Today, after hearing the doctor saying my girlfriend can never be pregnant, I got a bit too excited. I'm currently on the 5th hour of the silent treatment. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after screaming at me this morning, my wife has been giving me the silent treatment. We're trying to get pregnant, but she caught me masturbating, or "reducing my sperm count on purpose" as she called it. I just wanted some harmless fun with some porn, since getting pregnant has made actual sex a chore. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she's pregnant and I did not take it well. She had planned to record my happy reaction for Facebook; instead she got video of me bursting into tears, and trying to talk her into an emergency abortion. She sent it to my parents to punish me. FML
Today, I went to the doctor. They did a test and said they would email me the results. My girlfriend saw the email that said "The test was positive", and now she thinks I'm cheating on her with someone named Doctor Johnson. FML
Today, my doctor told me I'm pregnant. Since we've been trying for several years, I called my husband to tell him the good news. Not long after, my doctor called to inform me there'd been a clerical mix-up and I'm not actually pregnant after all. FML
Today, my girlfriend tells me she missed her period this month. I felt excited until she said, "I will let you know the results of the paternity test." I was not aware we needed a paternity test. FML
Today, I found out that I'm not actually pregnant. I've apparently been having a hysterical pregnancy because I want a child so badly. I don't know which was worse, the look of relief on my husband's face or having to send a mass email to inform my family and friends. FML
Today, my pregnancy test came back positive. My boyfriend is no fan of fatherhood, so it was with some hesitation that I called him and let him know I'm pregnant. He replied, "Like hell you are!" and hung up. He now refuses to answer any of my calls. FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend the silent treatment. He put his Facebook status as "When your girlfriend finally shuts up for once". FML
Today, my girlfriend missed our date, so I angrily texted her, telling her if she can't make our dates then we should break up, and generally telling her off. Five minutes later I get a picture of her sleeping in a hospital bed from her mother, saying, "Shut the fuck up, she had appendicitis." FML
Today, after months of trying for a baby and telling me how he wants a family and can't wait to have a kid with me, my boyfriend was relieved when I got a negative home test, saying he's not ready for kids yet. I took another test this morning. I'm pregnant. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Welshite 40
Get a vasectomy if you don't want children. Sympathize with your girlfriend because learning of infertility can be devastating for some.
GavinoFreedom 20
Well I would say that you deserved it but you already know that.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (322)
Arcanel 18
wow you deff deserved that one. sorry brother but completely ****** up on your part. I cant imagine how she felt in the moment where she expected to get support from her significant other he instead got excited for his own selfish reasons. D-bag of the year award goes to you.
susytreydawg 13
****, wish I couldn't have kids. some people have all the luck. :(
sayhisoph 26
What is wrong with you? ..
EdenZombies 9
That was selfish and insensitive of you. You're thinking with your dick and if you guys don't work out, you can choose to have kids later. She won't ever have that choice no matter who she's with. You owe her a massive apology.
pandaxpress 19
am I the only one that thinks this guy is a complete asshole and deserves to be donkey punched in the nuts? His girlfriend is already going through a tragedy, way to make it worse.
kaylabunny1999 22
My ex is going in 2 months after treating me like a sexual object
pandaxpress 19
I know this will get down votes, but what are you talking about?
lilliannemo 7
That's such an awful reaction. Man, you so deserved that one...
fohfuu 9
Your girlfriend's life plans were ruined and you were happy about that? YDI.
bluefairy_fml 24
How would you feel if you got cancer and your girlfriend was like: ”Oh, that's awesome, now you'll finally get rid of that long hair that turns me off!” ? You had a very douchy and immature reaction, OP.
thereheis 7
No more condoms for op. But that's really sad about you're girlfriend please be very sympathetic with her she's probably devestated.