Today, my boyfriend told me he wouldn't have sex with me because yesterday I ate a sandwich in his bed and got crumbs in it. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, me and my boyfriend were fooling around on my bed when things started to get heated. I said to him, "Do what ever you want". He got up and said he'd be right back. I thought he went to get a condom. He came back with a sandwich. FML
Today, during sex, my boyfriend stopped and asked if he could eat a sandwich while we do it. FML
Today, my boyfriend was disgusted because I dropped a Skittle on the floor and ate it. He thought peeing on me in the shower was just fine. FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend pulling off scabs and eating them. My scabs. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't share food after I tried taking a chip from him. I made popcorn that night, and when he tried to take some, I said, "I'm sorry, I don't share food" to get him back. His response? "I can tell." FML
Today, as my boyfriend was climbing into bed, I asked him for a sandwich. He sighed irritably, so I reminded him that I'm a princess. He said, "I don't like monarchists" and went to sleep on the sofa. WTF? FML
Today, my boyfriend's idea of foreplay was to offer to make lunch, leave the room for a few minutes, then come back with no clothes on and offer me a "cockmeat sandwich". FML
Today, I got into an argument, followed by the silent treatment from my boyfriend, because I told him that he should change his underwear daily. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having dinner with my family. He killed a bug and ate it. FML
Today, as I was in the middle of giving my boyfriend head, he looked at me and said "Eat that cockmeat sandwich." He seriously thought it was a turn on. FML
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Top comments
slantyshanty 7
Don't eat stuff in other peoples beds then.
ariannaimelda 7
He could just wipe them off?
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Comments (150)
MagmaMan 0
wow
robbilee 14
Next time don't eat in bed. Or atleast eat over a plate u pig
ImCool7 0
lol idiot
ariannaimelda 7
He could just wipe them off?
faithxoxox 1
That's what she said last night...turns out it smudges.
iEthan 5
He was to in shock over the crumby situation.
StoryOfTheYear 15
My origina-dar just went haywire
DrIDGAF 7
Make him a sandwich?
IceeCreamm 7
wow.. you made a sammich, not for him?
linstar 13
That's a piss poor excuse to deny sex. He's either getting it somewhere else or he's batting for the other team.
Marktheshark 0
22 that's a horrible pun....you fail
stephan18 23
That's a dumb excuse, there must be another reason oO
enonymous 9
Whoa this is major... First what kind of sandwich... Pb&j won't cost you this but pastrami on rye with a little Dijon and a pickle on the side... Oh **** no! And you didn't make him one too? You're lucky he didn't remove you off Facebook. Second the bed He sleeps there he doesn't want to roll around in the perfect sandwich of which you didn't make him one that is literally rubbing salt pepper rye and Dijon on the wound.
BagleHead 6
You two have separate beds? And secondly, don't eat in bed, you don't want the soft tickle of roach legs scurrying across your body looking for food to be your new alarm clock in the morning...
CRaynee 10
She was most likely as his house, the reason for two seperate beds.
flossybaben 0
There is nothing that I hate more than crumbs in my bed! Why were you eating in his bed, it's called a table!
whatfml 0
she said she ate the sandwich in the bed, she never said that's where the crumbs fell. maybe she meant in her bag and Rhys the reason he doesn't want sex?
schaflava 0
Or let her sweaty ass pick them up after some hardcore good 'hole'some fun.
Yngve_fml 9
I'm guessing he's upset because you didn't make him one. I sure as hell would!
eminemchick 19
119 i love how your pic usually goes perfect with what you say XD
ThanksKarma 0
Easily could have ripped off all the sheets, shook em out or put new ones on. Then jumped in the shower and bust a spread eagle on the non crumby bed.
Kn0wledge123 21
Crumbs cause ants and roaches to invade the room. That shit is serious. He probably got bit on his lower parts...
Iheartfunny 1
Ha ha I bet if you shared with him you two could have had all the sex you want.
TW15 5
Haha oh my!! Do it on the couch then ;)
KaintukeeBob 13
You should dump him, and if he asks why, say, "I'm not into anal." Seriously, sheets can be washed.
n_epic_fail 14
next time eat the sandwich in bed completely naked, he shouldn't mind then :)
SpruceDread4578 13
I HATE crumbs in my bed as well. it becomes very irritating to sleep with, and even if you wipe the bed down..there's still more pieces!!!
xoconnie 8
u must be ugly
oops_im_fucked 8
Or he has OCD... Responding to the comment above me.
YDI__Bitch 0
Or because you didn't make him one.
canadianbro 1
What's your username on youtube?
krystal753 0
haha the " you deserve it" # is at "69"00
Kain713 14
Eat on the couch or have sex in the couch? I guess either would work.
slantyshanty 7
Don't eat stuff in other peoples beds then.
LaughterofCorn 4
That's an interesting boyfriend you have there. Crumbs > Sex.
StoryOfTheYear 15
30- Rule #1 of threadjacking: Don't threadjack until a comment relevant to the original comment has been posted, or you look like you are talking to the original commenter
mandel2000 0
crumbs is not okey.
hemz_fml 13
Oh come on he just doesn't want to have sex with you and that was the excuse he thought of because it was the most recent thing that you did to upset him, it's not drastic but he's pretending it is to avoid sex, maybe he doesn't want to with you
greg84_fml 21
Agree, eating food in someone else's bed and making a mess is fairly disrespectful. I won't want someone I was sleeping making a mess in my bed. IRS his bed and he has to sleep in it, so stop fouling it up.
Cjob 3
"sounds like it was....*takes glasses off*... A crummy situation..." YEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
njgohard 16
Nice double entendre.
JamesDeanSC 0
Maybe he's mad you didn't offer him a piece
Macromartyr 3
Roflcopter launch in tee minus 3, 2, 1, Thup thup thup thup thup thup thup thup....
iAmScrubs 19
Houston, we have a problem. The propellor on the roflcopter isn't spinning smoothly. We may have a code red. I repeat, code red!
omfgTACOsYeSs 0
21- definitely just killed the Roflcopter joke -.- Shhhuuunnn.
BelleBelle_fml 11
Shun the non-believer! Shuuuuuunah!
sheethapins 13
Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhuuuuunnnnnnnnn-nah
kosherkraut 5
lol datz my txt ringer haha!
BelleBelle_fml 11
Charlie, Charlie, Chaaarrrlieeee! I'm right here! We're on a bridge, Charlie! Ugh I can't believe I know this...I am ashamed.
StoryOfTheYear 15
But I am the banana king?!
DoubleEdgedBlade 4
OH MY GOD IT'S A NARWHAL! NAAARRRRWWHHHAAALLL!!!
ken8lk 3
Mai roflcopter go soisoisoisoisoisoisoisoisoisoisoi
Ghostkiller12345 9
........
Bowser6622 5
Does these comments even relate to the FML!!!???
flipfloperson 5
Yes...yes they do.
woodrow68oo 2
Everybody's Russian!!!
Macromartyr 3
HAHA GET THE **** OVER HERE
Squrril 0
No but it doesn't matter doushbag
phuketboy 19
Really?? Sacrificing sex over bread crumbs???
kings1fan 6
Bet you he doesn't care when his boyfriend drop crumbs in his bed!
Garyy_fml 11
I'm sorry but, what the hell?
Marktheshark 0
Her bf isn't bi bro......
xItsJacobbb 0
What kind of person sacrifices sex over some bread crumbs? A simple sweep of your hand and poof, crumbs b' gone.
StopDropNRoll 11
He gots to keep a strong pimp hand.
No_habla_espanol 11
I think 53 was trying to imply that because he sacrificed sex for crumbs, that he must be gay.
superangryandy 2
It is uncomfortable to have sex on breadcrumbs.
M0rt 0
I would. I don't want some fat bitches crumbs in my bed
ericwashere 0
Thats what you get for leaving the kitchen!
SunSHINEdasies 3
haha just tell him youll clean the crumbs up with your mouth and then show him what else ypu can do with your mouth.
foxman47 3
Can I get yo' number?
Marktheshark 0
Trying to get your dick wet on fml? Haha forever alone -_- ^^^
mcerin 10
Who brought the hoe in here ?
MrBoredGuy 1
And I bet you didn't even make him one...
WIZchild 0
Wow he must really not wanna have sex
xleanne_aLly 23
My boy makes me sandwiches.
alone_unafraid 0
I agree. Moreover, wtf were you doing out of the kitchen?
kimberlysoileau 6
9- lmao....nice...ur life is bro?
rogerover 19
He's a douchebag
Nbrandwine 7
Agreed @179 He's not a douche. Ugh. Cleaning crumbs, the more you try, the more there are! It's annoying to roll over them in the night.
MrPortalFan 21
Would YOU want to sleep in a freshly covered in crumbs bed? I don't think so.