Today, my boyfriend's idea of foreplay was to offer to make lunch, leave the room for a few minutes, then come back with no clothes on and offer me a "cockmeat sandwich". FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, me and my boyfriend were fooling around on my bed when things started to get heated. I said to him, "Do what ever you want". He got up and said he'd be right back. I thought he went to get a condom. He came back with a sandwich. FML
Today, as I was in the middle of giving my boyfriend head, he looked at me and said "Eat that cockmeat sandwich." He seriously thought it was a turn on. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I was really horny. He then gave me the link to his favorite "porn". He said I should do it for him. It was a youtube video of some girl making a sandwich. FML
Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend about the importance of foreplay, and that attempting to get me "in the mood" by whipping his cock out and air humping was roughly equivalent to throwing a dry teabag at me and claiming he made a cup of tea. FML
Today, during sex, my boyfriend stopped and asked if he could eat a sandwich while we do it. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when he stopped and got dressed. Naked and confused, I figured he’d be right back. Yeah, 20 minutes later with a plate of food for himself. So much for sex. It would've been nice if he told me though. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he wouldn't have sex with me because yesterday I ate a sandwich in his bed and got crumbs in it. FML
Today, my wonderful boyfriend asked me if I wanted him to cook me scrambled eggs with sausage for breakfast. When I said yes, he pulled out his junk, and started shaking it violently in my face. FML
Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't in the mood. I left to get food and when I came home, he was masturbating. FML
Today, I showed up at my boyfriend's house with nothing under my coat but some sexy lingerie. He told me he was working on an assignment, and made me wait three hours before he'd have sex with me. FML
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Top comments
niatross 16
Well did you like it
Nyx_fml 23
It's sweet that he cares about keeping you well-fed.
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Comments (152)
niatross 16
Well did you like it
HKCgrimmjow 15
Shoulda asked for some hot sauce on that sandwich
extrasnipes 22
He will feeling the burn
extrasnipes 22
Feel*
fuckyourlifeOP 25
I'm sure she did, but I would much rather have a "pussymeat sandwhich."
tailyerd 17
You mean 'pussymunchwhich'
naarz 9
With some CONDOM-mental with that sand which loll
naarz 9
Ments*
Codezlol 21
Extra mayo!!
ptoka 20
I love how all the supposedly witty comments above with the typos are getting rejected. Next time add for a real beef sandwich and not a chicken sandwich.
ptoka 20
Whatever, I see people don't like my obvious typo of "add" instead of "try". Oh well...
jazzy_123 20
i love how 47 dissed everyone before him on their puns and yet when he gave it a try became a part of the group. Haha.
iknowiwantyou 13
naarz you really shouldn't comment while intoxicated.
jay05_fml 4
Oh the irony...
naarz 9
Wtf I don't even drink you idiot maybe you should check ur damn facts before implying something.
iknowiwantyou 13
97 thank you for humouring me with your guerrilla anger. LOL.
naarz 9
That's funny you say that, because that's what I think of you. By the way the next time you TRY to make an insult make sure you know how to spell, otherwise YOU kind of end up looking like the idiot
iknowiwantyou 13
99 I didn't spell anything wrong. Please stop, you're making yourself appear much more idiotic now.
buckeye_state 11
somebody is feeling a ~little~ insecure 0.o
blackman100 20
At least he's the one making the sandwiches in this relationship.
Huehuehuehuehue 0
Oh, the derail is strong in this one.
Since1998 20
97, he wasnt implying that you drink... but I am implying that you have a mental disorder...
Palirose 22
You should try showing him what you like? Ask him to go along with the kind of foreplay you try? Experiment what you both like and try new things, OP. This isn't much of an FML
Nyx_fml 23
It's sweet that he cares about keeping you well-fed.
golden_warrior 23
The well-fed part depends on the size of the sandwich, lol.
Weird_situations 13
He sounds wonderful
niallo 23
But did she bite.
JesterJosh 5
Sounds to me like he's doing it right.
Caitie_kid 8
Op could always give him a whack in the nads and say that she prefers cracked walnuts. Lol
Karcasm 7
I'm sure it was a... mouthful.
ashalayx 13
i wouldnt say this is an FML. id just say thats embarrassing. just my opinion
Welshite 40
It's only a sandwich if there's bread!
theawkwardlife 21
Mhm, did ya put it between some buns?
tailyerd 17
Yeah her buns
CamdenMarie 6
Someone's been watching Harold and Kumar...
Zelphoric 25
I was thinking of amir from Jake and amir on collegehumor lol.
mattyiscool123 26
That's clever
ninjuh_wingman 29
No it really isn't.
speakersboom 19
Guessed he skipped the box idea. Personally, I think Justin Timberlake took the better route.
Ambient25 25
I dunno, I hear Justin Bieber is a fan of the cockmeat.
parism143 28
#52; 2009 called, they want their joke back.
cryssycakesx3 23
Ah 52, wrong Justin. as stated above, old gay bieber jokes are old. if you're 17+ There's only one Justin and that's the original Justin.
Nunaetsuko 13
What a sweet romantic boyfriend
TheOneTC 8
Should have then asked him for a larger size
Kuro_Kamen 12
burn
NandaPanda 22
"Sure that sounds great! But I'd prefer the foot-long!"
naarz 9
Subway combo number 3 for Daily deals Wednesdays...
pinkchocoa 15
Maybe some sauce too
cryssycakesx3 23
king size!
mallu86 9
# 93 it's a sandwich not a bed.
martin8337 36
Or a little smokey.
Katiakatxx 13
Haha, that's terrible but still kind of romantic.
iAlissa 34
No, it's really not at all romantic.
Grayness_ 26
What's not romantic to you, is romantic to others.
iAlissa 34
I guess it's just me that doesn't find it romantic when a guy asks me to eat his cockmeat sandwich.
cryssycakesx3 23
it's not romantic but it's cute.
mallu86 9
#13 and #59 you two are made for each other.
Caitie_kid 8
I would laugh, but he certainly wouldn't be getting any action after that.