Today, I woke up to my girlfriend grinning at me, her hand on my junk. I grinned back, then looked down and saw blood smeared all over her hand and my junk. After I started screaming and crying, she laughed and said it was fake blood. She recorded everything. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my husband thought it would be hilarious to slip a little fake blood into the bathtub while I was relaxing in it, eyes closed. When I opened my eyes, the water was one big cloud of red. I screamed so loud that I might as well have been dying, and yes, he recorded everything. FML
Today, I wound up in hospital because my boyfriend covered my face in fake gore while I was sleeping, to see if I was really as scared of blood as I claimed. Sure enough, when I saw my reflection in the bathroom mirror, I fainted, smashing my head against the counter on the way down. FML
Today, I woke up at my girlfriend's house. She was staring at me, holding a knife over my face. She ran away, giggling. FML
Today, while I was fooling around with my girlfriend, she hurt her hand. It obviously wasn't very serious, so I told her to stop faking it. She responded, "Wanna know what I actually fake? My orgasms." FML
Today, I got so bored that I drew a face on my index finger, and made a video of me garrotting it with a string. I ended up rupturing a blood vessel, and had to think up a cover story for my girlfriend to explain my screaming. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job. As I reached my climax, she thought it would be funny to turn my 'weapon' against me. Boom, headshot. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to lose our virginity. When he saw blood, he panicked and started crying, convinced that he was bleeding out. FML
Today, I was play-wrestling with my girlfriend. I ended up with a cut, three bruises on my arm and a black eye. She just giggled the entire time. FML
Today, while laying in bed with my girlfriend, I felt her grab my manhood through a layer of blankets. I got a bit stiff, just in time for her to clench tight, and pull violently. She didn't know "it" was in her hand, as she was trying to cover herself with the blanket. My manhood is now red and swollen. FML
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Top comments
daliagrande 17
Your girlfriend is a bloody genius.
mete_orito 34
She is pure evil!!! Haha. I hope you won't get any psychological issues from this OP. ;-)
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Comments (157)
squideth 18
81, you're either not on FML much, don't read the comments, or are just willfully ignorant. FML's about women being pranked by their significant others are full of commenters telling the woman to "lighten up" and that the prank is hilarious. I am really sick of people like you bringing your "omfgg if the genders were reversed people would totally be saying different things!!!!!" argument needlessly into the comments section. Why? What the hell is your problem? Keep your delusions to yourself.
mrsnugglefunny 10
Wow in sorry but it could be worse, she coulda actually done it :)
fristinkristin 16
Even if that was a joke creepyy
pdp_fml 21
Well, your gf is quite something. Did she give you morning sex at least?
thatisfuckedup 6
Well, you still got better action than I had in my last relationship.
SasquatchDeluxe 10
I recommend not letting her near your junk until she stops being such a bloody idiot.
brandoneyez1 25
Payback is absolutely necessary !!!
Melix 31
Great sense of humor!
VancouverGuy89 9
That's actually pretty funny I hope you get her back just as good OP
Matrix159 13
The only joke I can get out of this, is that she is trying to prove the effects of the monstrosity we call a period O.o