Today, I received a text message from my wife, who had gone out for the evening with some girlfriends, saying, "I have to take a friend home, she's drunk! I'll be staying at his place. Call you in the morning." Umm… His? FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, it’s almost half past midnight. I received a drunken voicemail from my husband saying that he won’t be coming home tonight because he’s too drunk to drive, but don’t worry, he’s staying at "Cindy’s house", safe and sound. Who's Cindy? FML
Today, my husband came home drunk off his ass at 2am. He started crying on my shoulder because he couldn't go home with some beautiful woman who hit on him, because sadly for him, he's married to me. FML
Today, I met a girl at the bar. Things were going really well and we ended up going back to her place. Problem? Her husband who normally works the graveyard shift was home sick. FML
Today, my friend got a text showing his girlfriend cheating on him. Sounds like his FML, but he was at my house. He then worked his way through a bottle of my whisky and went into a drunken rage. He threw my furniture through windows, punched holes in the wall, and smashed stuff until I had to call the cops. FML
Today, the guy I've been sleeping with for the last three weeks got really drunk. I drove him home from the party and took care of him. At 2am he asked for the phone. When I asked what for, he said he wanted to drunk dial his girlfriend. FML
Today, while trying to have a serious conversation with my husband about his drug use over text, he came home. Drunk. FML
Today, I went to a bar with some friends when my wife texted me asking where I was. Not wanting her to know I was at a bar, I told her I was still at work. She was sitting in the booth behind me. FML
Today, I woke up from a drunken daze and texted my best friend to take me back to my car. I got confused as to why our messages were green since it was iMessage. Well, come to find out I hooked up with her boyfriend in the bathroom the night before. I should mention I'm a dude, and so is he. FML
Today, I found out that my husband lied a few nights ago and was actually drinking with another woman at her house until after midnight. This woman is his best friend’s ex-fiancée, and she's been hitting on my husband for as long as I can remember. FML
Today, I woke up at 5 am to the voices of my husband, who I gave my blessing to go out last night, and his buddies entering our apartment. They came here because the buddy who had planned to house them had no beer. They are drunk, drinking on our porch, shaving my husband's head. FML
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Top comments
afdude87 6
hmm people make typos?
three3_fml 2
Your wife is getting ******,
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Comments (259)
chrissie_nw 0
Sorry mate, she was in bed with her/him. Never trust a woman
Maciejas 8
Messieur Freud calls bullshit on your wife. Sorry, OP :)
Nukey 2
don't worry, even if it is a guy he's probably too drunk to get it up.
sallen0046 4
So your life is ****** because your wife, who was obviously in a location with copious amounts of alcohol, managed to confuse her pronouns in a text message? You seem to have serious trust issues with your wife. Why don't you work on that instead of being so busy jumping to conclusions.
xcrystal011 2
typo?
Shinygirlnz 1
It does sound like she's cheating. Poor OP.
ckjacques53198 0
either u trust her or you don't.
pearl20 0
are u shure she was just trying to be funny
steve583 0
sleep with her friend!
winterbite 0
damn bro :/