Today, after hearing the doctor saying my girlfriend can never be pregnant, I got a bit too excited. I'm currently on the 5th hour of the silent treatment. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after screaming at me this morning, my wife has been giving me the silent treatment. We're trying to get pregnant, but she caught me masturbating, or "reducing my sperm count on purpose" as she called it. I just wanted some harmless fun with some porn, since getting pregnant has made actual sex a chore. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she's pregnant and I did not take it well. She had planned to record my happy reaction for Facebook; instead she got video of me bursting into tears, and trying to talk her into an emergency abortion. She sent it to my parents to punish me. FML
Today, I went to the doctor. They did a test and said they would email me the results. My girlfriend saw the email that said "The test was positive", and now she thinks I'm cheating on her with someone named Doctor Johnson. FML
Today, my doctor told me I'm pregnant. Since we've been trying for several years, I called my husband to tell him the good news. Not long after, my doctor called to inform me there'd been a clerical mix-up and I'm not actually pregnant after all. FML
Today, my girlfriend tells me she missed her period this month. I felt excited until she said, "I will let you know the results of the paternity test." I was not aware we needed a paternity test. FML
Today, I found out that I'm not actually pregnant. I've apparently been having a hysterical pregnancy because I want a child so badly. I don't know which was worse, the look of relief on my husband's face or having to send a mass email to inform my family and friends. FML
Today, my pregnancy test came back positive. My boyfriend is no fan of fatherhood, so it was with some hesitation that I called him and let him know I'm pregnant. He replied, "Like hell you are!" and hung up. He now refuses to answer any of my calls. FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend the silent treatment. He put his Facebook status as "When your girlfriend finally shuts up for once". FML
Today, my girlfriend missed our date, so I angrily texted her, telling her if she can't make our dates then we should break up, and generally telling her off. Five minutes later I get a picture of her sleeping in a hospital bed from her mother, saying, "Shut the fuck up, she had appendicitis." FML
Today, after months of trying for a baby and telling me how he wants a family and can't wait to have a kid with me, my boyfriend was relieved when I got a negative home test, saying he's not ready for kids yet. I took another test this morning. I'm pregnant. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
Get a vasectomy if you don't want children. Sympathize with your girlfriend because learning of infertility can be devastating for some.
GavinoFreedom 20
Well I would say that you deserved it but you already know that.
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Comments (322)
lilmatchgirl 8
you my friend are an ass plain and simple
TomeDr 25
Let me guess: the first thing you thought of was "great! Worry-free sex!" You are selfish to not automatically think of how devastating this would be for her. You need to grow up!
MandieL 27
As someone who has struggled with infertility, this kind of makes me want to punch you.
midnight0vixen 2
Just because you want children, doesn't mean everybody else wants them as well. OP is allowed to be happy about infertility, your life has got nothing to do with him.
allplayedout 20
He can be happy about his own infertility, then, not get excited about the terrible medical news of someone he supposedly cares about.
nevereyes 31
Honestly I would be excited/happy too.
danihammer 4
I hope she dumps you. She got horrible news and the first thing you thought of was your own satisfaction? Yay, you can have sex without condoms now! Except, well, your girlfriend may skip out on you because you're an insensitive asshole.
thathoeoverthere 7
No offense but your the asshole in the situation and this should be her fml not yours. Douche
mkayden 23
Learning this type of news can really turn somebody's life upside down and your reaction was really insensitive and selfish too, as you probably don't want kids. Ydi big time!
JD1147 27
You ****** selfish prick.
ThatOneGirl0101 11
That's literally the greatest blessing. I'm so happy for her.
ILikeKoalas 24
You are a horrible person OP. Finding that out can be devastating for women, and you're happy about it because you're only thinking about your own selfish needs.