Today, my daughter told me she wants to be a stripper when she grows up, just like "Daddy's girlfriend." We're still married. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my daughter told me she wanted to divorce me. FML
Today, my daughter asked me to braid her hair. When I was done, she said Daddy's girlfriend does it better. I wasn't aware we had an open marriage. FML
Today, my five year old daughter asked me what a divorce was. When I asked why she wanted to know, she replied with "Daddy wants one. He says you can have me." FML
Today, my 4 year old daughter walked in while I was changing my shirt. She said "When I get older I am going to have big boobies just like you." I'm her dad. FML
Today, I dropped off my 19 year old daughter at her first job. It's at a strip club. FML
Today, my girlfriend hated the idea of sex so much she was willing to give me money for a stripper. FML
Today, I walked in on my dad giving my mom a striptease. FML
Today, I found out that my parents bought a stripper pole, my mom even hired a stripper to teach her some "moves." I'm scared to go in their room now. FML
Today, I walked in on my 15-year-old daughter stripping on Skype for strangers. FML
Today, I found out why my 5 year-old son's teacher acts so awkward around me. My son told everyone in his class that I work as a stripper. I'm not a stripper, I work at the strip mall. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
bobert258 0
ouch
MermaidSongXOXO 6
Take her to the local fire station and ask if she could use their pole. Practice makes perfect :)
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (316)
snickelfrits 0
oh damn!
OmgGuessWhatChic 0
Someday i wanna deal drugs like mommys baby daddy
Horney4her69 0
awww how sweet.
iAlwaysYDI 0
u answered to #1 too, u ******* retard.
TheMeanKitty 2
lol how old?
Billbo23 0
u dumb ****
isaiah614 0
time for an ass whoopen lmao
xlostwithoutu 0
Ouch sorry :(
DonkeyDelight 0
Well, is she fit?
cdogbeastman 0
jesus is da bomb
CaliGirl311 0
OMG what a husband lol
zZPedobearZz 0
pedobear is quite amused
ninja_ness 3
how about ouch
MXavierT 0
Well as long as she stays in shape and keeps those hips lose, anything's possible!
infinitii 0
what a nice life you must have working the streets
Epicfailz01 0
oh well, what are u gonna do about it
newmanlyman3 8
you're a stripper!!!??? how much? ; ) lolz
TrollGrammarNazi 0
Well I'm not a carpenter but shouldn't you say her life is ****** with the hookers and the panties and not making it in the **** buisness.
Tripout 0
ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE STILL MARRIED, AFTER THAT LITTLE INCEDENT, I WOULD ASSUME YOU CHANGED YOUR MIND ABOUT THINGS, RIGHT???
AngryNinja 1
tripout, chill on the caps. it doesn't make you cool.
MadaZer0 8
What the hot ninja just said~
clink900 0
LOL
AngryNinja 1
ahh, Mad, you made me blush. ;)
ALegitNinja 0
Ninjas always win. I think OP neglected to say she had a pole in her bedroom and the daughter found tapes while searching for episodes of Blues Clues.
AngryNinja 1
wow, Mads. i dunno if i wanna know how you make yourself blush. o.O
toni27 0
wowww15. what a way to set goalss for itself ahahhahahahah lmfao
Hunts160 5
omg is that u Macey?
tb_2010 0
agreed. ALL CAPS is lame. very.
thatonekid2010 0
I like eggs
thoughtcrimeno1 0
foolish fool! pancakes are much better than eggs.
Eddie_Paints 0
@216 Not so! Samurai always win,and with more Honor than chicken shit ninja!! That's why they hide!
Eddie_Paints 0
No offence AngryNinja!
AngryNinja 1
ninjas hide so they can slit your throat without scaring the shit out of you. we're much more humane. samurai are guys who're too big to be ninjas.
Im_Jesus_BITCH 3
Indeed....
silentfog 0
how'd I know this was a story from the south
ohmygeezz 0
yes noob I posted to #1becaise in reality who wants to go to the bottom of the list just to state their opinion...sooo get over it and OP your husband sucks
RaKum12 0
do I hear a 3 some in da near future?
vrock 0
nice ;)
BlueJeans2626 0
not anymore! :)
zinc890 0
Regular people are the ones waiting with a g36c in their hands laughing hysterically while waiting in the open. As much as I love ninjas, weebus bring them bad and dishonorable names.
blondie007 0
who cares about ninjas and it has nothing to do with this post... wow losers
BbyLenuh 0
haha
XTheDesertSongX 17
ooh but what about waffles??
princessmaxy 0
all fmls are clearly troll attempts
JohnLovesFMLs 0
Using all caps makes you sound like a douche. Don't do it.
ALegitNinja 0
@262 WTF? Ninjas always win. Why do you think Ninjas get all the cool stealth stuff and while samurais walk around trying to hit you with their swords ninjas just go and stab you from behind?
megashroom 6
Osnap! Just like barbie!
tweetbaby14 18
hey I'm a stripper according to my friends. don't be a stripper hater
Spoozie 0
HAHA!!that's so random "jeasus is da bomb" haha wow. XD hahah "all my stripper friends all my ex boyfriends we all want the sameee thinggg" haha that songs cracks me up.
XCaLX_fml 0
injas r the ****** best thing ever i am 1
bobert258 0
ouch
aardvarkish 17
I totally love those muppet commentators
zZPedobearZz 0
trudat, spez. we all wanted to be weird things when we were younger — i wanted ti be a lawyer
thatonekid2010 0
do chickens have large talons?
ringmybell_fml 0
no... your mum does though
kitty_f 3
divorce
Im_Jesus_BITCH 3
They would if they were obese. Chicken's are devil spawn. That's why I eat them...victory tastes good.
btown1616 0
good kid
WhatANoob 0
LOL NICE. Wides number?
E40_fml 0
That sucks.
fmlstatushater 0
not for long
kukitheaf 0
not anymore
Jeef27 0
awwww that sucks
garuru 4
u werent curious y she was paying rent in singles haha
fmlstatushater 0
that comment doesn't make sense.
piinkbunnii 1
#7 you're not reading correctly. Her daughter is young so how can she pay rent?
EV34 6
#7 means that his wife/girlfriend or whatever is paying rent with singles, not the little girl
fmlstatushater 0
and how would the poster know how the stripper gf was paying her rent if she found outabout the cheating husband now? Terribly un-funny attemp at a joke. huge fail.
MermaidSongXOXO 6
Take her to the local fire station and ask if she could use their pole. Practice makes perfect :)
MadaZer0 8
Wow every comment you post ends up as a joke doesn't it?
MermaidSongXOXO 6
Not necessarily. But, sometimes you have to see the humor in life. That's why I joke. What do you want me to say? "That's incredibly sad. Your husband is cheating on you and your daughter wants to end up as a person without a future. OP, I don't know how much there is you could do but get a divorce. I feel so sorry for you. FYL."
Freeze_fml 17
These are Perdix's long lost children trying to live up to his name.
heartbrokenemo 0
to tell the truth, I would like it if you made a joke on one of my fml's. They're really funny… sometimes.
Rosalie_Haostn 0
awwww hahaha
chih 0
wow. nice way to see a comment about a stripping kid...
zinc890 0
Well mermaidsong, I thought it was funneh :D also, that's suck OP :(
daniel1_1 13
win!
bluesclues72 0
mermaid, ur pro pic freaks me the hell out
MermaidSongXOXO 6
#176 You have no idea how many times I've been told that -_- But, my question is why?
AngryNinja 1
i like it tara. it's cool and very un-freaky.
MadaZer0 8
I find it very cute... I could just hug and squeeze you until you die~ Even then will I still continue to hug your motionless body WTF... I... Think I already said that D:
ravensunnyd 0
it's the face she's making
AngryNinja 1
looking up at the camera is freaky..?
MadaZer0 8
If anyones pic shoud look creepy it should be mines >.< Fear Lelouch! Fear him and his almighty Geass!!!
AngryNinja 1
mad, shh. there's enough insanity on this thread without throwing the jester in the mix. now.. where's my axe..?
CallMeHush 1
Daddy could put one in her Barbie Playhouse.
XDNurse 0
I think Mada is cool I like reading ur comments... you make my day does ur name have anything to do with Madara?
piinkbunnii 1
Wow that really sucks. I have no smart comment for this.
FernandoTorres_fml 0
As usual then? ;)
piinkbunnii 1
x_HELLo_tHERE_x 0
Aw, that's not cool.
ImRawrtastic 0
nice pic65 it's reli..unique :)
ALegitNinja 0
Don't be a hater. -ALN
BannedStory 0
lols no comment xD
zZPedobearZz 0
thats why u commented, rite ;)