Today, my boyfriend told me he wouldn't have sex with me because yesterday I ate a sandwich in his bed and got crumbs in it. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, me and my boyfriend were fooling around on my bed when things started to get heated. I said to him, "Do what ever you want". He got up and said he'd be right back. I thought he went to get a condom. He came back with a sandwich. FML
Today, during sex, my boyfriend stopped and asked if he could eat a sandwich while we do it. FML
Today, my boyfriend was disgusted because I dropped a Skittle on the floor and ate it. He thought peeing on me in the shower was just fine. FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend pulling off scabs and eating them. My scabs. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't share food after I tried taking a chip from him. I made popcorn that night, and when he tried to take some, I said, "I'm sorry, I don't share food" to get him back. His response? "I can tell." FML
Today, as my boyfriend was climbing into bed, I asked him for a sandwich. He sighed irritably, so I reminded him that I'm a princess. He said, "I don't like monarchists" and went to sleep on the sofa. WTF? FML
Today, my boyfriend's idea of foreplay was to offer to make lunch, leave the room for a few minutes, then come back with no clothes on and offer me a "cockmeat sandwich". FML
Today, I got into an argument, followed by the silent treatment from my boyfriend, because I told him that he should change his underwear daily. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having dinner with my family. He killed a bug and ate it. FML
Today, as I was in the middle of giving my boyfriend head, he looked at me and said "Eat that cockmeat sandwich." He seriously thought it was a turn on. FML
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Top comments
slantyshanty 7
Don't eat stuff in other peoples beds then.
ariannaimelda 7
He could just wipe them off?
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Comments (150)
kaykay20 0
Seems fair for making a mess on his bed next time eat at the table so crumbs won't be such a issue. If you are really messy maybe clean up after too.
kewpiesuicide 29
Sounds like my girlfriend lol but at least she still has sex with me
lebronsucks 3
At least he is not with you for the sex.
Masii 3
Whaa? Haha aww mayne to funny.
bullrider92 19
Wow,he must be an idiot if he is going to turn down pussy over a few crumbs.Next time he is in the mood just say no.No reason,just no.
TobyFunke 3
I get annoyed at my girlfriend for this too. It wouldn't be a big deal but she tries to eat the most messy shit in bed, oh lets get a nice bowl of fried rice and then some french bread after you just washed your sheets and comforter, thats cool
theMangoW 6
It seems like time for...the trifecta!
bubo_fml 11
Was that you in the outake credits of "Bridesmaids?" I'm also reminded of Sesame Street, when Bert would warn Ernie not to eat cookies in bed for fear of getting crumbs in the sheets...I guess Bert was planning on some serious **** bonking! Sick world I tell ya!!
johnson8861 0
Never eat in bed eleventh commandment.
davek 36
Too right! You should be in the kitchen making HIM a goddamn sammich.