Today, I received a text message from my wife, who had gone out for the evening with some girlfriends, saying, "I have to take a friend home, she's drunk! I'll be staying at his place. Call you in the morning." Umm… His? FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, it’s almost half past midnight. I received a drunken voicemail from my husband saying that he won’t be coming home tonight because he’s too drunk to drive, but don’t worry, he’s staying at "Cindy’s house", safe and sound. Who's Cindy? FML
Today, my husband came home drunk off his ass at 2am. He started crying on my shoulder because he couldn't go home with some beautiful woman who hit on him, because sadly for him, he's married to me. FML
Today, I met a girl at the bar. Things were going really well and we ended up going back to her place. Problem? Her husband who normally works the graveyard shift was home sick. FML
Today, my friend got a text showing his girlfriend cheating on him. Sounds like his FML, but he was at my house. He then worked his way through a bottle of my whisky and went into a drunken rage. He threw my furniture through windows, punched holes in the wall, and smashed stuff until I had to call the cops. FML
Today, the guy I've been sleeping with for the last three weeks got really drunk. I drove him home from the party and took care of him. At 2am he asked for the phone. When I asked what for, he said he wanted to drunk dial his girlfriend. FML
Today, while trying to have a serious conversation with my husband about his drug use over text, he came home. Drunk. FML
Today, I went to a bar with some friends when my wife texted me asking where I was. Not wanting her to know I was at a bar, I told her I was still at work. She was sitting in the booth behind me. FML
Today, I woke up from a drunken daze and texted my best friend to take me back to my car. I got confused as to why our messages were green since it was iMessage. Well, come to find out I hooked up with her boyfriend in the bathroom the night before. I should mention I'm a dude, and so is he. FML
Today, I found out that my husband lied a few nights ago and was actually drinking with another woman at her house until after midnight. This woman is his best friend’s ex-fiancée, and she's been hitting on my husband for as long as I can remember. FML
Today, I woke up at 5 am to the voices of my husband, who I gave my blessing to go out last night, and his buddies entering our apartment. They came here because the buddy who had planned to house them had no beer. They are drunk, drinking on our porch, shaving my husband's head. FML
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Top comments
afdude87 6
hmm people make typos?
three3_fml 2
Your wife is getting ******,
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Comments (259)
GWOTVET 0
At least she's coming home in the same condition she should've left in...Freshly F*cked
alexavb15 4
Hey At Least She Toldd You!'
mzjane 0
People don't get this suspicious unless they already have suspected cheating or have caught wind of it. FYL because your thoughts have resorted to that.
megamandude455 10
maybe s/he's a shemale! if they sleep together op, then you are one lucky ************!!
hotchick90037 3
well it could have been a typo but if it wasn't I doubt she is doing anything wrong because she was honest with you
thelastavailable 13
Well done kids! Maybe next time we can move on to FOUR lettered sentences, ohh fun!!
gusgus36 5
aaaahhh no bueno :( sorry dude. there's a slight chance her text came out weird because she was drunk and it wasn't as bad as it sounded... prolly not though... :( so what happened, I wanna hear the rest of the story
caryhartline 0
you need to calm down. U obviously dont trust your wife.
ElectricGhost_fml 5
Ohhhhh Busted!!!
Heyballard 0
Dude. Calm down. She was most likely hammered too.