Today, I woke up from a drunken daze and texted my best friend to take me back to my car. I got confused as to why our messages were green since it was iMessage. Well, come to find out I hooked up with her boyfriend in the bathroom the night before. I should mention I'm a dude, and so is he. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, the guy I've been sleeping with for the last three weeks got really drunk. I drove him home from the party and took care of him. At 2am he asked for the phone. When I asked what for, he said he wanted to drunk dial his girlfriend. FML
Today, I received a text message from my wife, who had gone out for the evening with some girlfriends, saying, "I have to take a friend home, she's drunk! I'll be staying at his place. Call you in the morning." Umm… His? FML
Today, I woke up beside a disgusting guy I didn't know. He told me he was the best friend of the handsome guy I was hitting on yesterday evening. I can't remember at which point I got mislead into bringing the wrong one home. FML
Today, I received a text from the guy I'm into, thanking me for helping him drunkenly stumble back to his apartment last night. He ended it with, "How long did you stay?" Apparently, he doesn't remember confessing his secret love for me, or the fantastic kiss that followed. FML
Today, I was texting this guy that I really liked. Things were going pretty well. I got a call from his number and excitedly answered it. It was his girlfriend asking if he was bothering me because he likes to text random people when he's drunk. FML
Today, I was holding my drunken friend's hair while she threw up in the toilet at a party. She said, crying, "Y'don't have to do this..." I told her that that's what friends are for. She replied, "Yeah, but I did sleep with your boyfriend..." FML
Today, I woke up on a friend's floor with a massive hangover after her party last night. My friend, who was next to me, barfed all over me. She then told me that while I was drunk last night, I made out with her dog as well as two of our other friend's boyfriends. FML
Today, my friend got drunk with me and texted my boyfriend, saying she was in love with him and missed him. Her brother came to my house since she got caught drunk and gave a “lecture” on responsibility. I don't know what’s worse, the lecture or the fact that he’s my boyfriend. FML
Today, I went to a bar with a close friend. She got drunk and was feeling sick, so I carried her to my car to take her to her house. Some stranger accused me of drugging her and tackled me with her in my arms. She threw up on me, and he took off running without an apology. FML
Today, I went to spend time with friends. The next thing I knew, I was waking up in my bed with several blocked contacts and text messages, saying that what I did was unacceptable. No drugs or alcohol were involved, and I have no memory of this. FML
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Top comments
Justkidding100 41
not sure what the iMessage has to do with anything, but you're not a very good friend. However, at least she knows to end that relationship now
newbiemalestr8 27
how does your messages being green lead to you remembering you had sex with her boyfriend????
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Comments (5)
Justkidding100 41
not sure what the iMessage has to do with anything, but you're not a very good friend. However, at least she knows to end that relationship now
kittycatkelss 29
the iMessage means he realized he was blocked!
newbiemalestr8 27
how does your messages being green lead to you remembering you had sex with her boyfriend????
kittycatkelss 29
the green means it sent as text instead of iMessage, because he’s been blocked!
Iamthebanzai22 21
My advice to you is: 1: Lay off the booze 2: You hooked up with a guy and your bestie is a girl. Maybe it's time to come to terms with the fact that you might be gay. 3: Apologize to her and hope for the best.
BurnInDemonFire 39
Guaranteed you took it. You're definitely a bitch both in and out of the bedroom. I hope your former friend finds people she can trust, and soon.
haydenhades 21
LOL at the boomers commenting and not knowing that blue to green texts means you’re blocked
JuneBleeds4 20
Nah, not boomers. People with taste who don't need to spend $1500 on crappy apple tech that is only now catching up to what Android has been doing for a decade.