Today, I got so bored that I drew a face on my index finger, and made a video of me garrotting it with a string. I ended up rupturing a blood vessel, and had to think up a cover story for my girlfriend to explain my screaming. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while at work, I managed to scrape open the inside of my nose with my fingernail, drawing blood in the process. I had to quickly up an explanation for my scream that didn't go: "Well, I was scouting for boogers..." FML
Today, I drew a face on a balloon and pretended to make out with it. The balloon popped and shot to the back of my throat, where it got caught. FML
Today, I wound up in hospital because my boyfriend covered my face in fake gore while I was sleeping, to see if I was really as scared of blood as I claimed. Sure enough, when I saw my reflection in the bathroom mirror, I fainted, smashing my head against the counter on the way down. FML
Today, as part of my job as a performer, I had to show off my skills with a switchblade in front of an audience. A kid shot a rubber band at me. I then needed stitches. FML
Today, I woke up to a bloody nose. Instead of rushing to the bathroom, I creatively dripped the blood over a knife for photography class because the assignment was to show emotion. So many of the students and faculty were disturbed that I'm now forced to talk to the school psychologist. FML
Today, my roommate let out a blood-curdling scream in the bathroom. I ran in to see what was going on, only to find her sitting on the toilet, topless. Turned out she'd tried to pierce her own tit using a clothespin and a needle. FML
Today, as I peeled a now soggy Band-Aid off my finger, I discovered that in the dim light of yesterday evening, I had, with great anxiety, wrapped it around the wrong finger. FML
Today, my brain-dead brother-in-law decided to play five finger fillet while at my place. Predictably, he ended up slicing a finger wide open. My mother-in-law now wants my blood, because she thinks I dared him to do it, and that clearly her perfect little angel couldn't be such a moron. FML
Today, my husband thought it would be hilarious to slip a little fake blood into the bathtub while I was relaxing in it, eyes closed. When I opened my eyes, the water was one big cloud of red. I screamed so loud that I might as well have been dying, and yes, he recorded everything. FML
Today, I sliced my finger open because my roommate's girlfriend put a broken ceramic plate in the recycling. I was putting some paper in the bin and all of a sudden, an inch and a half of my flesh is naked to the world. I don't have medical insurance, so I fixed it with Superglue. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
RahmEsHestos 5
You don't play video games? Other than that, why not take your girlfriend out somewhere?
kimmi41509 10
Damn, how tight did you tie that string to rupture a blood vessel? The pain and loss of circulation wasn't any indication first?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (56)
hoedang 3
ur an idiot lol
Justforlolz 14
*You're Think before you comment.
shanemaximo 7
At least it wasn't your penis.
silentbutfunny 0
Oh God!!! Now i have to come up with a story for my screaming
n_epic_fail 14
Link to the video or it dint happen...
juicystar777 4
that's silly ^ he must have deleted the video so his girlfriend couldn't have found it, otherwise he wouldn't have wrote he needed a cover up.
silentbutfunny 0
^ what?
bizarre_ftw 22
^^11 yo kid trying to understand FML
AnonymousTroll 2
Can someone find this wonderful video? I wish to expand my trolling areas.
ScaughtieHolden 11
v C-c-combo breaker. *edit* F*CK, damn troll messed it up. :[
hoedang 3
lol get over YOU'RE self haha
blegehlehgleh 0
Hang in there!
FurryRocks 10
It's derpy hooves *brohoof*
Jazzy_babe 2
I live my little pony!! I'm a PegaSIS!! :) pinkie is my favorite!! :)
FurryRocks 10
What?
FurryRocks 10
Sorry I saw something else about YouTube from you cool
Swiftly 0
I see what you did there
himoonkey 8
Derpy swag
ZeroIce 12
/)*( brohoof
DeathcoreDashie 11
A brohoof to all ye fine bronies /)
RahmEsHestos 5
You don't play video games? Other than that, why not take your girlfriend out somewhere?
chocol8m 6
Exactly. U have a girlfriend and u are bored??
Chixken 6
Haha that's funny
TheBeastiest 6
Smooth move. Seems like you won't be pointing a finger any time soon.
HarleyJM 7
Go away
SystemofaBlink41 27
Run. Run to the mountains up high and never come back.
TheEpicMilkMan 13
boredom strikes again!
LOLimCuteFML 0
Oh the joys of boredom :3
kimmi41509 10
Damn, how tight did you tie that string to rupture a blood vessel? The pain and loss of circulation wasn't any indication first?
adanielle76 1
I agree, but maybe he tried and it got stuck . Haha . Maybe it was karma from something in the past ?
adanielle76 1
I agree, but maybe he tried and it got stuck . Haha . Maybe it was karma from something in the past ?
alexdefran 0
I'm sorry, but you're ugly #7.
TrollBaby 8
Wow. That was necessary.
RaquelW 7
...she's not. at all. dick.
kimmi41509 10
Thank you 94 and 99 for disagreeing with 92, who doesn't even have a real picture of himself on here. Call me ugly, but maybe you're too ashamed to show your face! :)
perdix 31
You should have stuck with whole-hand activities. They are much safer and your girlfriend might really like the video ;)
SoSickWithIt 14
Are you implying fisting?...
perdix 31
I was thinking just a plain ol' rub and tug. Fisting yourself would not be very safe nor a pleasing cinematic subject.
Gothicbunnyx3 16
What the ****.
tennisrapper1 14
Was there ANYTHING you could've done more worthwhile than to do that? You definitely deserve that one!
crimsonprodigy 15
I think it's worthwhile, he made a video which will probably hit RWJ , after which OP will be swimming in YouTube money,lol.