dog came into my yard. I bent down to pet him, forgetting I had a burger in my hand. The dog grabbed it and ran. FML

I agree, your life sucks 889

You deserved it 2 261

Grounded

By Anonymous - 08/08/2014 23:25 - Sweden - Sundsvall

Today, I had a seizure while at the airport, ready to go on vacation with my family. We ended up missing our flight. My mom spent most of the ride home making cracks about how I'm always ruining things with my "dramatics". Sorry that I have epilepsy, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 795

You deserved it 3 570

By Anonymous - 17/10/2010 05:55 - United States

Today, I saw my boyfriend shaving his pubic hair before we had sex. This would be fine, except he was saying "Nom nom nom, I eat cock hairs" to his electric razor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 009

You deserved it 8 837

By Bride to be - 19/05/2017 16:00 - United States - Dayton

Today, after religiously eating healthy, getting good sleep, and trying to keep my stress level low, I'm stuck in bed with aches, fever, sore throat, the shits and throwing up. My wedding is in 2 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 008

You deserved it 243

Where's my shit?

By Still No Phone - 21/05/2017 18:00 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I checked for the third time this week if my package that 'arrived' five days ago had been found. Not only was it a different employee at the concierge desk, meaning I had to explain everything again, but they told me the same bullshit about how it's "not their fault". The package is my new phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 785

You deserved it 331

Newbie

By EggBomb - 01/12/2016 18:22

Today, after boiling eggs my whole life, I wanted to try a packaged hard-boiled egg for the first time. I'd never had a cold egg before, so I thought it would be a good idea to warm it up. Now, I'm cleaning out a billion pieces of egg shrapnel in the microwave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 473

You deserved it 9 881

By Anonymous - 12/06/2012 11:58 - United States - Gorham

Today, my grandmother saw me for the first time in years. "Not all your clothes have to be as tight as condoms, you tramp," is probably the nicest greeting she's ever given me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 346

You deserved it 9 139

By M. Moore - 10/06/2019 18:00

Today, my 12-year-old son came home after a week with his father. He was still wearing the same socks and underwear I sent him out with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 164

You deserved it 249

By roze198765 - 04/08/2011 01:19 - United States

Today, my cat died in the process of eating, and choking on, my hamster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 899

You deserved it 4 394

Major headache

By Emily 1992 - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff - United States - Klamath Falls

Today, and for the past 3 days, I've had a massive migraine. It finally went away while I was at work, thanks to my nose bleeding all over the place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 305

You deserved it 188

Drunken rampage

By Anonymous - 01/08/2011 21:47 - United States

Today, at some point, and for some reason I'll probably never fully understand, it seemed like a good idea to get completely shitfaced on tequila and try to shave my ballsack with a straight razor. I'm not sure if these wounds will ever heal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 004

You deserved it 71 837

By Anonymous - 13/07/2014 16:04 - United States - Pompano Beach

Today, I discovered the downside to having a "sneak-attacks-allowed" tickle war with my 4-year-old son. I had to explain to several outraged strangers at the supermarket why my son kept flinching and pulling away whenever I made any sudden movements near him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 382

You deserved it 6 837

By cadillacfrank - 24/07/2011 21:01 - United States

Today, I was dared to eat durian. With my reputation hanging in the balance, I bought one. Only after I opened it did I realize the extent of the dare. It smelled and tasted like dried cat shit that Satan himself had regurgitated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 830

You deserved it 36 608

Don't scratch every itch

By Anonymous - 27/05/2012 14:19 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my boyfriend and I were acting out a kinky scenario at home, where we'd met in a club and were having a one night stand. We ended up getting into a real argument about an imaginary girl in the club. I didn't have sex and we haven't spoken since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 065

You deserved it 36 110

By AboutToBeHomeless - 03/11/2016 13:16

Today, I received a letter from my landlord's attorney. It said my landlord is terminating my "verbal" lease with him. Ten years ago, the deal began as rent to own. My landlord is my grandfather. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 950

You deserved it 765

By morethanredhands - 21/05/2012 05:56

Today, while in the bathroom, I started absent-mindedly drumming on my thighs. I didn't stop to think that people outside would think I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 768

You deserved it 7 837

By chipmunk - 29/10/2009 05:20 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of seven years dumped me because he said my cheeks getting way too fat for his taste and he didn't want to be with a chipmunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 704

You deserved it 7 685

By Anonymous - 13/05/2012 15:12 - United States - Monson

Today, I realized that all the times I checked behind the shower curtain before peeing didn't prepare me for what to do if someone was actually there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 933

You deserved it 4 067

By Anonymous - 25/10/2009 16:09 - United States

Today, I was walking down the hall from the livingroom. I overheard my mom telling someone how proud she was of her baby girl and how much she loved her. I thought she was referring to my first ever all "A" report card. Turns out my new kitten used its litter box correctly for the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 085

You deserved it 3 595

WTF is that?

By fock - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada - Almonte

Today, I had to convince my 28-year-old boyfriend to take down his booger wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 769

You deserved it 5 479

By anonymous - 24/09/2016 13:10 - United States - Federal Way

Today, I was told I needed to start carrying bandaids with me at work because practically every day I hurt myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 188

You deserved it 2 353

Sorry mate, you're on your own

By LivingBroke - 21/08/2017 20:01

Today, I signed the lease for a flat that a mate and I decided to move into. About five minutes after leaving the renting agency, I received a text from my mate saying he couldn't move in with me after all. I am now the happy tenant of a large inner city flat that I can't afford. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 265

You deserved it 500

Butter fingers

By flop of shame - 17/08/2019 16:00

Today, I was walking into work holding a coffee and a bunch of other things. My employee saw me and held the door. I was almost there when I dropped my coffee, tried to catch it, tripped over the curb and fell flat on my face. I heard the door close while still lying there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 679

You deserved it 207

By fired - 13/05/2014 14:29 - United States - Millis

Today, my boss fired me after chewing me out for the horrible date he had with my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 756

You deserved it 4 477

By college will be fun they said - 16/09/2017 01:30 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I was running late to class and slipped down a staircase. Not only did nobody help me, but when I got up I noticed an old man staring at my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 642

You deserved it 437

Unionize!

By Anonymous - 09/09/2019 04:00 - United States

Today, my boss told me he was going to start taking money out of my pay, because his wife makes us lunch. I work for my dad, and he wants to start charging me because my mom makes me a sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 087

You deserved it 237

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The Top

Today, I heard my ten-year-old brother say, "Are hamburgers a reptile?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 954

You deserved it 2 788

Today, I started a new job. I lost my work keys and had everyone running all over the building looking for them. We found them, hanging in the last lock I had used. They now all think I'm a nut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 588

You deserved it 26 274

Today, on a plane home from Ireland, my husband who was severely hungover, vomitted in a bag before we took off. When he got up to put the bag in the bin the stewardess forced him to sit back down. I had to hold on to a bag full of vomit for a good few minutes whilst my husband was passed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 982

You deserved it 5 617

Today, we received a wedding invitation from a couple who are renting an apartment from us. They haven't paid rent for several months. My father is listed as the "principal sponsor." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 222

You deserved it 2 379

Today, I got an invite to my high school reunion. With visions of wowing my former classmates, I set about starting a diet and exercise regimen. The universe had other plans. On my first run out in the fields, I managed to trip over an invisible pebble, fall into a puddle, and fuck my ankle up. The only thing I'm reuniting with now is my couch and a bag of ice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 574

You deserved it 221

Today, I said that I'm not okay with my body. I'm not extremely obese, just gained some pounds, but it bugs me. My wife told me to search opportunities instead of excuses, and go to the f*ing gym. I'm still recovering after a serious accident and surgery, and I can't walk yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 540

You deserved it 136