Today, I received a text message from my wife, who had gone out for the evening with some girlfriends, saying, "I have to take a friend home, she's drunk! I'll be staying at his place. Call you in the morning." Umm… His? FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, it’s almost half past midnight. I received a drunken voicemail from my husband saying that he won’t be coming home tonight because he’s too drunk to drive, but don’t worry, he’s staying at "Cindy’s house", safe and sound. Who's Cindy? FML
Today, my husband came home drunk off his ass at 2am. He started crying on my shoulder because he couldn't go home with some beautiful woman who hit on him, because sadly for him, he's married to me. FML
Today, I met a girl at the bar. Things were going really well and we ended up going back to her place. Problem? Her husband who normally works the graveyard shift was home sick. FML
Today, my friend got a text showing his girlfriend cheating on him. Sounds like his FML, but he was at my house. He then worked his way through a bottle of my whisky and went into a drunken rage. He threw my furniture through windows, punched holes in the wall, and smashed stuff until I had to call the cops. FML
Today, the guy I've been sleeping with for the last three weeks got really drunk. I drove him home from the party and took care of him. At 2am he asked for the phone. When I asked what for, he said he wanted to drunk dial his girlfriend. FML
Today, while trying to have a serious conversation with my husband about his drug use over text, he came home. Drunk. FML
Today, I went to a bar with some friends when my wife texted me asking where I was. Not wanting her to know I was at a bar, I told her I was still at work. She was sitting in the booth behind me. FML
Today, I woke up from a drunken daze and texted my best friend to take me back to my car. I got confused as to why our messages were green since it was iMessage. Well, come to find out I hooked up with her boyfriend in the bathroom the night before. I should mention I'm a dude, and so is he. FML
Today, I found out that my husband lied a few nights ago and was actually drinking with another woman at her house until after midnight. This woman is his best friend’s ex-fiancée, and she's been hitting on my husband for as long as I can remember. FML
Today, I woke up at 5 am to the voices of my husband, who I gave my blessing to go out last night, and his buddies entering our apartment. They came here because the buddy who had planned to house them had no beer. They are drunk, drinking on our porch, shaving my husband's head. FML
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Top comments
afdude87 6
hmm people make typos?
three3_fml 2
Your wife is getting ******,
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Comments (259)
ghad25 3
son of a b itch.....
kingtz 6
Op, time to have a long talk with your wife!
notsofriendly 17
original - Aujourd'hui, pendant la nuit, je reçois un SMS de ma compagne partie boire un verre avec des amies : "Obligée de ramener une copine chez elle. Trop bu ! Du coup, je couche chez lui. On se bipe demain matin." VDM direct translation - Today, during the night, I received a text from my wife who had gone out to drink a glass [of alcohol] with some female friends: "I have to bring a friend back to her house. Drank too much! So, I will sleep at his house. I will beep you tomorrow morning." she said "chez elle" one time, and then "chez lui" the next time. it's fairly obvious it wasn't a typo.
ideasrule 13
I really want to read this in the original French. In French, "friend" is "ami" for a male and "amie" for a female. "Drunk" also has 2 forms, depending on the gender of the drunk person. Of course, there are also different words for "he" and "she", as well as for "his place" and "her place". If the OP screwed up the gender of 1 out of these 4 words, I don't think that means anything. Who follows proper grammar when texting anyways?
Doortje 30
The original VDM has been posted twice now.
ideasrule 13
Oh wow, notsofriendly's post came just when I was saying that I wanted to read the original French. I agree that "chez lui" couldn't have been a typo, but not that it couldn't have been a mistake. I make silly mistakes like that all the time, in both English and French, and I doubt that any meaning could be read into them.
kaileigh10 2
whoa!!!
cajekraze 7
that's where you say "stay put, I'll come get you both"
mariazzz 5
those of you that are saying OP has trust issues, need to get a life!! she's taking a friend home cause she's drunk. fine take the friend home even if he's male. but to stay the night and not giving her husband a name of the friend? Wrong! if it's a guy and she's married.... even if you trust her IT'S INAPPROPRIATE!!!!! You just don't stay at a guys place. sorry she's got to go!!
ideasrule 13
"You just don't stay at a guys place"? First of all, we don't know that it is a guy's place; the OP used the feminine words 2 times and the masculine form only 1 time, so it could easily be a mistake. Second, if a friend is seriously drunk, you can't just take him home and leave him. Taking him to a hospital would be the most appropriate action, but failing that, you should at least stay with him until you're sure he won't pass out or choke on his own vomit. Sorry, but to me, the health (and possibly life) of a friend is more important than your unjustified and unsupported declaration that "even if you trust her IT'S INAPPROPRIATE".
ideasrule 13
You gave no reason why it should be inappropriate, but anybody with basic medical knowledge can give you every reason why you shouldn't leave a seriously drunk friend alone in his house.
yusaku02 20
better luck with your next wife
JohnFR33M4N 0
That's a free pass to throw a super-models-only-topless-cocktail-party in your house next week. Also, dump that *****.