Today, my boyfriend sat me down for a "confession". His confession consisted of him saying that "women are like a bag of chips," and that while you can love the smokey BBQ flavor, every once in a while you just have to go for some salt and vinegar. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't share food after I tried taking a chip from him. I made popcorn that night, and when he tried to take some, I said, "I'm sorry, I don't share food" to get him back. His response? "I can tell." FML
Today, while eating dinner with my boyfriend, I look up to see him staring at me, smiling. Hoping he wanted to say how lucky of a man he was who loved me deeply, I asked him what he was thinking. He replied, "You can't smell that yet? It was a noxious one." FML
Today, my boyfriend confessed that after every fight we have, he dips my toothbrush in the toilet. FML
Today, my boyfriend admitted to subtly encouraging me to do stupid things because he finds my "bimbo moments" hilarious. FML
Today, my boyfriend came over for a family brunch, during which he told my mother, in vivid detail, how he gets the shits whenever he eats kale chips. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me I smell like vegetables. FML
Today, I went over to my boyfriend's apartment and I smelled a delicious aroma as I walked in so I asked him what he was cooking. His response was, "I'm not cooking anything. I just farted." FML
Today, my boyfriend wouldn’t stop smacking and slurping his food. I told him to at least chew with his mouth closed. He looked me dead in the eye, with a mouth full of chewed up pizza, and said, “No.” FML
Today, I overheard my boyfriend and his friends talking in the next room. I smiled when my boyfriend called me beautiful, only to hear his friend laugh and say, "C'mon, dude. She has fat ankles and smells like deli meat." FML
Today, I found out that the reason my soda always tastes funny is because my fiancé likes to mix different flavors together to see if I'll notice. FML
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Top comments
Omg_its_Chloe 6
Why don't you rub some salt and vinegar into his eyes. Poor OP ):
kittycat1597 10
FYL, he's a douche.
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Comments (170)
kittycat1597 10
FYL, he's a douche.
lonkite101 14
Best Of two Worlds!!!!!!
PhilMcHawk 7
He just wants some sour stinking pussy haha
Ray_of_midnight 23
WORST. PUN. EVAR. (If you don't get it, think about what a common substance for douches is.)
trollfaced 2
After I read the first sentence, I thought OP was going to say when you take off the bra, it's half empty
ummmhii 0
KITTYCAT1597 OR WHATEVER IT IS. YOU LIKE ESCAPE THE FATE?! AAHH ALLOST NO ONE KNOWS THEM. I LOVE THEM. SO NOW I LOVE YOU.
ikmfp 7
Guy es numbah 1 douche bag fo sho. Needs to learn to be a man.
Drigr 9
I want to gauge how much of a douche he is though. Is OP the BBQ or Salt N Vinegar
kirrra 11
numbah 54- why do you feel replacing r with h, and I with e, makes you sound good? you sound like just as big a douche as op's hopefully ex boyfriend. and op, I feel bad for you and I really hope you can see how stupid this guy is and move on.
GaleHawthorne 0
Although he is right about the chip thing... Not the metaphor, but just changing up what chips you get.
hubla 0
Does that mean he went out and had sex with a man haha
happle 21
Women are chips? We're cheap, greasy potato flakes that crap for your health and make you sick? ******* really.
maniaccrab 0
He needs to learn to be a man? You need to learn some grammar! "fo sho."
spekledworf 18
54 I am going to slap you.
phantumgrey 6
Ok woman are monogamous, men have it in our genetic coding to spread our seed as far as possible. Don't get made at us because one woman's never enough.
UnLuck3y 5
135- Out of ALL of the stupid ass comments I've read on FML, this may be one of the stupidest. Saying they can't blame us for "spreading our seed" because it's in our genetic code is like saying we can't blame someone for murdering their ill babies, because only the strong survive. Times change and people evolve, but evidentially your reasoning.and ethics have not.
UnLuck3y 5
Correcting double post
phantumgrey 6
Yea I didnt know you were so self righteous but just because I can stay in a monogamous relationship doesn't mean I don't want to F every hot chick in sight.
midnight21 8
I'm sorry...what did you just say?
coNsperAZI 4
First!
mexicotoucher 7
Nope!
DogsPaw 16
Nope second. Hope they mod you. :)
mexicotoucher 7
That was supposed to be a reply to the guy who said First.
DogsPaw 16
Lol same. Thanks Mods for making us look like idiots. *sobbing*
CustardAndPie 13
Dump him, he's a dick.
thejewishfuhrer 17
Tell him you understand by saying men are like farm animals. There's only a few stallions, the rest are just pigs.
xoconnie 8
agree^ OP sorry but he's a jerk. at least now you can dump him and just move on
Il_Maestro 6
37 exactly. And you might had that women like pigs best when they're slaughtered and served as bacon.
kirrra 11
37- no joke, that sentence is by far the best way I have ever heard to describe a man.
downtime 13
37, That's an odd farm. Full of pigs and a few stallions. Those people really need to branch out more, our farms have greater diversity than that :P Seriously though, I realise you all believe he is cheating on her, I read it as he's confessing he isn't satisfied in the relationship and WANTS to seek out other people. Only one of those is "pig" behaviour.
Omg_its_Chloe 6
Why don't you rub some salt and vinegar into his eyes. Poor OP ):
UnknwnClassicGrl 5
^ haha I got a chuckle ;)
lebronesque73091 12
5- I was thinking the same thing :) But that's just sad that people like that exist. Sorry OP
Demonfish 14
Or replace his shower gel with the hottest chilli sauce available... What, too much? :/
Keevarou 17
Demonfish? Replace his lube for wanking with ghost pepper!
Pudagiah 12
This is probably me just being thick, but I didn't really get this post. Could someone please explain it to me?
myriane_fml 5
Put sand in the vasoline... mwahahaha
Demonfish 14
124- yes Demonfish (daemonium pisces), aquatic vertebrate of demonic origin, carnivorous diet and shy nature, especially partial to cookies :)
Brahmzy1 3
Giggle
SexyQueen0905 24
Wait, so is he breaking up with her or justifying cheating on her? Somebody help me out here please.
jtthegr8 26
Have the same question o.O
redbluegreen 41
He's cheating on his diet.
CustardAndPie 13
#6; Either way, he's obviously a bit of a nob to me. Scenario 1: He's justifying infidelity. With a food analogy. =********. Scenario 2: He's breaking up with her, and instead of just saying "I'm sorry, but I just don't feel the way I used to." he's using a food analogy. =********.
Dracoboxer357 36
6- I got the impression he confessed to cheating on Op and used this opening analogy to explain himself after the fact.
Pigeon89 34
Yeah- sounds like he's trying to justify cheating :(
ElricMustang 23
16) Exactly lol. Either way he's being an ass
Il_Maestro 6
13- if he's cheating on a diet, someone better warn OP not to run a red light
kenostic 2
I thought he was coming out...........
klovemachine 24
Lol 95. I love how other FML's are referenced during comments of current FML.
Alexweber929 14
Hey, at least he was creative
Stardew 19
"That's good to know because I need a change from your gherkin and that change feels like a whole kosher dill."
Dracoboxer357 36
Lays....betcha can't have just one. :p I'm sorry you don't have someone who wants to only be with you, Op. :( I hope you both can work it out, if you want to stay with him. Best of luck.
eastsidesoldier 7
Wow that comment was immature
Insane_Tea 15
I know this FML post is a euphemism for cheating on your significant other, but I'm still curious as to what type of women the flavor of chips pertain to.
SkoomaKi 28
Is this the guy who went with the fruit loop of a girl? And now he's using a crisp analogy. Creative guy.
IcedJesus 5
Same op er time
BeccaHugs 17
Tell him men are like hotdogs; while you love the bit-sized wieners, sometimes you have to go for the massive sausage.
betruebeyou16 1
Hilarious.
andy30ace 3
Dam that sucks