Today, I found out why my 5 year-old son's teacher acts so awkward around me. My son told everyone in his class that I work as a stripper. I'm not a stripper, I work at the strip mall. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got a note from my son's kindergarten teacher. During free time yesterday, he told her, "Mommy was stripping". I was indeed stripping. Paint that is. FML
Today, I went to my son's parent teacher conference. Imagine my shock when I found out his second grade teacher is the girl I chastised at Walmart yesterday for being covered in trashy tattoos. FML
Today, I went to my 7 year old son's school for a conference with his teacher. When I got there, the teacher said "she adored me for who and what I am". I was puzzled. Turns out my son told his class that I am a "lesbian American." Wrong. I'm Lebanese-American. FML
Today, I was listening to my son's teacher gossip about students whilst in the grocery store. I was thrilled when she described my son as "A model student". However, she then went on to say, "Which is surprising considering that his parents are trailer trash." FML
Today, I saw my former high school teacher at the mall. After a nice conversation, she mentioned that I "still dress like a slut." FML
Today, I got to take my 10-year-old son to the junior high school at which I teach. When my students questioned him about what I was like at home, he told the entire class: "Well, she farts all the time." FML
Today, I found out the man I have been dating is my son’s principal. I found out by having to pick my suspended son up from school. FML
Today, I had to profusely apologize to a woman after my six year old son decided to crawl between her legs at the supermarket, then look up her skirt and loudly ask why she didn't have any panties on. FML
Today, my 5 year old son asked me to explain how he was born. After I told him I had a C-Section, he went to school and told everyone he was born at sea. I found out when the teacher called me. FML
Today, I got called into the principal's office of my son's school. Why? He'd called his teacher a "fudge packer". No more weekends with his uncle. FML
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Top comments
MaddogTotten 0
Wow, sure they weren't just disappointed with your boring career and said you were a stripper to liven it up? It was my privilege to be first on your FML.
tenkenshi 2
I don't see a gender listed. This FML would be a bit funnier if OP was a man.
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Comments (80)
MaddogTotten 0
Wow, sure they weren't just disappointed with your boring career and said you were a stripper to liven it up? It was my privilege to be first on your FML.
nam3 0
i've seen this one already come up with your own story lady
ReasonsToFly 0
I think the other one that was similar to this had a different job. But besides the job everything else is almost exactly the same.
LOLOLOLOLOLOL123 2
YDI for working at a strip mall
ButlerOfChaos 7
So only one 5 year old can misinterpret what their parents say? Also adult movies:)
baller789 0
FIRST!!!:$/$:!:!;!/&:&:
MaddogTotten 0
Gotcha bitch!!!
pingpongpickle 8
wtf is a strip mall
kerrygirl 13
i'm so sick of these kind of fml's......everyones son/daughter is an idiot by the sounds of things......
Emma_91 0
nah. Kids just say funny things.
chippa 24
Kids have a whole section for a reason! Kid related FMLs happen a whole lot. And they're my favourites. :) Just don't read those ones then, I guess. :
Shadow_Phantom 26
Ironically they didn't put it in Kids though.
chippa 24
Oh, I didn't even look, I just assumed. XD Woops.
ediciusNJ 0
I'll concur. Kids truly are morons today.
waterynuggets 0
Oh LoL this sounds kind of familiar http://www.fmylife.com/kids/3364803
baller789 0
Most men can kill any woman with his own 2 hands. That's why were the only gender that matters now make me a sndwich goes
pyros09 0
No, most men CANNOT kill any woman with two hands because that is a false stereotype, so stop being an arrogant idiot who can't even spell or put together a sentance. Clearly, if anything men like you are the only type of people who DON'T MATTER.
Eltsc 0
Well, at least most women don't have to resort to death threats to get a sandwich.
alex_vik 1
#12 - Ever hear of the phrase "Choke a bitch"?
letitbe56 0
Don't feed the trolls.
lizardlips 1
why do people think that every thought needs to be "out there"? Someone needs to dig around this guy's back yard a bit so that the Grand Jury can properly indict his ass!
Emma_91 0
Don't worry everyone, #10 is only upset because he can't get any girls. ^_^ And he's probably making up for his tiny dick. By the way, #10, actually in an evolutionary sense, men are more disposable. Not that I'm saying men don't matter lol.
killdozer1 2
It makes sense that in larger communities, the larger, stronger, and more violent breed who do not carry children for nine months would be "disposable". It's totally worth it!
pk705 0
Well, on the up side, you're hot enough to be considered a stripper after you've had a child, that is a good thing, no?
stizzuh 0
wrong, not all strippers are hot, theres even weird clubs with fat girls. If a little kid told me that their mom was a stripper nice and clear, when I saw them thats what I would think, unless she was like morbidly obese or some shit
plexico 4
WTF is wrong with the teacher? Being a stripper is a job. Maybe not a job that everyone is comfortable with, but that just makes the teacher a prude and a snob. Now, I can see the teacher looking askance at you if you were something disgusting, like a *****. Or even worse, a lawyer!
paperfox_fml 0
Why is being a sex worker disgusting?
plexico 4
Because it is illegal and unregulated, the women are treated miserably. I really used that word to set up the punch line about the lawyers.
Intoxicunt 6
Well then, I think I've decided on a profession. I always was told I would make a hell of a lawyer.... :)
kukopia 0
Some people don't know the difference between a stripper and a hooker... ignorant douches!
Paige_Nicole10 0
FAKEEEEE
tenkenshi 2
I don't see a gender listed. This FML would be a bit funnier if OP was a man.
Vicklovespuppies 0
Well it's not like she still thinks your a stripper, shut the hell up and quit bitching. People have real problems
justanotheruser 0
like you?
smartalek 2
blah blah blah. you're missing the point of this web site.
dreamful_artist 14
Well you're rude