Today, I received a text message from my wife, who had gone out for the evening with some girlfriends, saying, "I have to take a friend home, she's drunk! I'll be staying at his place. Call you in the morning." Umm… His? FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, it’s almost half past midnight. I received a drunken voicemail from my husband saying that he won’t be coming home tonight because he’s too drunk to drive, but don’t worry, he’s staying at "Cindy’s house", safe and sound. Who's Cindy? FML
Today, my husband came home drunk off his ass at 2am. He started crying on my shoulder because he couldn't go home with some beautiful woman who hit on him, because sadly for him, he's married to me. FML
Today, I met a girl at the bar. Things were going really well and we ended up going back to her place. Problem? Her husband who normally works the graveyard shift was home sick. FML
Today, my friend got a text showing his girlfriend cheating on him. Sounds like his FML, but he was at my house. He then worked his way through a bottle of my whisky and went into a drunken rage. He threw my furniture through windows, punched holes in the wall, and smashed stuff until I had to call the cops. FML
Today, the guy I've been sleeping with for the last three weeks got really drunk. I drove him home from the party and took care of him. At 2am he asked for the phone. When I asked what for, he said he wanted to drunk dial his girlfriend. FML
Today, while trying to have a serious conversation with my husband about his drug use over text, he came home. Drunk. FML
Today, I went to a bar with some friends when my wife texted me asking where I was. Not wanting her to know I was at a bar, I told her I was still at work. She was sitting in the booth behind me. FML
Today, I woke up from a drunken daze and texted my best friend to take me back to my car. I got confused as to why our messages were green since it was iMessage. Well, come to find out I hooked up with her boyfriend in the bathroom the night before. I should mention I'm a dude, and so is he. FML
Today, I found out that my husband lied a few nights ago and was actually drinking with another woman at her house until after midnight. This woman is his best friend’s ex-fiancée, and she's been hitting on my husband for as long as I can remember. FML
Today, I woke up at 5 am to the voices of my husband, who I gave my blessing to go out last night, and his buddies entering our apartment. They came here because the buddy who had planned to house them had no beer. They are drunk, drinking on our porch, shaving my husband's head. FML
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Top comments
afdude87 6
hmm people make typos?
three3_fml 2
Your wife is getting ******,
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Comments (259)
123RPG 0
Hey dude maybe her friend is married
yummycupcakegirl 0
She's probobly drunk too, typo maybe?
motero 0
oh **** dat! I would've told her bring ur ass home now! I'll give u $ here for her taxi. shhiiitttt I don't want no entrador
ipapix 0
It was probably a typo. She was probably drinking too, you never know, but if you guys are married you should learn how to trust her, & when she gets home just ask her why did she write "his" in the text instead of "her." If she was drinking its a possibility she did it on accident, or she coulda been driving & textin' & wasn't paying attention. Just don't ruin the marriage for a possible mistake. Good Luck.
Gunz24 0
ha ha. 103 do you like getting walked all over ? he's not being controlling. she is going to a guys house after she tried to hide that she was getting hammered with guys. she already lied. why didn't she invite the husband out ? why can't someone else stay with drunk or drunk go to her house ? too many ways out for her to stay over some guys house.
TryptamineDreame 0
I doubt she is cheating...when I drive and text, i make all kinds of crazy typos like that since sometimes I'll be talking to a friend or listening to music and I'll absent mindedly type a word that I hear, or will easily make a typo since I text while I'm driving sometimes. You don't have enough evidence to prove she is cheating on you, but don't be all up on her ass trying to see what shes doing, just ask her.
CodingSquirrel 3
Get the **** off the roads before you kill someone!
mzjane 0
Agreed. I can't believe someone could be that selfish. Your main concern should be that big piece of metal your driving around, that has the ability to kill.
mzjane 0
you're*
thelastavailable 13
145, you got it right the first time.
CodingSquirrel 3
Wrong "your" 150, try again.
mrjude 3
Maybe her friend has a boyfriend, and she's taking the friend to his house and staying there.
ringothedrummer 4
Win.
oldenuff2party 3
dude ur wifes getting porked.... or it could be a typo....
lyssgross 16
Grow up. Picture + porked = 10 year old kid.
InsaneGenius 0
My iPhone autocorrect never changes she to he.