Today, after hearing the doctor saying my girlfriend can never be pregnant, I got a bit too excited. I'm currently on the 5th hour of the silent treatment. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after screaming at me this morning, my wife has been giving me the silent treatment. We're trying to get pregnant, but she caught me masturbating, or "reducing my sperm count on purpose" as she called it. I just wanted some harmless fun with some porn, since getting pregnant has made actual sex a chore. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she's pregnant and I did not take it well. She had planned to record my happy reaction for Facebook; instead she got video of me bursting into tears, and trying to talk her into an emergency abortion. She sent it to my parents to punish me. FML
Today, I went to the doctor. They did a test and said they would email me the results. My girlfriend saw the email that said "The test was positive", and now she thinks I'm cheating on her with someone named Doctor Johnson. FML
Today, my doctor told me I'm pregnant. Since we've been trying for several years, I called my husband to tell him the good news. Not long after, my doctor called to inform me there'd been a clerical mix-up and I'm not actually pregnant after all. FML
Today, my girlfriend tells me she missed her period this month. I felt excited until she said, "I will let you know the results of the paternity test." I was not aware we needed a paternity test. FML
Today, I went to my gynecologist's for a check-up. After the doctor checked me I went to the bathroom. It turns out the walls aren't soundproofed, because I could hear the doctor telling his assistant, "God! How did she ever find a husband?" FML
Today, I found out that I'm not actually pregnant. I've apparently been having a hysterical pregnancy because I want a child so badly. I don't know which was worse, the look of relief on my husband's face or having to send a mass email to inform my family and friends. FML
Today, my pregnancy test came back positive. My boyfriend is no fan of fatherhood, so it was with some hesitation that I called him and let him know I'm pregnant. He replied, "Like hell you are!" and hung up. He now refuses to answer any of my calls. FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend the silent treatment. He put his Facebook status as "When your girlfriend finally shuts up for once". FML
Today, my girlfriend missed our date, so I angrily texted her, telling her if she can't make our dates then we should break up, and generally telling her off. Five minutes later I get a picture of her sleeping in a hospital bed from her mother, saying, "Shut the fuck up, she had appendicitis." FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
Get a vasectomy if you don't want children. Sympathize with your girlfriend because learning of infertility can be devastating for some.
GavinoFreedom 20
Well I would say that you deserved it but you already know that.
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Comments (322)
iwadasn 33
I'm surprised you were able to get a girlfriend in the first place when you clearly have zero compassion.
vikky538 29
Sorry to hear that
ViviMage 40
I don't want kids, and with PCOS for three generations on my mother's side that worsens each generation it is unlikely I can get pregnant. (Not impossible, but unlikely). She might have cared to have kids and was told she can't, and your joy is just being insensitive to her pain. I've heard of 4 women told that are 100% infertile having children because no birth control and something like weight loss occurred to correct hormones. Never say never.
dominjew 12
You, sir, are a class A dick
MlleMC_fml 19
You more than deserve it! Being told I'm infertile is my worst nightmare, and if I was in your girlfriend's place, you'd probably be missing a few pieces by now.
militarybrat 21
You are a grade A asshole. YDI.
Amiablejessy 3
And dick of the year award goes tooo...
marcranger 29
OP, I can't help but sympathize with your instinctive reaction. Having kids would literally be a life-ruiner for me...little kids disgust me, I despise being needed and responsible for someone else's well-being, and perhaps most importantly, the hormones from pregnancy and birth would likely topple the neurochemical balance I've struggled with so many meds for so long to achieve. Finding out that I never had to worry about that danger ever again would be a dream come true for me! But obviously your girlfriend is coming from a vastly different place than I am, and as you've already figured out, you really should have bitten your tongue. I don't think things are ever going to be the same in your relationship again, OP, so just bear this lesson in mind for the next time.
daemonsparta 16
yeah you were kind of an asshole op..take your punishment
clawstrophobic 15
Girlfriend? What girlfriend? All I see is someone who really doesn't deserve one