Today, I woke up to my girlfriend grinning at me, her hand on my junk. I grinned back, then looked down and saw blood smeared all over her hand and my junk. After I started screaming and crying, she laughed and said it was fake blood. She recorded everything. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband thought it would be hilarious to slip a little fake blood into the bathtub while I was relaxing in it, eyes closed. When I opened my eyes, the water was one big cloud of red. I screamed so loud that I might as well have been dying, and yes, he recorded everything. FML
Today, I wound up in hospital because my boyfriend covered my face in fake gore while I was sleeping, to see if I was really as scared of blood as I claimed. Sure enough, when I saw my reflection in the bathroom mirror, I fainted, smashing my head against the counter on the way down. FML
Today, I woke up at my girlfriend's house. She was staring at me, holding a knife over my face. She ran away, giggling. FML
Today, while I was fooling around with my girlfriend, she hurt her hand. It obviously wasn't very serious, so I told her to stop faking it. She responded, "Wanna know what I actually fake? My orgasms." FML
Today, I got so bored that I drew a face on my index finger, and made a video of me garrotting it with a string. I ended up rupturing a blood vessel, and had to think up a cover story for my girlfriend to explain my screaming. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job. As I reached my climax, she thought it would be funny to turn my 'weapon' against me. Boom, headshot. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to lose our virginity. When he saw blood, he panicked and started crying, convinced that he was bleeding out. FML
Today, I was play-wrestling with my girlfriend. I ended up with a cut, three bruises on my arm and a black eye. She just giggled the entire time. FML
Today, while laying in bed with my girlfriend, I felt her grab my manhood through a layer of blankets. I got a bit stiff, just in time for her to clench tight, and pull violently. She didn't know "it" was in her hand, as she was trying to cover herself with the blanket. My manhood is now red and swollen. FML
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Top comments
daliagrande 17
Your girlfriend is a bloody genius.
mete_orito 34
She is pure evil!!! Haha. I hope you won't get any psychological issues from this OP. ;-)
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Comments (157)
mete_orito 34
She is pure evil!!! Haha. I hope you won't get any psychological issues from this OP. ;-)
alexwow1 13
He's also going to get 1 million views on youtube
THEsuperMANLYman 10
Is it bad that i sorta want to see his reaction on video?
fuckyourlifeOP 25
53 - you'll see it when it becomes viral on YouTube
iBanana 17
Honestly, if I had woken up to a prank like that- there would be real blood.
IworkAt711 14
Im guessing that it wont be on youtube. Unless his junk isnt visible in the video.
webbface 25
53, I'm in the same boat with you!
angeluv_2014 22
As I was reading, I kept expecting OP's girlfriend to be like "now you know how it feels to bleed from the genitals! Make a period joke now! Mwuhahaha" for some reason.
ThorneCrossed 9
I remember the first time I had fake blood on my junk. Good times..
Blackcatluck 19
Good times? What kind of shit are you into?
Ari1337 15
same shit I'm into most likely...
1PersonIsMyWorld 22
some people like it freaky. I don't mind a little entertainment in the bed sometimes. :)
Blackcatluck 19
But #20 you have to deal with that shit every month!
MerrikBarbarian 9
30- I assume they meant phobophillia- arousal from being scared, or possibly blood play.
melkymac101 17
Really?
daliagrande 17
Your girlfriend is a bloody genius.
Ziggyboo 10
Literally!
theonlyone1 7
did you come up with that all by yourself lool
TheCamoWulf 17
That would be creepy to wake up to.
Starcatch77 20
I think that's the point of the FML...
TheCamoWulf 17
Yep, I was just agreeing that would be freaky.
cubanfriday 5
Damn. Traumatic
RadikulRam 16
I would've been scared more thinking I had a period, but that's me.
Danielle7994 18
What? Men can have periods too??
Catkam623 27
I'm sorry but I just don't trust anything that bleeds for a week and doesn't die.
Danielle7994 18
56, Women eventually die too...
kinky44 28
He means during the time of the period. Its a joke from a comedian but I forget which one.
Koppol 15
Manstration of course.
TheCamoWulf 17
@#98 it's a reference from the South Park movie.
tiana000 12
The reaction was probably worth it.
Ari1337 15
yep, that's why she recorded it!
cherylrenee 14
That's just plain evil & cruel. ):
kee_breezy32 34
it was a joke, chill! lol
ElricMustang 23
It was a joke, yes, and I would laugh about it later on... after my heart attack...
andits 21
Evil genius!!!! Evil evil evil!!! I'd have nightmares if that happened to me!
wildnargles 15
You have a penis?
amDes 11
Now I am somewhat of a jokester myself, however, this doesn't seem funny. It's more twisted than anything....