Today, when calling out of work, I was told by my boss that I was "full of shit" before he hung up. I actually am. I haven't pooped in almost four days. FML
Ihavelike3bucks tells us more.
Of course out of all the FMLs I've submitted through the years - this is the one that went through. Anyway, I'm better now! On top of that, I got hit with the flu like a truck. No laxatives, stool softeners, magnesium, enemas, etc helped and between that circle of hell I ended up going to the ER. Ended up literally tearing myself a new one with an anal fissure. I've never been constipated before so this was awful. Oh also my first day back, our entire building was shut down and we all were laid off. Happy Holidays everyone!
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
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Top comments
Ih8teenageangst 20
That's what Taco Bell is for.
trucker2 33
MiraLAX and then relax on the porcelain throne
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Comments (22)
RichardPencil 32
Time to go behind enema lines!
Costales_fml 7
Sounds like a rather obstructive situation
Colon_Man 17
The OP has many obstacles to... push through.
xx000o 27
Seems like both of you are.
brooklyn0118 22
I would say sounds like a shitty situation but it sounds like it might be the opposite for you.
XxfrenchyyXx 12
I think it's leading up to it.
RichardPencil 32
Oh, it's shitty alright! It's just balling up in his intestines and waiting for the most inopportune moment to make a grand entrance (or exit, as the case may be.)
Colon_Man 17
It's usually when your crush comes up to you to ask a complicated question, or to finally ask you out on a date.
nitsud82 14
well, that sounds professional, great boss you got there.
utrax 23
Damn, four days without ********? I think that's unhealthy, lmao. Whatever you do though, don't strain because that might cause hemorrhoids.
BiGTiMeNeRD 29
"Lmao"
queencabello 19
That's unhealthy
Mauskau 36
Have you ever heard of constipation? Or just not eating the right foods to require needing to go? I held it for 4 days at a music festival, I had one day to go but then my only drink option was lemonade. Within 15 minutes I had to go, but I also got a nosebleed at the same time. Maybe it is bad for you.
species4872 20
The boss has got your number.
Ihavelike3bucks 3
Of course out of all the FMLs I've submitted through the years - this is the one that went through. Anyway, I'm better now! On top of that, I got hit with the flu like a truck. No laxatives, stool softeners, magnesium, enemas, etc helped and between that circle of hell I ended up going to the ER. Ended up literally tearing myself a new one with an anal fissure. I've never been constipated before so this was awful. Oh also my first day back, our entire building was shut down and we all were laid off. Happy Holidays everyone!
texaskitty86 25
That's pretty shitty OP. Sorry thinks have been so full of crap. Just spend the holidays relaxing and everything will work it's way out to a better end.
latenerd 11
Sorry for what you went through OP but if it's any consolation, you have unbelievable comedy writing skills. Hope you are feeling better!
trucker2 33
MiraLAX and then relax on the porcelain throne