Today, I met a girl at the bar. Things were going really well and we ended up going back to her place. Problem? Her husband who normally works the graveyard shift was home sick. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I received a text message from my wife, who had gone out for the evening with some girlfriends, saying, "I have to take a friend home, she's drunk! I'll be staying at his place. Call you in the morning." Umm… His? FML
Today, I met a girl at a bar. After buying her a few drinks, we decided to head back to her place. Not wanting to leave either of our cars, I followed her home. While driving, she sent me text because she missed her exit. I tried to text her back something witty and instead rear ended her. FML
Today, I finally went on a date with the girl I'm in love with. After dinner we went to the bar for drinks and things were going great. Right up until she went home with another guy. FML
Today, I went to a bar with some friends when my wife texted me asking where I was. Not wanting her to know I was at a bar, I told her I was still at work. She was sitting in the booth behind me. FML
Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML
Today, I took a girl out on a date. We had dinner, we had good conversation, the vibe was excellent, and everything was great. I took her to a bar I frequent after for a couple of drinks to finish the night. She left with some other dude on his motorcycle. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's husband for the first time. It went surprisingly well, despite neither of us knowing the other existed before tonight, but it's still a miserable situation no matter what. FML
Today, I went to work things out with my girlfriend, with whom I'd had a huge fight with. She told me the night before to come over at noon and that she would be awake. I unlocked the door to see that the place was a mess. She'd thrown a party and was still passed out naked next to her boss. FML
Today, I met a really nice girl at a club. One thing led to another, and she told me to meet her out front in 5 minutes. I was so drunk that I stumbled into the restroom instead, then curled up on the floor crying in despair when I realized my mistake. FML
Today, I met my wife's other husband. FML
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Top comments
xKoga 0
YDI for trying to get a quick one night stand, I highly doubt you were there for cookies and milk. If she isn't happy with her marriage she should step up and get a divorce, and not be a cheating *****.
tipoo_fml 0
YDI if you knew she was married, your life sucks if you didn't.
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Comments (66)
the_boss_fml 0
ioh shit broi that hella sucks man, gotta be care fucl with that shit cause you dont wanna end up with asss beatenn
olliec 0
What?
tttron 0
You need to study your grammar, son
Peroxide 3
Don't disrespect the boss! Talk to corporate! Approve memos! Like a boss! Shit on Debra's desk?
capnjax 0
Promote Synergy! Oh, and if the op knew the woman was married then YDI, if not FYL.
sleephunters 8
You must be black
seanreddog 4
Met a girl in bar... Went back to her place... Husband... YDI
Harpy20 24
Lol.
Harpy20 24
ROFL!!!
Harpy20 24
Don't assume he's black just because he's a fucktard. There's trash in every ethnic group.
xKoga 0
YDI for trying to get a quick one night stand, I highly doubt you were there for cookies and milk. If she isn't happy with her marriage she should step up and get a divorce, and not be a cheating *****.
OhHushDear 11
yeah, you deserved out if you knew...
schwinn11 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Should've just ***'d her in the car
Feverrotes 15
my thoughts exactly
capnjax 0
$50 applepineapple is a virgin.
Kukironosuke 16
apple~ is 16 says her profile, who cares if she's a virgin? people who take their pride in losing their virginity as young as possible are just stupid, you have no right to criticize her like that just cause she's not a **** who has sex on the first date
sleephunters 8
ohhhhhhhhhhhhh dang lol
waterynuggets 0
The irony is strong in #15's comment.
Xo_CuPcAkLuVa_oX 6
13~ Hmmm I didn't know being a virgin was bad. I guess I just have more respect for myself and others unlike you. Also um read a bible maybe you'll learn a thing or two.
Kukironosuke 16
in the year 2010 it will be wrong to screw on the first date, only idiots and *****/man ****** **** on the first date, people should date for love not 1 night stands, the whole bar/take home crowd of people are stupid and should get std's for having sex with people they barely know
No_Heart 0
I really can't tell if your joking or not, i hope you are.
Kukironosuke 16
me? im not kidding
caancoha 0
Kukirowhatever: Why does a girl have to be a **** if she has sex? Seriously. You're a dumbass that conforms to society's views.
Kukironosuke 16
i didnt say they were ***** for having sex, i said it cuz they had sex on the first date, i think 16-17 year olds should be able to have sex if they love their partner, and use protection, i think the 18+ rule should only be for unprotected sex, responsible older teenagers should be able to have sex if they want
Starfire22 5
Sounds like that hit a nerve... But seriously, it's not the having sex that's the problem, it's the having sex as a one night stand or on the first date that's the issue. You can have all the sex you want but at least date the person enough that you get to know them. Now of course this is just a generalization, people have different circumstances, but for the most part, people these days care more about the quantity not the quality of sexual relationships and partners.
Kukironosuke 16
not really i just always like to express my full opinion on all maters that interest me i dont like to make quick statements i try to explain all of my thoughts, even tho it usually comes out too long and jumbled with no sentence structure
artfreak21 0
So you're saying that once you turn eighteen you can have all the unprotected sex you want?
Kukironosuke 16
no but after 18 you have the right to make a baby, but you still shouldnt, babys can wait till 25~ but if some1 wants a baby at 18 all the power to them
lem0n_fml 0
Why the **** "should" you wait til 25 to have kids? If you've got the financial means and a loving home to raise the kid, why does it matter what age you are?
Kukironosuke 16
because kids are annoying? and you should live some of your adult life in a personal manner, after you have kids its all about them, no reason to rush into parenting when you just leave childhood
Suckazgetburned 0
Now yell at me all you want but having sex on the first date makes you a **** or manwhore or whatever because all the people you actually know dont wanna **** you in the firstplace, its because they dont like you? Got it? good. So why go around ******* random people if they got to know you they probably wouldnt screw you either?
CreepyStalker 0
Actually, this happens fairly often. It should probably be a posting on MLIA. As long as you weren't getting hot and heavy and he walked in/woke up, it's all good.
Dopeyrox 0
i agree with kikriowhatever and think it's stupid how kids today think it's cool to lose their virginity at 12. But the bar scenes a different story, if they want to have meaningless sex that's there thing I don't wish for them to get STDs though
Kukironosuke 16
the std thing was a bit much, but i personally think its a stupid idea, and it does risk their chance to get stds since you cant trust anybody you meet in a bar to tell you everything upfront, but yeah i dont really wish they get stds, i just wish people would be smarter and more patient
Kukironosuke 16
nothing, but that also infers the 2 single people know eachother enough, the only wrong thing is shacking up with somebody you met hours ago
sandsjh 0
Maybe that is why there are 4,000 abortions per day??? People having meaningless sex and killing an innocent newborn. There are morals this country is based on, and even atheist conservatives can agree on many things evangelicals can.