Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't share food after I tried taking a chip from him. I made popcorn that night, and when he tried to take some, I said, "I'm sorry, I don't share food" to get him back. His response? "I can tell." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend wouldn’t stop smacking and slurping his food. I told him to at least chew with his mouth closed. He looked me dead in the eye, with a mouth full of chewed up pizza, and said, “No.” FML
Today, I stole a bite of my boyfriend's hamburger. He threw a fit, saying I took too big a bite and I had to replace it with a new, more expensive one. Afterwards, he said how lucky I was he didn't break up with me then and there. FML
Today, I went to see a movie with three of my friends, and I was sharing popcorn with one of them. Halfway through the movie, my friend asked me why I wasn't eating our popcorn. I then realised I'd been taking popcorn from the man sitting next to me. FML
Today, I was eating lunch with my boyfriend when I started choking. My boyfriend took it as an opportunity to sneak food off my plate. FML
Today, my idiot boyfriend, who thinks he's an outdoorsman, made sauce from mushrooms he'd foraged. I refused to eat it. He got upset and had two helpings. He's now in bed, whining about how bad he feels. Stupid dumbass. FML
Today, while at a party, my boyfriend threw a temper tantrum. He screamed at me and then gave me the silent treatment. All because I said, "No thank you" to the crab dip he got for me. I'm allergic to shellfish, we've been dating for two years and it's come up before. FML
Today, my fiancé and I had a fight because he wouldn't let me get what I wanted to eat, even though it was my money. He said, "It's way too many calories. I'm supposed to help you lose weight." When I pointed out that I had given up a month ago, he looked at me and said, "Yeah, I can tell." FML
Today, I treated my boyfriend to an expensive dinner using the last of my paycheck. I had to excuse myself to the bathroom a few minutes in. I came back to find my plate empty. His excuse was, "I didn't want the food to get cold." FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend if he wanted me to get him some take out. He responded with, "I think we should see other people. Uh, chicken please." FML
Today, my boyfriend sat me down for a "confession". His confession consisted of him saying that "women are like a bag of chips," and that while you can love the smokey BBQ flavor, every once in a while you just have to go for some salt and vinegar. FML
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Top comments
curtyman11 9
Joey doesn't share food!
Dracoboxer357 36
Aaaaaand then I reread this fml, and realized I'm an idiot, as he started it, she retorted and he took it up a notch into ******** mode. :p Commence the thumb burial, please.
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Comments (84)
Dracoboxer357 36
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
That was unbelievably rude...., but still, you did kinda start that one Op. Sorry. :p
Dracoboxer357 36
Aaaaaand then I reread this fml, and realized I'm an idiot, as he started it, she retorted and he took it up a notch into ******** mode. :p Commence the thumb burial, please.
OscarDV 8
Lol, having to re-read the FML is usually the excuse for this
AKGirlinSD 20
It isn't an excuse; it is usually how it happens. Most of us have done it. It's rare someone catches themselves before they are buried under 10 comments, where nearly all state the same thing, "Reread the post!"
PrincessesCrown 17
You DON'T eat Joey's food.
curtyman11 9
Joey doesn't share food!
heartemopants 18
Haha!!! I was just thinking that! Too funny.
OlgaCornmuffin 7
I'd tell him...."No...That's just because I don't share sex. Enjoy going solo tonight!" then commence to eat your popcorn! lol
HeyHeyFishFillet 34
Yes, because men are the only ones who enjoy sex.
SweetasCandy0609 28
no men aren't the only one's that enjoy sex but it normally bothers them more than us and he deserves it he did make a rude joke about her weight.
HeyHeyFishFillet 34
What? No way! Women enjoy sex as well!? Please excuse me, I must report this to the men of this world.
DURPINATOR3000 6
Coming from a women
OlgaCornmuffin 7
Lol. someone seems a little bitter about women & sex! Is it "not being shared" with you? :p
ladyLALAA 29
I love food and sex equally.
otecasacid 22
sounds like a singles comment, or one from someone outside of a serious relationship.
MoeT8979 8
I don't think it bothers any1 not to sleep with you
wlddog 14
I feel just fine not sleeping with them. Shoot. I don't sleep with a LOT of people. Whats the opposite of a ****?
OlgaCornmuffin 7
just because someone mentions sex, does not in any way make them a ****, fyi.
RpiesSPIES 27
I don't share food/drinks either... But it's honestly fine with food not connected to each other... Or maybe you're one of those that sticks your entire hand in, dirtying everything. Ah well, he could still hand you some.
natsaysheyyy 16
I'm pretty sure that whole thing was about her being fat. He didn't want to share with her to help her lose weight, and he told her he "can tell" that she doesn't share, meaning she eats too much.
RpiesSPIES 27
Honestly, that isn't the only possibility, though. 'I can tell' could just mean he acknowledged her right then and there without implying she was fat. Jumping to the worst possible conclusions, at minor moments like this, isn't good for one's mind. You must still consider all the other reasons.
RpiesSPIES 27
What I mean is that you could just look at a reply as something that DOESN'T hold an obscure insult within it. It could be possible he meant it, and that he could have not. It's all based on the tone of his voice when he said it. Also, no, I would not share food if it's something along the lines of ice cream, but I would gladly kiss her :)
Dracoboxer357 36
70- Considering the bodily fluids my wife and I swap regularly, sharing my ice cream with her isn't something I even think twice about, it's just "par for the course." ;)
karlcolt45 19
Jackie, that's exactly what a fat girl would say
HeyHeyFishFillet 34
Shut up Donna!
Liamj774 36
Dafuq is going on here?
pickles1994 18
70s show I believe.
Mizzesbestie 13
Ahhhh I just watched that episode again lmao
HeyHeyFishFillet 34
Well you had the choice of either forgive and forget or retaliation and well...it seems your self-esteem paid the price.
fanaticdragon 10
How YOU doin', OP?
jellycorn 13
Basically, he implied you look like Dudley Dursley.
SomeRandomGuy15 18
I wonder then if this OP ran into the OP who was mistaken for a Dementor...
dddtom 8
I only have one thing to say here "JOEY DOESN'T SHARE FOOD"
Mister_Triangle 21
Or Oprah...or Rosie O'Donnel...or Santa Clause...or literally any other overweight person. Edit: ignore this, was meant for 17
RoboCunnilingus 23
21, Wow, I thought that was just a weak copout judging by how applicable your reply is to both comments.
happyname 2
what a prick.