Today, my daughter told me she wants to be a stripper when she grows up, just like "Daddy's girlfriend." We're still married. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my daughter told me she wanted to divorce me. FML
Today, my daughter asked me to braid her hair. When I was done, she said Daddy's girlfriend does it better. I wasn't aware we had an open marriage. FML
Today, my five year old daughter asked me what a divorce was. When I asked why she wanted to know, she replied with "Daddy wants one. He says you can have me." FML
Today, my 4 year old daughter walked in while I was changing my shirt. She said "When I get older I am going to have big boobies just like you." I'm her dad. FML
Today, I dropped off my 19 year old daughter at her first job. It's at a strip club. FML
Today, my girlfriend hated the idea of sex so much she was willing to give me money for a stripper. FML
Today, I walked in on my dad giving my mom a striptease. FML
Today, I found out that my parents bought a stripper pole, my mom even hired a stripper to teach her some "moves." I'm scared to go in their room now. FML
Today, I walked in on my 15-year-old daughter stripping on Skype for strangers. FML
Today, I found out why my 5 year-old son's teacher acts so awkward around me. My son told everyone in his class that I work as a stripper. I'm not a stripper, I work at the strip mall. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
bobert258 0
ouch
MermaidSongXOXO 6
Take her to the local fire station and ask if she could use their pole. Practice makes perfect :)
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (316)
perdix 31
Here's what you do. The first reaction would be to leave your husband, but that would be a missed opportunity. First, go for the threesome. You will be able to learn the stripper's tricks for fully pleasing a man, skills which you obviously lack. (There's a bonus scenario where you and the stripper go full-on lesbian and leave the scumbag husband choking the chicken out in the cold.) After you have learned all that the stripper has to teach, dump that loser's ass and find a much better guy. This time, you'll blow his mind (among other things) and he will adore you and give you all you want. Trust me on this one.
deadsrs 0
seconded
epoh_fml 0
I like this solution :-)
demoon_fml 7
best solution
perdix 31
One more vote and then we'll have a quorum and this could become a law! I move for pics and video. Can I get a second?
sleephunters 8
I guess I'll be the vote!
deadsrs 0
second on pics and vid. I motion for high res and comentary
bri1215 7
thats a great idea perdix (:
Freeze_fml 17
I see we're getting technical about this. Here's a scenario.. The OP doesn't claim to be living with her husband, and by saying that the two are "still" married she is implying that they may get a divorce. Albeit unlikely, the husband could be living in a trailer while the OP is not. :trollface:
jessemejia19 0
i feel bad dor u men!!
laxkid19 0
bum
orangesodaftw 0
That's pretty messed up, OP, FYL, indeed.
deadsrs 0
I still say it's a generalizing term of manurism like saying... that gutterwhore. The person being talked about may not in fact BE a gutterwhore but has certain attributes a gutterwhore would. Such is calling the man trailertrash most likely meaning he is NOT trailer trash but holds some of the same characteristics of someone you would imagine when using that phrase derogatoraly.
MRSmiley_fml 0
save the planet. kill yourself.
wearworkboots61 0
Uhhh that sucks really bad. If it's true kick em to the Kirby.
quikwit1212 0
Kick em to the Kirby? You, sir, just made my day by putting a picture of a **** and a cheater being eaten by a pink blob.
piinkbunnii 1
I know that comment isn't serious!!!
demoon_fml 7
I agree with perdix, you need to get some sleep snickerdoodles.