bTOhno
United States
Today, I woke up at my girlfriend's house. She was staring at me, holding a knife over my face. She ran away, giggling. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
joe
United States
Today, my girlfriend snuck up behind me to cover my eyes and play "guess who." The second her hands touched my face, I grabbed her, twisted her wrists, and kneed her to the floor out of instinct. FML
Anonymous
United Kingdom
Today, I was helping tidy up after my girlfriend's flat warming. I went to put a sharp kitchen knife in the sink while she was washing dishes, and stabbed her in the finger instead. FML
innocent
Australia
It was an accident!
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML
permanently scarred
Today, I was assaulted and knocked out by a girl at school for talking to her boyfriend. I woke up in the emergency room. After she knocked me unconscious, she took a knife and carved her initials into my face. FML
awkwardpartybear
This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff
West Palm Beach, United States
Spooked
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to a figure holding a knife above me. After I screamed in terror, the figure burst into laughter. It was my mom. She did this as payback for me not washing the dishes last night after making food. FML
ouch
Livonia, United States
Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. She was so angry, she stabbed me in the hand with a plastic fork. FML
happybidet
United Kingdom
Today, my girlfriend woke me with a surprise up on my birthday. Unfortunately, it was her screaming at the top of her lungs and punching me in the face because of a nightmare. FML
RomanceFail
Crestwood, United States
Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML
thegirlofthedad
Mumbai, India
Today, I saw a lady who had fainted. I ran over to help, only to find out that she was unstable and had a knife in her hand. She was pointing it at me, and growled threateningly every time I tried to move away. It took the cops an hour to defuse the situation. FML
Anonymous
United States
Freaked out
Today, I woke up to the sound of footsteps outside my room. I investigated but found nothing. As I went back to my room, I heard a sort of giggling from inside. I was so scared, I grabbed my car keys, got the fuck out of there, and drove to my girlfriend's house in my pajamas. FML
Top comments
PandaPi 0
Check if your wang is still there!!!!!!
Accept 11
No, that's not creepy at all. o.o (Sarcasm)
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Comments (219)
Accept 11
No, that's not creepy at all. o.o (Sarcasm)
officeradvil 8
What kind of knife? It would be less creepy if it were a Spyderco or Benchmade.
mstarxo23 2
What ever happened to "Good Morning!" these days?
baddud300 6
Do the same thing to her except with a chainsaw.
Keyman1212 14
I don't know about y'all, but if I ever found myself in that situation, I wouldn't sleep at her house ever again, and I wouldn't let her sleep at my place. That's a life changing experience....
Laterial 3
My thoughts exactly! She's a "keeper"...
stro88 6
Only reason necessary to dump a chick. Bro you don't wanna end up like that dude that got his dick cut off by his wife.
theten_fml 9
Lol awe that's cute
Denial13 0
Hey #1 you're cute
Keyman1212 14
FML is not a dating site. If you are so interested in someone, PM them.
rallets 23
paranormal activity maybe? #73 what did jeffrey dahmer say to lorena bobbitt? "you gonna eat that?"
Pixxio_O 11
Stand over her with a block of cheese in your hand and run away giggling when she wakes up
smartypants96 3
um wtf is the point in holding cheese over her?? o_O
manMadeFAIL 7
Hey op check ur balls ....
zojieeu 6
Lol :D
JustHello123 1
What the hell?
ScaughtieHolden 11
GET OUT NOW
woody768 0
Lol ya 115 I was gonna say that. OP you should really check to be sure your balls are still there :P
DropTheDaggerxx 31
"It could be worse. A woman could cut off your penis while you're sleeping and toss it out the window of a moving car."
AssassinPanda69 6
HEHEHE 96 THUMBS UP
lulututu 4
I swear this is the funniest fml I've read:)
andy_l 14
ABORT MISSION, ABORT.
Pixxio_O 11
112- it would creep me out... 0.0
aztecz0r 6
Lmao
RacerX1695 1
What he woke up from a nightmare and sat up???
kelsey_katie 17
145, my thoughts exactly. This chock sounds like a physco women.... In sorry op...
muffins650 1
She was going to perform a circumcision.
xSwaGKinGx 0
my suggestion: move to Canada.
ayobreezyy 1
Could I get ur Facebook? :)
venstorm04 3
i completely agree
farhil 14
FALCON PAWNCH!!!
yankfan89 27
And then he can have it reattached and start his new career as a **** star
thamade1 0
What the ****? Nothing less expected from a blonde
chocomilkshake 5
112 I think it was just to make her really confused and nervous....or...er, mindf***'d.
drdingus 27
Right behind you!
Dr_Jalepenos 0
U mustve been like wtf just happened
matamo71421 3
lmao, imagine if she wore a halloween mask
ObeseKitten 0
If this was me I would've jumped on instinct.... *dumps girlfriend*
MagicallyFat 12
At least the cops will have a prime suspect in his murder. Unfortunately she can prob plead insanity. OP I would run away as fast I can
Neorecon19 18
Somehow, I think you need to get hold of the nearest mental hospital. Also, it might be a good idea to see how she reacts to the song "Psycho Killer" by Talking Heads
CookieMonstr19 0
I'm sure ur not second guessing ur relationship though right! 8-)
some_shit 0
probably woke up like "I swear I didn't do it!!!"
kingatowning 2
Did you check if you still had your penis? O__O
mango260 9
lols ummmm creepy! but that's a funny prank!!! haha
bizarre_ftw 22
Lol!!!! Quite true!!!! XD I should do that to someone!!!!!! But I think it'd be rather boring waiting for them to wake up....... *pondering face*
mango260 9
hahaha I know, just waiting hours until they wake up xD I was like omg I should try it on my ma! it probably won't end well lols ill be kicked off her will forsure and plus she'll probably stab me with it out of reflex lols xD haha
Hosea11 0
I like your profo picture :)
LordGoober 13
Just get a chainsaw off and take the chain off, put on a mask and crank It by someone's vef
mizz_m 2
What did you do to piss her off?! O_o
Gruv3r14 1
OP's lying. Half of FML's are lies.
PandaPi 0
Check if your wang is still there!!!!!!
StopDropNRoll 11
Or his kidney! I hears gf's take those too!
sheethapins 13
Especially after their romantic trip to Candy Mountain...
DarkHelmet 10
RIGHT!!!! My thoughts exactly!
CBRpoint6kRR 0
Guys, the first reply to this comment is referring to a previous FML in which a girl left her boyfriend after he gave her a kidney.. Not charlie the unicorn..
blinkingstarlet 15
lmao
neonblue120 6
The real question is, is she hot enough to risk being potentially murdered or horribly maimed?
demonspeed 0
Ah yes the hot/crazy scale. The scale all men live by.
faithxoxox 1
...himym? Also, I don't think any chick is that hot. That's just too psycho.
cBlackout 13
It might be time for a new girlfriend.. And u might wanna move.
danielreader22 4
I would've seriously shit myself. So sorry, OP.
carmenm 6
I'd be worried about that if I were you :/
deviable 9
Dump her before she kills you!
Steven696 6
If he dumps her I see a not so great ending for OP considering the circumstances
deviable 9
Oh you've got a point...
ykthechild 0
I has idea...he shold transfer his money and assets to a Swiss bank, dump her, get a permanent visa to Switzerland, chance his name and never come back
Elphieba 4
Why Switzerland?
duckman9 55
judging by the current exchange rate of the swiss franc, I would recommend waiting a couple of months.
bball234 6
because switzerland is notorious for never letting anything out of their banks and/or country no matter what unless the first owner comes for it. so it would be hard for her to get to him.
sheethapins 13
21 So does she...
deviable 9
Touche 126. Touche.
jedielf 23
Go dodge that bullet, buddy!
sheethapins 13
Perhaps literally.