Today, I went to a bar with some friends when my wife texted me asking where I was. Not wanting her to know I was at a bar, I told her I was still at work. She was sitting in the booth behind me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my wife's parents came over, insisting they saw me at the bar at 1:30 p.m., talked to me, and that I left with another woman. I was at work all day. I have no idea what they are talking about, I've never done this. My wife doesn't believe me. FML
Today, I received a text message from my wife, who had gone out for the evening with some girlfriends, saying, "I have to take a friend home, she's drunk! I'll be staying at his place. Call you in the morning." Umm… His? FML
Today, I met a girl at the bar. Things were going really well and we ended up going back to her place. Problem? Her husband who normally works the graveyard shift was home sick. FML
Today, I called my husband during my lunch to tell him that I wanted to go out tonight for my birthday. We got in argument because he said we couldn't afford it. When I got home from work, he was gone, so I called his cell to see where he went. Answer: to the bar with his friends. FML
Today, I called out of work, making an elaborate claim my wife was sick, and that I HAD to stay home to take care of her, because I have never played hooky from work before. That afternoon, at a minor league hockey game as I'm buying a hotdog with my wife, my boss from behind me asked, "How's the fam?" FML
Today, I ignored my wife's phone calls at work, since all she ever wants to do is complain or talk about chores and projects. An hour later, security called my desk. She'd shown up at work to bitch me out for ignoring her. Now I'm the laughing stock of my workplace. FML
Today, I went on the road for work for the first time in a very long time. I was enjoying lunch with coworkers when my phone got bombarded with calls and texts. Turns out my wife and my mother had gotten into a fight within two hours of me being away. FML
Today, I went to my husband's work to give him lunch. His assistant told me his "wife" was in his office. FML
Today, I was dumped via text halfway through my 8-hour bar shift. I had to deal with my co-workers and customers asking me how my vacation with my now-ex was for the next 4 hours. FML
Today, my wife lied to me three times, saying she was at work but in reality she was home the whole day. Every time I ask her about it, she says she's not in the mood to talk. And says a lot of "I don't knows…" Almost like she has something to hide. FML
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Top comments
WCARlover 35
Ydi for lying
glutgyoogle 6
Fail. You better hope she's a forgiving person otherwise I'd get used to sleeping alone. YDI
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Comments (169)
WCARlover 35
Ydi for lying
CryMoreFMLs 15
Why does it matter if you're in a bar OP? Unless you planned on cheating on your wife, in which case you deserve no sympathy, there is no reason ro lie.
worldcupcheer17 0
you're screwed.
genesisnirvana 11
You've already learned the ways of a cheater.YDI
Keyman1212 14
That shit is called entrapment! She got your ass though... She got you.
Uraharas_Bankai 1
OP coulda asked the same question.
kyarush 10
What was she doing there? 0_o
Keyman1212 14
27- Drinking, ya dumbass.
krazy_glu3 0
Women always find out. So don't waste your time lying.
Kyzahhh 7
"Oh hello darling did I not tell you.. I work here now! "
Beanzie 0
She probably knew he was already there dumb butt.
tjnaprincess 8
Or she coulda been there lookin 4 him... While drinkin a few beers... Lls
dre_bro11 12
64, thank you so much for sharing that with us. Now other people with the same IQ as you will know.
LiLSumSum 0
you ****..she could be just following him since he might be doing this often!! AND may be she's wondering if he's cheating on her or not..
No_LoveMM 3
Lying is just a more indirect path to the truth.
WingedLovely27 20
Maybe he was a recovering alcoholic...or they recently had an argument because she felt he goes to bars too much (or, you know, is not with her enough). It doesn't necessarily need to revolve around cheating.
glutgyoogle 6
Fail. You better hope she's a forgiving person otherwise I'd get used to sleeping alone. YDI
WCARlover 35
Might as well set up camp on the couch
WIZchild 0
What could she have possibly done to you if you had told the truth?
hailphire130 0
Pillow fort!!!
DropTheDaggerxx 31
Exactly! She would've gotten pissed if you told her the truth, but a hell of a lot less pissed than she probably was at the lie.
CryMoreFMLs 15
I want a pillow fort, but sadly, my base is too fluffy to support any weight more then 5 nanograms.
HatesCrickets 0
YDI. Tell her the truth next time dumbass...
gchartier90 0
She probably got a laugh out of your stupidity
EnEl_Infierno 15
jus felz lik pissn off a fews gramar nasis. lol.
CryMoreFMLs 15
Mien grammar is gooder!
fthku 13
She wasn't exactly a shining pillar of honesty herself. Why would she text him that instead of walking up to him? it's her husband for crying out loud! No one likes people who play those sort of games; if you want honesty, you need to be honest yourself. Both FYL and YDI, OP.
reddawn85 8
Smooth move buddy. Honesty is the best policy. Another easy lesson learned the hard way.
Alexisthebestest 16
"Honesty is always the best policy." Something about cheesy life lesson quotes always make me smile. :)
kingkaid 4
It is important to remember, that by process of elimination, dishonesty is the second best policy.
beastin34 0
why was she in a bar?
WCARlover 35
She was trying to drink away her husband problems
MurphyS94 4
Yeah, that's just ridiculous...she should be in the kitchen with the rest of us women.
NeonBubblez 6
Maybe she wanted to follow him to see what he was really doing..?
lakaiskate 12
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
She doesn't know her place in the kitchen. Jk ladies I'm not rude :)
bloodypanda 0
lolllll :D I'm a girl and I find that funny.
iparker97 0
Uh to get a drink?
SpicyDuck 22
Same reason he was. Having a drink with friends?
JizzKhalifa 0
She was watching UFC Rio
mike307 11
Hope fully she was on a date planing on getting some. OP who cares why is she there... Why is he lying?
jaff23 11
Lies have a way of coming back and biting you on the arse. But ydi for lying!
je_suis_fml 11
He probably wanted some time to himself without her.. just in case she decided to join him. Either way he deserve the wrath for lying... "I'm at the bar honey having a quick drink... see you soon!"
azurewave 6
He could have been at work being a professional alcohol tester is hard work. You have to keep drinking without passing out.
YayFlameWarz 9
WHY DO ALL YOUR JOKES SUCK!?
poppinblue 9
Epic fail.
yomommma 6
Stop saying that.
Squirrelx 5
Just say it was a drunk text?
MCVelvet1497 3
Get her wasted, she won't remember what happened.