Today, I had to sneeze really bad in a restaurant. To avoid sneezing on everybody's food, I turned my head to the side and sneezed, it just so happens a waitress was there serving a table. My nose went straight into her ass. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went to a very crowded restaurant. Being really shy, I requested to sit in the corner, but instead they placed me in the center of the dinning area. I started to eat my food and got really spaced out. Suddenly I sneeze-farted and everyone turned to look at me. FML
Today, at work, I was standing at the till helping an attractive man. I have a cold and could feel the snot bubbling up. He orders and we flirt for a bit. Just as I'm about to hand him his product, I sneeze quite loudly and forcefully all over his face. Guess I won't be getting that number. FML
Today, I was in a meeting when I felt a sneeze coming on. I tried to hold it in to avoid making a noise. Instead, I ended up sneeze-imploding so hard that I accidentally farted at the same time. The entire room went silent. FML
Today, I've been having really bad seasonal allergies. I was at work, and feeling just about to sneeze for at least a full minute, but thought I could stop it. A customer came up to me, I opened my mouth to greet her… but instead sneezed right in her face. Several seconds before my addled brain caught up. FML
Today, I was in a meeting with my boss and some new clients when I sensed that I was about to sneeze. I tried to hold it in, but ended up sneezing AND farting. FML
Today, I was working at the checkout. Trying to be hygienic, I suppressed a sneeze. I continued to serve the next person. As I was giving her her change, she looked at me with a horrified expression. I looked down and my shirt was covered in a trail of snot all the way to my belt. FML
Today, I broke my nose by sneezing too close to a table. FML
Today, I was on a date with a girl and everything was going great. As I took her back to her house and walked her to her door, I leaned in for a kiss. She seemed to really enjoy it, so I went for another but as I leaned in again, I sneezed uncontrollably, shooting her face with saliva and snot. FML
Today, I was at a restaurant for a quite important business lunch. I really had to go to the bathroom, but there was a queue to the only stall in the whole place, so I decided to just "hold it" and power through. Half an hour later, I sneezed and… didn’t exactly hold it in anymore. I had to excuse myself and leave the restaurant early. FML
Today, while in class, I had to sneeze. Not wanting to make a lot of noise, I held it in, only to instead let out a huge, long fart. Everyone, including the teacher, turned and stared at me intently. FML
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Top comments
Ourstory 3
win!!
RedPillSucks 33
Surprise butt sex?
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Comments (185)
Ourstory 3
win!!
iSitt 0
I lift the front of my shirt and sneeze into it. unless I'm phlegmy, in which case I'd have tissues available
raffucka 0
did you get her number?
psuboy 0
how did that smell?
ortega_fml 0
you were crop dusting in her ass cheeks.
KingDingALing 9
OP- YDI for putting your nose where it doesn't belong. See what I did there? :D
Marvin_Android 0
Sounds revolting. Nothing makes a meal even more melancholy like having a face full of Earth-monkey ass. Not that I would know. Robots don't eat. Thank God. I would find the process dull and tedious, much like anything else one can do in this universe. I'm not bringing you down, am I? Good. I must admit that I marvel at the futility of avoiding sneezing into everyone's food; you know the restaurant staff already polluted it in other ways before they served you, right? Life. Don't talk to me about life.
Skroal_stomper 5
That's not a FML. If she was hot it was worth it.
Trollz4daLULZ 2
Ortega, you ******* retard, that is NOT what cropdusting means. As someone who trolls IRL by cropdusting crowded areas, I demand you get your definition of cropdusting correct.
Brittneyyyy 7
How do you have to "sneeze really bad"... as compared to just "having to sneeze"? Maybe it's just me, but my sneezes are always the same.
iGrenade 0
was the waitress hot?
MissaGirl1 9
yes. I see what you did there.
_HeadShot_ 0
y us this an fml? unless the waitress was ugly?
johnnie99 0
was she at least good looking?
EffinAhole 0
Marvin I'm in love with you.
I_iz_special 0
Maybe op is a girl, so thus I can see the fml.
hellomynameisada 0
ooh lala
chewbacca69 0
sexy!
mazuma 0
and this is a FML because?
nbjohnson 0
Good thing no one was talking to you to begin with then, now isn't it? talk about futile attempts...
FrenchToast94 0
little bit of brown nosing?
EricaCookies 0
that couldn't have been avoided..but try sneezing into your lap, or even cover your mouth
phreshboi 1
better to cover with your elbow because if you sneeze into your hand you have germs on your hands which means once you shake hands/greet someone they will contact with the germs resulting them to maybe get sick etc etc
dane4422 0
lmao
xvolcomx675 0
stfu
elsnappypickle 0
stupid Asian bitch. stfu
meestershane 0
agreed
elliotg14 0
Shut up **** wit
Smeagol648 0
you smelled a chick's ass. Stop complaining!
johnnie99 0
OP is such a nosy ass
1personinthiswor 0
no no no, the waitress is.
writergirl69 0
maybe OP is a girl
emodude44 0
Lesbian assplay? Hot!
philtheawesome 0
yeah really! this should be the waitresses fml! "I was working as a waitress one night and I was serving these rich people! I knew they would give me a huge tip so I actedvery nice and gave them everything they wanted. then some guy stuck his head up my ass and mad me apill food all over my customers!!!
JBVL 0
are you that short...?
sourgirl101 29
I was thinking the same thing. Since when are asses face leveled at resturants? Oh and btw OP, cover your sneeze. You're spreading germs!
BethiiGeex 0
she's standing he's sitting dumb ass.
FYLDeep 26
If it was a mega sneeze he could have collapsed forward as he did it. I like thinking of it that way because it's a much funnier visual. Him just diving nose first into ass.
Mauskau 36
umm I'm 5th and my face is assheight me sitting them standing all the tine
Mauskau 36
5ft* time* stupid iPod ._.
ferrettamer 6
well 5' isn't rly tall. actually it is pretty short (no offense) and op is rly lucky!
goldenone 2
he was probably sitting down. you know, at a table? which restaurants have many of..
supernice 0
actually 5th is only about three inches below the avg height for girls
ifyouseekamy666 0
avg hieght for women is 5'6" and guys r 5'8"
CrazyManNo9 29
OMG That is just so funny!
mastahpg1 0
mud nose!! eww!
M0rt 0
He redefined "brown nosing"
cufaoil 11
one word: napkin
RedPillSucks 33
Surprise butt sex?
PurpleMonkeysFor 0
win !
EricaCookies 0
fml is full of RWJ viewers..
skwisgaar62 0
WIN
FTWisRIGHT 0
#44 Yeah, it's getting a bit annoying with everyone just copying him.
crypticsweller 0
#101 yea hut you have to admit he's a really funny guy :D
zm0nster 2
More like suprise Nose-Butt-Secks
chico1014 0
did it smell good?
amerwin 3
Hopefully she crop-dusted you for being nosy.
dumbrownhead 0
LMFAO, win!