Today, my girlfriend tells me she missed her period this month. I felt excited until she said, "I will let you know the results of the paternity test." I was not aware we needed a paternity test. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I told my boyfriend of 4 years that I'm pregnant. He suggested we get a paternity test done. FML
Today, my pregnant girlfriend asked me if she should take a pregnancy test to make sure the baby is really hers. FML
Today, three weeks after my girlfriend told me she was pregnant, she admitted it was a lie. Turned out it was just a test to see if I'd break up with her or not. I didn't, but I did just break the bank buying all the things we'd need for an actual kid. FML
Today, my girlfriend asked me to get her a pregnancy test. After using it, we couldn't find how to tell if she was or wasn't pregnant. After about 10 minutes of waiting, Google searching, and tension, I realized I had bought an ovulation test. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend is four months pregnant. She can't wait for us to be parents. I guess she forgot that I haven't seen her in 7 months. FML
Today, my boyfriend's mother found out that I'm three months pregnant. She told my boyfriend to put it up for adoption, and now wants a paternity test. FML
Today, my girlfriend blew up at me for a comment I had made several weeks ago about not wanting kids. Then, she told me that she's pregnant. After consoling her and telling her that whatever we do, we'll do it together, she further explained that she's not sure if it's mine. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was pregnant. She also said I'm going to be an uncle. FML
Today, my ex told me that she's 3 weeks pregnant with my child. Not only was she on her period when I broke up with her last week, her friend let me know that the positive pregnancy test she showed me was a fake that she'd bought online. FML
Today, while having a break up fight with my fiancée, she informed me that the paternity of our unborn child was in question because one of the other guys couldn't remember if he got off or not. FML
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Top comments
aggiegirl95 7
Guess its time to call Maury.
petethelovehorn 19
You're better off without her, OP!
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Comments (155)
petethelovehorn 19
You're better off without her, OP!
jake_braves 25
We need a follow up OP. When you figure it out.
Ms_ValS 27
This is stand up comedy material OP. Sorry it's your life though.
ThatHorse 15
Why? How do we know she just doesn't know the difference between the words "pregnancy" and "paternity"?
Lalala579121 28
96 - That's what I'm hoping, for OP's sake.
pjsr 33
Easy cum, easy go
lainlain_fml 15
That's what I was thinking, too. I don't think you can even get a paternity test until your 8-10th week; a missed period is closer to four weeks. She didn't even say "pregnant," just that she missed her period. She may have meant to say pregnancy test.
aggiegirl95 7
Guess its time to call Maury.
kkorn051212 18
1-800-choke-dat-hoe
krazy789 28
i would recommend steve wilkos
confused_wandere 26
JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!
whatunicorn 17
True, but I was thinking something along the lines of Jerry Springer.. that's where all the crazy shit happens
Jachin357 28
You are not the father!
djdeadly 14
They don't use enough enzymes that cut it then allow it to move the DNA through the current allowing for a higher chance of getting a positive.
teyyoshi 19
what's that？
UnluckyLatina 22
Can't wait for your Maury episode to air!
Xeivan 15
LOL^^
easilyboredone 8
Here's hoping she's pulling some twisted joke ?
Pleonasm 36
Oh she pulled something twisted alright, but she took it harder than a joke.
toastbrot 9
there is a little chance that she just mixed up the words and wanted to say pregnancy test?!
OceanGod 7
That took a sudden turn. Sorry your girlfriend is a **** OP, hopefully she finds out who it is and it works out.
Brunofk7 16
Leave her OP, she shouldnt need a parternity test to know if it's yours. You deserve better, FYL.
NickACD 27
No shit Sherlock. He even said, "I wasn't aware we needed a paternity test" showing that he ******* knows she is cheating.
Fmelikeuhateme 24
#14 is right... Even though he was... "aggressive", he's right.
AyeJay101 25
Don't leave! Child support is a bish
Geckosrock99 33
78, He doesn't need to pay child support if he can prove it isn't his kid.
Brunofk7 16
Damn #14 no need to be so rude. Chill out man this place is to relax and enjoy others misfortunes!
Malsain_fml 10
But even if it is his child, will he have to pay anything although she cheated on him? That's quite awful.
NickACD 27
I'd fight that in court if I were him
KrDizzy 16
Um...Yeah. What does them cheating have to do with you supporting your child financially? Wouldn't change the fact that it's his.
countryb_cth 38
Um yah cheating would because if she ****** another dude then it's probably not his kid. So yah cheating does have to do with child support.
mariri9206 32
144, Cheating has nothing to do with child support. If it's his, he should pay child support, no matter what -it's not the kid's fault and the kid shouldn't be punished for the mother's mistake. If it's not his, he shouldn't have to pay anything - they're not married, just dating, so, if it's not his kid, he doesn't owe anything.
mariri9206 32
123, are you saying the kid should suffer and not have the dad help the kid financially because the mother cheated? Why blame the kid - it's not their fault and they shouldn't be punished for their mother's mistake.
TheRiddler23 9
What a bitch
SebastianCT 14
Sorry to hear that OP. I hope you left her
moonjerky 9
Well that escalated quickly
GloUp_fml 18
You don't need her, if it's yours, be involved with it, but don't be with her. But if it's yours, congrats! FYL OP
Fmelikeuhateme 24
That didn't actually make sense... Are you saying something like "dump her but be involved with the kid of the guy who ****** your now-ex-girlfriend"?
JustinJK 21
No you moron. he said if the kid is OP'S to be involved, not with some random guy's kid. #11 said "if it's yours". The reading comprehension skills on FML are lacking.
CzaneWinters 9
So are the typing skills
sweetbliss3 37
it made perfect sense to me. sorry she's ******* around, but I really hope she misspoke and meant pregnancy test and not paternity.
JustinJK 21
Most of my typing is pretty decent. I forgot to capitalize a letter, but I rely on auto-capping from my phone. I'm not writing a resrarch paper. It' FML, not class.