The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

By Sharibabi65 - 07/03/2012 06:16 - United States

Spicy

Today, I told my fiancé I wanted to hear something romantic. He said, "My dick loves your mouth." I guess that's as good as it's going to get. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 496

You deserved it 6 862

By stupidteacher - 05/07/2016 15:02 - China - Guiyang

Today, I gave a presentation in class. I felt pretty good about it, until afterwards when I was told I lost points for communication because I'd been chewing gum. I wasn't, I just have a speech impediment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 410

You deserved it 968

Beady eye

By Anonymous - 16/11/2019 18:00

Spicy

Today, my bathroom flooded. I frantically cleaned my apartment as fast as I could before the plumber arrived. Everything was finally clean when I let him in. It wasn't until after he finished that I noticed I'd left my anal beads in the shower. There's no way he didn't notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 092

You deserved it 2 270

By PokeWife - 06/02/2013 13:38 - United States - Omaha

Today, my husband started a conversation with, "In Pokémon…" and ended the same conversation with "…and that's why we should divorce." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 329

You deserved it 4 532

Kinda heartless, but OK

By Anonymous - 30/06/2021 16:01

Spicy

Today, it’s been almost a month and a half of no intimacy between my boyfriend and me. To spice things up, I started going down on him. He burst out crying after a couple of minutes because he "misses his sister." The funeral was nearly 2 months ago already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 456

You deserved it 3 269

By Anonymous - 29/06/2016 01:51

Today, I received a notification that someone opened a fraudulent credit card in my name. I'm not sure what's worse: that they were approved at all with my terrible credit, or that I was denied for this exact card when I applied out of desperation last month to pay for my service dog's surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 560

You deserved it 918

By Dave - 10/09/2009 13:37 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years told me that I was part of an experiment for her Sociology doctorate. I also learned that the notebooks she's been writing in for the past three years aren't for her "doctorate in literature" as she had told me, they were notes on my behavior for the past 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 548

You deserved it 3 585

My chocolate

By oops - 31/12/2019 05:00

Today, I was being playful with my boyfriend and put a chocolate between my legs. He bit the chocolate. My lips too... FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 054

You deserved it 1 815

No chance

By Anonymous - 21/02/2020 20:00

Today, my girlfriend of two years called me over late at night. I got excited, assuming she finally wanted sex. No, she just wanted me to make her mac and cheese and talk to her because she was ‘restless’. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 565

You deserved it 925

Knowledge is power

By andy - 28/01/2013 04:36 - United States - Long Beach

Today, on my shift as a nurse, I asked a pregnant woman what she would name her child. She said she saw the name "Chlamydia" on a billboard and decided to name her daughter that, saying it was "beautiful." I informed her that it was an STD, and she replied, "Oh, well no one knows that!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 398

You deserved it 2 852

By Grrrr! - 23/04/2011 14:19 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend told me he wanted to hunt Easter eggs before we have sex. I'm glad he has his priorities straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 052

You deserved it 10 955

Our house, was a very very very nice house

By Anonymous - 06/03/2020 18:00

Today, my house caught on fire. After it was put out, I realized the damage wasn't bad, mainly smoke damage. I went to my parents' for the night because my house smelled. While there, I received a phone call from my neighbor. Apparently, my house caught fire again. It's now a pile of ashes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 319

You deserved it 263

By amythest - 13/02/2012 00:18 - United Kingdom

Today, even though she can barely deal with raising kids, my 19-year-old sister announced her fourth pregnancy, by a fourth man, of yet another race. Why? Because she wants to "be like Angelina Jolie." I fear that social services may laugh at me if I tell them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 919

You deserved it 3 156

By Anonymous - 09/01/2014 17:59 - United States - Imperial

Spicy

Today, my fiancé texted me, saying he'd been masturbating to pictures of me. I told him that I couldn't wait to get home and take care of him. He replied, "Nah, don't bother, I got this." Now I'm horny and sad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 148

You deserved it 7 783

By Drewbie - 13/01/2013 08:53 - United States - Park City

Spicy

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend on the bathroom floor, I felt something tickle my balls. I looked back to see her sister's kitten getting in on the action. I think I just had my first threesome. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 833

You deserved it 8 820

Jackson Galaxy wanabee

By oh.geez - 05/02/2012 08:00 - United States

Today, my fiancé has decided to become my cat's personal trainer. This includes talking to the cat, attempting to motivate him to run up and down the stairs and telling the cat to call him "Coach Daddy". I now have a crazy fiancé and a very angry cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 189

You deserved it 4 900

Follow the yellow brown road

By cat_lady - 05/04/2020 17:00

Today, I watched as my poor old cat dragged his ass across our living room carpet, leaving an equally long shit stain on our pristine carpet. My pleas for him to stop only made his diarrhea worse as he ran off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 539

You deserved it 337

By anonymous - 24/05/2016 03:41 - United States - Manchester

Today, I got put in a speech impediment class because apparently I have a lisp. No, my tongue is just swollen, and I can't talk very well because of it. I've talked normally for the past 17 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 236

You deserved it 765

By Mr. Sensitive Nips - 17/03/2011 22:38 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was spending Saint Patrick's Day with my girlfriend, when she started pinching me for not wearing green. To my complete shock, when she pinched my nipple, I got the biggest, most noticeable erection I've ever had in my life, and no matter what I did, it wouldn't go away. We were in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 621

You deserved it 9 414

BIKES!

By woxliuke - 05/05/2016 18:44 - Lithuania - Vilnius

Today, my boyfriend and I went for a ride on bicycles. After a while, I couldn't see him ahead of me any more. I went back and forth for half an hour but could't find him, and started to think something happened. I went home to call him but saw his bike. Turns out my boyfriend is just an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 324

You deserved it 1 591

By R2A8 - 18/07/2018 01:30 - Kenya - Nairobi

Today, I took off my fake lashes. My fake lashes took off my real lashes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 180

You deserved it 2 411

By Teddy - 26/11/2012 20:54 - United States - Gardner

Spicy

Today, I ran into my sister, who nobody in the family has seen in six years. She looked very happy working the pole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 972

You deserved it 4 051

By besviken - 18/11/2012 22:53 - Sweden - Uppsala

Spicy

Today, I had the best sex of our relationship with my boyfriend. Afterwards, he took off his condom, looked me sweetly in the eyes for a few moments, then decided to slap me in the face with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 510

You deserved it 6 340

Get over it

By DD. - 08/02/2010 14:18 - France

Today, my wife told me that she wants a divorce. Apparently, I'm taking too long to forgive her for having an affair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 121

You deserved it 4 130

Joker brain

By Anonymous - 15/10/2013 21:48 - United States - Round Lake

Today, my boyfriend dumped me for knowing more about Batman than he does. He's only seen some of the movies, and as a kid my dad owned a comic book store. He still doesn't see why I should know more, because I'm a girl, and "girls aren't supposed to know about superheroes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 730

You deserved it 4 145

Everyone's an expert

By whatever mom - 23/07/2020 14:02

Today, my mother scolded me for undressing my son and giving him Tylenol to break his fever. She insisted I wrap him in several layers to increase his body temperature in order to let him "sweat the fever out." I’m married to a pediatrician. My mom didn’t finish high school. She swears we're wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 228

You deserved it 174

By toot_toot_turtle - 17/03/2016 03:41 - United States - Monroe

Today, at my brother's baseball practice, two 6 year-old girls wanted a piggy back ride. I get this a lot due to my size, so after telling their mom how good I was with kids, I let one get on my back. I then promptly tripped over a puppy and face planted, resulting in a crying child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 903

You deserved it 2 706

toot_toot_turtle tells us more.

toot_toot_turtle 8

Monday 21 March 2016 3:47

I forgot to add that both the kid and puppy are fine. My pride? I will never be able to go to my brothers baseball games again. D:

Admission time

By peeoncarl1111 - 29/01/2011 01:06 - United States

Today, I got my wisdom teeth cut out. While my girlfriend was driving me home, I, still being high on the laughing gas, accidentally admitted to cheating on her. She was kind enough to wait until the numbness wore off before she punched me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 494

You deserved it 120 643

By sakat38 - 14/03/2016 04:39 - Japan

Today, it's White Day, a tradition in Japan where men buy gifts for women. A coworker walks in with gifts, hands them out to the local women, explains the holiday to a new guy, and walks out. I'm the only person in our office who didn't get a Valentine's Day or White Day gift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 953

You deserved it 1 451

sakat38 tells us more.

sakat38 10

Tuesday 15 March 2016 6:20

OP here. Idk how to get the op tag. I'm an American in Japan. I wasn't expecting a gift and really didn't care about today being White day until the coworker, an American who overseas everyone, came into our office and handed out gifts in front of everyone. Then because one of the Americans in our office didn't know what white day was, he explained that out of all the Americans sitting there, I would have been the only one to get a gift on White Day because I'm the only female, then walked out of the office. I think it's just the hormones that are causing this to be bigger then it should be. I've never cared about Valentine's Day before. I did buy my own chocolate when I got off work.

Permission denied

By Anonymous - 29/01/2010 01:12 - United States

Today, my mom asked me if I would be embarrassed if she got a tramp stamp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 032

You deserved it 2 670

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Relatable Fire Work Animals Dogs Kids Social Media Vacation Family Parents Ironic Miscellaneous Cute Fight Weird Toys Health Relationships Medication Gross Poopoo peepee Embarrassing Funerals My ex I need your advice Love Harassment Intimacy Sex Friends

The Top

The Top

Today, I’m in Rome for Halloween. I went out with few friends and spent the night with a man. The sex would have been really great if he hadn’t said, “God bless France!” every five seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 601

You deserved it 93

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house. I wanted to tease him, so I got his attention and made my orgasm face when I thought no one was looking. His thirteen year-old cousin saw and now bursts out laughing whenever he sees me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 304

You deserved it 19 646

Today, I accidentally downloaded a virus, which hijacked my email program. I somehow doubt the Dean at my university will thank me for my suggestion that he too could experience 100% natural male enhancement pills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 149

You deserved it 6 032

Today, I was driving up to a Four Seasons, not to stay, but to attend a work event that was already paid for. I did look a little out of place in my Toyota Corolla amongst the luxury SUVs, but was nonplussed when a man came up to me, knocked on my window, and said, "The Motel 6 is over there." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 848

You deserved it 446

Today, I have been eating more and still not gaining weight, so my dad took away my PS5 until I gain 20 pounds. According to him, “A woman should be curvy.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 615

You deserved it 84

Today, because of my wife’s inability to keep her nasty opinions to herself, the last of our children told us via text that they won’t be visiting anymore, or letting us see our grandchildren. So now it’s just me and her, financially trapped in this marriage until one of us dies of old age. FML

I agree, your life sucks 527

You deserved it 150