Today, I received a text message from my wife, who had gone out for the evening with some girlfriends, saying, "I have to take a friend home, she's drunk! I'll be staying at his place. Call you in the morning." Umm… His? FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, it’s almost half past midnight. I received a drunken voicemail from my husband saying that he won’t be coming home tonight because he’s too drunk to drive, but don’t worry, he’s staying at "Cindy’s house", safe and sound. Who's Cindy? FML
Today, my husband came home drunk off his ass at 2am. He started crying on my shoulder because he couldn't go home with some beautiful woman who hit on him, because sadly for him, he's married to me. FML
Today, I met a girl at the bar. Things were going really well and we ended up going back to her place. Problem? Her husband who normally works the graveyard shift was home sick. FML
Today, my friend got a text showing his girlfriend cheating on him. Sounds like his FML, but he was at my house. He then worked his way through a bottle of my whisky and went into a drunken rage. He threw my furniture through windows, punched holes in the wall, and smashed stuff until I had to call the cops. FML
Today, the guy I've been sleeping with for the last three weeks got really drunk. I drove him home from the party and took care of him. At 2am he asked for the phone. When I asked what for, he said he wanted to drunk dial his girlfriend. FML
Today, while trying to have a serious conversation with my husband about his drug use over text, he came home. Drunk. FML
Today, I went to a bar with some friends when my wife texted me asking where I was. Not wanting her to know I was at a bar, I told her I was still at work. She was sitting in the booth behind me. FML
Today, I woke up from a drunken daze and texted my best friend to take me back to my car. I got confused as to why our messages were green since it was iMessage. Well, come to find out I hooked up with her boyfriend in the bathroom the night before. I should mention I'm a dude, and so is he. FML
Today, I found out that my husband lied a few nights ago and was actually drinking with another woman at her house until after midnight. This woman is his best friend’s ex-fiancée, and she's been hitting on my husband for as long as I can remember. FML
Today, I woke up at 5 am to the voices of my husband, who I gave my blessing to go out last night, and his buddies entering our apartment. They came here because the buddy who had planned to house them had no beer. They are drunk, drinking on our porch, shaving my husband's head. FML
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Top comments
afdude87 6
hmm people make typos?
three3_fml 2
Your wife is getting ******,
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Comments (259)
afdude87 6
hmm people make typos?
Cazzybum 11
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Most likely a typo, you know how bizarre mobile auto-correct can be sometimes. Even so, maybe this female drunk friend lives with a guy, making it "his" place? So what? Don't you trust her? You're a douche OP.
xbella 8
agreed #7
Titus_Emperor 0
You so stupid, dont you understand the bitch is ******* some other guy ?
timma90 4
Nice of her to tell him though.
Titus_Emperor 0
Yeah you right the bitch is so nice to letting him now that she ***** around... she deserves a medal
DjeePee 25
Also agreed with 7. Eventhough she could be cheating, it's better to don't make assumptions yet. Have a talk with her.
Titus_Emperor 0
What talk ? Just dump the ******* ****
Timmy_Boy 17
disagree 7 how is op being a douche he has been sent a text that in his opinion, and everyone else's with basic smarts. implies that his partner is having an affair and also who would be so specific as to who the owner of the friends apartment is, wouldn't the partner of op try to hide that fact that she is staying overnight with/near a male also 7 your the douche
mycookiezz 0
Her friend is obviously a transexual... lol
dre_bro11 12
7, you're implying that the 'his' part of the FML is a typo. how do you know the 'she's' part isn't a typo and in fact OPs wife meant he's? don't just assume.
whippymcdumb4zs 0
_____ [dislike]*click*
Acousticpixie14 6
Um...if she was cheating, would she have said that she was staying with a guy? And did anyone stop to think that maybe this friend is gay?
cradle6 13
In vino veritas. "In wine there is truth." People are more honest when drunk. She could have easily said 'his' instead of her intended 'her.' And 7, don't even try that. So you'd say you would be totally okay with your significant other sleeping over at a girl's house that you don't know, while drunk no less? OP, it could have been a typo.
sugarr0babby0 0
oh no she didn't !
alliewillie 22
disagree 7. we see cheating constantly (especially on this site it seems) and so many people hit YDI because "they should have seen it coming". well HERE'S YOUR SIGN. and people are STILL saying YDI because he's being "paranoid and distrusting".
Acousticpixie14 6
Thank you #67
LoveMySoldier82 0
Autocorrect says the darndest things. Oh the tales mine can tell. I have to be careful because I was once describing something as an orgy of fail and so now autocorrect wants to replace a lot of words with that.
emi3611 0
agree #7
Cazzybum 11
Yes, 53, I would he happy with my boyfriend crashing at someone else's place, regardless of gender, and I believe he would be the same for me. Interestingly, it doesn't say that the OP's wife is drunk, just her friend. If you can assume she's drunk based on the fact her friend is, I can assume she's relatively sober - sober enough to look after her friend. In this case I'd agree with 48, if she was cheating she'd be stupid to say 'his' place.
cradle6 13
115-I think you're lying or didn't understand what I said. I have strong doubts that you'd be okay with your husband staying over at random women's houses, especially without consulting you beforehand. If youre really okay with that, then you're too good for this world. As for her not being drunk, very doubtful. But if she hadn't drunk anything, she could have driven herself home I would have guessed. OP's girl didn't ask him. She just did it.
soldier4life_88 0
I agree with 69
Lovari13 0
i agree
Acousticpixie14 6
Cradle6... I would also be okay with my spouse staying at someone's house regardless of gender. IT has nothing to do with being too good for this world, it's simply a matter of trust. If you cannot trust them to not be around the opposite gender without cheating, why are you married to them? Also, I would hardly think it would be a random man's house. If they are married, surely they know each other's friends? And finally, if she were drunk and had driven her friend home, then surely she would have been able to drive herself home as well. She didn't go home, not because she was drunk, but because her friend was sick and she was caring for him probably. She just said he was drunk, but not to what degree. I most certainly would stay with a friend if they were messed up after a night of drinking.
myrakaru 1
You're female and protecting. You say like there's no way of cheating. I tried myself - i can't get "her" to autocorrect to "his". It depends what message exactly was and they get along. Drunk people mind more likely is trying to say things on mind, not what they try to make up. There's enough to worry about but can't be sure. It would be easier to ask from her friends, what exactly happened.
Acousticpixie14 6
That was incredibly difficult for me to understand, but I'm going to take a whack at it... Being female has nothing to do with it, I would be saying the same thing if it was a male who had sent the text. Also, I have been agreeing this entire time that "his" would not be the typo here, I believe "she's" is the typo. And no, there are all these posts saying to call her, or ask her friends, or do some snooping, but when does ever really end well? If he can't trust his WIFE to be at another male's house for one night without sleeping with him, they have some marital problems. Asking him to trust her while she's cross-faded, ovulating, and alone with a half naked man who keeps trying to goad her throughout the night would be much more difficult.
Alpha35 4
KILL THE BETCH!!!!!!
deerescu 1
lol
afdude87 6
oh sweet, alpha is back. :/
Alpha35 4
Alfdude who da **** r u
nybler 1
cucklod
nikkamad 0
agreed with #31
nikkamad 0
lmfao 204
coolp3son 0
no it's because she lied to the husband saying se was with girlfriends when she was really with guys
ScottieJo 8
You're a retard.
hsRoseTyler5 14
I used to trust my boyfriend, no matter who he was with. Then he cheated on me with his hideous ex. I am now constantly asking him where he is who he's with. I trusted him because he had been in other relationships that were horrible and he never cheated on them, so I figured that I'm a good girlfriend, why should he cheat on me?
SubaruWRXSTI 16
I'm sure he trusts his wife sober, but since she's drunk she doesn't have much control over her actions, and not to mention the other guy could easily make a move on her in her vulnerable state. If you can't trust a drunk person with a car, how can you trust them to make the right decisions?
tools32 2
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
get rid of her
marmlr339 14
FYWife
Bandz_fml 3
Bazinga!
koolkat27 13
^lol sheldon referenceXD
three3_fml 2
Your wife is getting ******,
awesomesauceninj 0
^ no shit sherlock:P
averageirishman 0
...I laughed
LabRats_fml 4
Its nice to hear that from a dog
ChibiGirl5 0
lmao yeah cause dogs **** everything
mountneer 0
bad news is always better from a dog.
freshnfruity 0
LMAO.
Bill3485 3
i literally lol'd. comment was pretty blunt and picture was just a dog, but when combined... just epic
veryhighsleepygu 7
so do you don't lie
MLuckyCapoeirist 6
If your wife has girlfriends, then there are other issues that you must deal with.
MLuckyCapoeirist 6
even though translating "amie" from french to english can be tricky
gabinel1 0
i agree, im french and i always have trouble with that
dre_bro11 12
5, are you serious? What rock are you living under? It's ok for a girl to call other female friends 'girlfriends' without it implying some sexual relationship. Dumbass. Even if you're joking (which for your sake I hope you are) you're just making yourself look dumb.
sttrep 0
Win
MLuckyCapoeirist 6
1-It was a joke 2- I don't live under a rock, but in a french speaking country, thanks for taking that into account
emjay09 0
dude, 39 was talking to 5, not 15. duh.
crazysmurfette 6
5 and 15 are the same person. Duh.
xbella 8
she must've been drunk also..
waterpolohezy 6
no way! that is so unlikely! why would she be driving her friend home if she was drunk? that's dangerous you know. especially if she's taking "her" back to "his place" and not coming home until morning? gasp. I dot think she's drunk...
waterpolohezy 6
no way! that is so unlikely! why would she be driving her friend home if she was drunk? that's dangerous you know. especially if she's taking "her" back to "his place" and not coming home until morning? gasp. I dot think she's drunk...
Bobissmall 13
Wow 86/88 you're retarded. Not only does your sarcasm fail harder than your spelling, but it didn't mention driving or anything. It's more likely that in her drunken state she presumed OP would know who she meant by "his" and it could simply be that it was another friend of hers.
supertacowaffle 41
Cheating spouse
Frenchtony 17
I would never cheat on you!
GuyMcGee 0
I definitely would..
simba28 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
she's probably sleeping with him.
Ozmat 0
thanks captain obvious
sugarr0babby0 0
obvious captain thanks
MrRawwr84 0
captain thanks obvious
Alexxx125 0
captain obvious thanks
dancingqueen5678 1
obvious thanks captain.
Acousticpixie14 6
Thanks obvious captain
Severn_fml 0
C-C-COMBO BREAKER
tman118 0
**** off
NzxtZ06 0
divorce the bitch
ilpapagrande 16
Could be a typo, but most probably a freudian slip.
maybaybe 0
She sounds like she was drunk too :/
cganon 0
call her.