Today, I woke up to my girlfriend grinning at me, her hand on my junk. I grinned back, then looked down and saw blood smeared all over her hand and my junk. After I started screaming and crying, she laughed and said it was fake blood. She recorded everything. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my husband thought it would be hilarious to slip a little fake blood into the bathtub while I was relaxing in it, eyes closed. When I opened my eyes, the water was one big cloud of red. I screamed so loud that I might as well have been dying, and yes, he recorded everything. FML
Today, I wound up in hospital because my boyfriend covered my face in fake gore while I was sleeping, to see if I was really as scared of blood as I claimed. Sure enough, when I saw my reflection in the bathroom mirror, I fainted, smashing my head against the counter on the way down. FML
Today, I woke up at my girlfriend's house. She was staring at me, holding a knife over my face. She ran away, giggling. FML
Today, while I was fooling around with my girlfriend, she hurt her hand. It obviously wasn't very serious, so I told her to stop faking it. She responded, "Wanna know what I actually fake? My orgasms." FML
Today, I got so bored that I drew a face on my index finger, and made a video of me garrotting it with a string. I ended up rupturing a blood vessel, and had to think up a cover story for my girlfriend to explain my screaming. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job. As I reached my climax, she thought it would be funny to turn my 'weapon' against me. Boom, headshot. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to lose our virginity. When he saw blood, he panicked and started crying, convinced that he was bleeding out. FML
Today, I was play-wrestling with my girlfriend. I ended up with a cut, three bruises on my arm and a black eye. She just giggled the entire time. FML
Today, while laying in bed with my girlfriend, I felt her grab my manhood through a layer of blankets. I got a bit stiff, just in time for her to clench tight, and pull violently. She didn't know "it" was in her hand, as she was trying to cover herself with the blanket. My manhood is now red and swollen. FML
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Top comments
daliagrande 17
Your girlfriend is a bloody genius.
mete_orito 34
She is pure evil!!! Haha. I hope you won't get any psychological issues from this OP. ;-)
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Comments (157)
neonstarr 15
Link?
CoffeeChickBlows 13
Dump her. By which I mean take a ****-shaped dump on her chest and wait for the smell to wake her up. Bonus points if you shoot it in high framerate so you can make a really cool slow-motion version afterward.
Obey_StudBoii 23
You've got some head issues..
GAOStarr 15
Wow. She must really want you to break up with her.
griffy14 9
I agree. That's grounds for a break up.
CoDandBlowjobs 8
Seems like you have fun and humorous relationships.
superman3212 8
what a bitch I'd slap her
Ab5traktion_83 9
That's what I was about to say.
kelseythompson 27
Your junk is in her hand, slap her and she'll do you worse..
jwebster 8
Hm. Better dump her too. Cause if you don't, she will bite hard the next time she goes down on you. You do NOT respond to a prank with violence.
ShakeDisPlace 10
sounds like you had your period OP :D
Poetaster 10
Time for an alien birth...
Bloink 25
I've got to try this on my boyfriend... >:D
ThatsGoodCheese 3
OMG DUDE! Like, it's was for funzies, like totes LOL! What? why are you crying? /sarcasm I almost feel bad for you, except she's not an Ex. There are any number of man-boys who find pulling this sort of terror-prank the epitome of funny - you should introduce them and run far far away from them both.
Obey_StudBoii 23
That whole sentence was clearly ******.
XxcaitanatorXx 12
o that has to be the best prank ever just saying
RabbitOfAurora 28
... You started screaming and crying? I wouldn't count on you in the event of a real emergency.
ElectricEffect 13
You're right, because everybody who thinks they're bleeding out from their own junk should remain calm and collective...
knotcool 15
Especially as you girlfriend is holding your junk with a deranged smile on her face...