Today, my boyfriend told me he wouldn't have sex with me because yesterday I ate a sandwich in his bed and got crumbs in it. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, me and my boyfriend were fooling around on my bed when things started to get heated. I said to him, "Do what ever you want". He got up and said he'd be right back. I thought he went to get a condom. He came back with a sandwich. FML
Today, during sex, my boyfriend stopped and asked if he could eat a sandwich while we do it. FML
Today, my boyfriend was disgusted because I dropped a Skittle on the floor and ate it. He thought peeing on me in the shower was just fine. FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend pulling off scabs and eating them. My scabs. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't share food after I tried taking a chip from him. I made popcorn that night, and when he tried to take some, I said, "I'm sorry, I don't share food" to get him back. His response? "I can tell." FML
Today, as my boyfriend was climbing into bed, I asked him for a sandwich. He sighed irritably, so I reminded him that I'm a princess. He said, "I don't like monarchists" and went to sleep on the sofa. WTF? FML
Today, my boyfriend's idea of foreplay was to offer to make lunch, leave the room for a few minutes, then come back with no clothes on and offer me a "cockmeat sandwich". FML
Today, I got into an argument, followed by the silent treatment from my boyfriend, because I told him that he should change his underwear daily. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having dinner with my family. He killed a bug and ate it. FML
Today, as I was in the middle of giving my boyfriend head, he looked at me and said "Eat that cockmeat sandwich." He seriously thought it was a turn on. FML
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Top comments
slantyshanty 7
Don't eat stuff in other peoples beds then.
ariannaimelda 7
He could just wipe them off?
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Comments (150)
SlickWillyTFCF 5
Shoulda cleaned up after yourself.
Munchkin13 6
Get him back by not having sex with him whenever he tries to have sex with you.
Melissa92_fml 13
That's the whole 'cutting off your nose to spite your face,' thing. Where's the logic there?
oops_im_fucked 8
Don't you even...
ballroomg 0
have sex with some one else :)
Neshalicious84 0
Either ur bad in bed and thats his excuse for not.dealin with complete torture or.hes gay
Mythekos 0
Too bad.
TheComputerGuy96 16
Yes, women make sandwiches, but for themselves too. AND JUST WIPE THE CRUMBS OFF!
bro1oke 0
YDI, shouldn't have been eating in the god damn bed!
cBlackout 13
Find somethin sexy to do with those crumbs ;)
simplylost643 0
45, What in the hell are you going to do that equates to sexy with some bread crumbs? I've been around the block many a time, and can't think of a single damn thing. If your thinking sprinkleing bread crumbs on either a penis or ******, for instance, not only is that not sexy, but it's a recipe for disaster.
cBlackout 13
Hahahahahha forest of fuckery. I could think of somethin tho
IWATCHYOUSLEEP 7
tell him you also got mayo in it :)
omfgTACOsYeSs 0
If they had sex I don't think the only white stuff would be Mayo O.o. Lolcatsunicornturtles
cBlackout 13
Have sex somewhere else?
OHnathanIO 4
How dare you!