Today, I received a text message from my wife, who had gone out for the evening with some girlfriends, saying, "I have to take a friend home, she's drunk! I'll be staying at his place. Call you in the morning." Umm… His? FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, it’s almost half past midnight. I received a drunken voicemail from my husband saying that he won’t be coming home tonight because he’s too drunk to drive, but don’t worry, he’s staying at "Cindy’s house", safe and sound. Who's Cindy? FML
Today, my husband came home drunk off his ass at 2am. He started crying on my shoulder because he couldn't go home with some beautiful woman who hit on him, because sadly for him, he's married to me. FML
Today, I met a girl at the bar. Things were going really well and we ended up going back to her place. Problem? Her husband who normally works the graveyard shift was home sick. FML
Today, my friend got a text showing his girlfriend cheating on him. Sounds like his FML, but he was at my house. He then worked his way through a bottle of my whisky and went into a drunken rage. He threw my furniture through windows, punched holes in the wall, and smashed stuff until I had to call the cops. FML
Today, the guy I've been sleeping with for the last three weeks got really drunk. I drove him home from the party and took care of him. At 2am he asked for the phone. When I asked what for, he said he wanted to drunk dial his girlfriend. FML
Today, while trying to have a serious conversation with my husband about his drug use over text, he came home. Drunk. FML
Today, I went to a bar with some friends when my wife texted me asking where I was. Not wanting her to know I was at a bar, I told her I was still at work. She was sitting in the booth behind me. FML
Today, I woke up from a drunken daze and texted my best friend to take me back to my car. I got confused as to why our messages were green since it was iMessage. Well, come to find out I hooked up with her boyfriend in the bathroom the night before. I should mention I'm a dude, and so is he. FML
Today, I found out that my husband lied a few nights ago and was actually drinking with another woman at her house until after midnight. This woman is his best friend’s ex-fiancée, and she's been hitting on my husband for as long as I can remember. FML
Today, I woke up at 5 am to the voices of my husband, who I gave my blessing to go out last night, and his buddies entering our apartment. They came here because the buddy who had planned to house them had no beer. They are drunk, drinking on our porch, shaving my husband's head. FML
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Top comments
afdude87 6
hmm people make typos?
three3_fml 2
Your wife is getting ******,
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Comments (259)
Robertz18 0
**** that
TenderWhispers 0
OJ Simpson example
Trace01m 11
Wow, you married my exwife!
yeppers6502 0
she was probably trying to cover up the fact that she was cheating, so she pretended it was a girl. what probably happened after that was her subconscious didn't remember she was faking and accidentally wrote the true gender.
jmejoy 0
i like the wording, makes it funny ^^
Yeah_Thats_Me 0
Sirin I was reading your profile and it said you tried to submit two FMLs. :O
TaylorTotsYumm 10
Why is a woman having a male friend so unfathimable? I guess the fact that she hadn't told you earlier that it was a lad was the part that got you uneasy? Or was it just the fact that she's hanging out with a man and she should only have female friends?
momo1972 3
auto correct can be a bitch huh
flighted 1
what I thought was- she purposely said her friend is drunk so she has to take "her" home to make an excuse to be out late and since she was probably drunk herself, she forgot to put "her" house as well. because she probably wouldn't have typed "his" had she not been thinking of a guy, words don't pop into your head for no reason.
TheRealLori 0
I'd have replied, OK honey, I'll come pick you up. and called every minute or so to keep confirming the directions!