Today, I woke up to my girlfriend grinning at me, her hand on my junk. I grinned back, then looked down and saw blood smeared all over her hand and my junk. After I started screaming and crying, she laughed and said it was fake blood. She recorded everything. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my husband thought it would be hilarious to slip a little fake blood into the bathtub while I was relaxing in it, eyes closed. When I opened my eyes, the water was one big cloud of red. I screamed so loud that I might as well have been dying, and yes, he recorded everything. FML
Today, I wound up in hospital because my boyfriend covered my face in fake gore while I was sleeping, to see if I was really as scared of blood as I claimed. Sure enough, when I saw my reflection in the bathroom mirror, I fainted, smashing my head against the counter on the way down. FML
Today, I woke up at my girlfriend's house. She was staring at me, holding a knife over my face. She ran away, giggling. FML
Today, while I was fooling around with my girlfriend, she hurt her hand. It obviously wasn't very serious, so I told her to stop faking it. She responded, "Wanna know what I actually fake? My orgasms." FML
Today, I got so bored that I drew a face on my index finger, and made a video of me garrotting it with a string. I ended up rupturing a blood vessel, and had to think up a cover story for my girlfriend to explain my screaming. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job. As I reached my climax, she thought it would be funny to turn my 'weapon' against me. Boom, headshot. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to lose our virginity. When he saw blood, he panicked and started crying, convinced that he was bleeding out. FML
Today, I was play-wrestling with my girlfriend. I ended up with a cut, three bruises on my arm and a black eye. She just giggled the entire time. FML
Today, while laying in bed with my girlfriend, I felt her grab my manhood through a layer of blankets. I got a bit stiff, just in time for her to clench tight, and pull violently. She didn't know "it" was in her hand, as she was trying to cover herself with the blanket. My manhood is now red and swollen. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
daliagrande 17
Your girlfriend is a bloody genius.
mete_orito 34
She is pure evil!!! Haha. I hope you won't get any psychological issues from this OP. ;-)
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (157)
Erery 16
Your gf is a prankster you can have fun with that ;)
HeartOfLead 24
Bloody hell! She's a nut!
iwadasn 33
Wouldn't you have noticed that you weren't in any pain?
EmsyyyRose13 24
If I saw blood on a place where there shouldn't be blood, I'd scream first, ask questions later.
Loff 16
At least your girlfriend didn't have scissors around it :$
kuma32792 2
That is the most hilarious thing I have ever heard. I hope one day to meet a woman like that. That is the kind of person I want ton have my kids. lol.
arre2006 19
You pussy
HarroIAmBob 21
shes definitely a keeper
ThePez828 18
How old are you and how old are the majority of these commenters? You weren't in any pain or discomfort. Either you have very little common sense or you have a severe fear of blood...
Princess107 3
Hahahahaha am going to soooo try this
gixiuz 6
Dump her..