Milked Richard
Wagga Wagga, Australia
Today, I woke up with my penis taped inside a milk bottle. Yes, I'm as baffled as you are. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
tapeissticky591
Sherwood Park, Canada
Today, I woke up naked, duck-taped to the wall, with no memory of last night. FML
b.fritz
Saint Louis, United States
Today, I'm sitting in the emergency room because my girlfriend thought it would be funny to superglue my penis to my thigh while I was sleeping. FML
idontbleedfromthere
Indio, United States
Today, after having recently moved into shared accommodations, my prankster of a room-mate has somehow made sure I've yet again woken up with a tampon in my mouth. It's been three times in the past week. FML
Anonymous
Tordesillas, Spain
Today, I woke up after a night of partying and heavy drinking. Apparently word travels quickly, because everyone now knows that I spent hours lying in an empty bathtub, rubbing shampoo over my body with the expectation that it'd increase my penis size. FML
man-period?
Portland, United States
Today, I woke up to large spot of blood in my underwear. This wouldn't be too big a deal if I didn't have a penis. FML
umm...
Canberra, Australia
It's a witch!
Today, I caught my boyfriend in the bathtub interrogating his penis and "drowning" it when it wouldn't answer him. FML
whoslade
United States
Today, I woke up to a punch in the balls. FML
patronuscat?
Meow!
Today, I woke up in a guy's bed to one of his cats licking my nipples. FML
stitchwitch
The runs
Today, I found out that my psycho roommate replaced my milk with milk of magnesia. How? By taking a huge gulp. Tonight is going to be fun. FML
Olorin
Germany
Today, I woke up soaked in water. It seems at some point in the middle of the night, I woke up thirsty and opened the water bottle I keep on my nightstand. I managed to drink a little, but it seems I didn't manage to put the cap back on before losing consciousness again. FML
Top comments
adamjcurryy 19
I'd love to know the story behind this.
HereNReady 13
I think this may be the first time in 30 years that I literally have nothing to say. Enjoy therapy!
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Comments (117)
ToxicTyrael 26
The **** happened?
Mightyrif 23
Obviously OP has been milked.
Corey122726 17
I feel like the only person wondering just how big the opening on this milk bottle is. I've gone pee in Gatorade bottles and know I don't fit in one of those..... Generally speaking, a milk bottle neck is in comparison to a U.S. quarter. Now add tape on top of that, and you've got your self a one way ticket to the ER. Sorry o.p. Hope your little guy survives with minor cuts and scratches.
WolliBolli 23
Im guessing he just misunderstood the meaning of getting your dick wet..
RadikulRam 16
Maybe he wasn't erect?
Corey122726 17
#75 not trying to sound conceded at all by saying it doesn't matter..... Still not the slightest chance of fitting.
crandel 11
Maybe the milk was really cold and it shrank? Either that or he's just not well endowed at all.
Miss_Moody23 19
Here in Australia, most of our milk bottles have quite large openings. Yes, large enough to fit either an erect or flacid penis.
BrotherPhil 35
That would explain the tape.
adamjcurryy 19
I'd love to know the story behind this.
RobinGoodfellow 47
I just want to know what kind of tape was used. Should we be praying that this poor fellow wasn't a victim of duct tape?
Rocket___Candy 24
So does OP
HereNReady 13
I think this may be the first time in 30 years that I literally have nothing to say. Enjoy therapy!
False_Stupidity 42
And yet, you managed to say something about not having anything to say...
Dreamsorrow93 24
Someone sounds thirsty.
acommonman 23
better inside a bottle than caught in a fan, tbh
TheGreastest 24
maybe you just partied hard
dcb132z 17
I hope we get a follow up
Saltypumpking 12
Looks like someone's been practicing the Cowboy routine in their dreams
howsthisforaname 34
Follow up please.
TADspace 30
So THAT'S where the white stuff comes from!
Mightyrif 23
Exactly why everybody should swallow. It's good for your bones!
badgercheese94 16
#33, what if they are lactose intolerant?
Luke16eirb7deneuwn1 20
Why was I looking for this?!?