Today, after hearing the doctor saying my girlfriend can never be pregnant, I got a bit too excited. I'm currently on the 5th hour of the silent treatment. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after screaming at me this morning, my wife has been giving me the silent treatment. We're trying to get pregnant, but she caught me masturbating, or "reducing my sperm count on purpose" as she called it. I just wanted some harmless fun with some porn, since getting pregnant has made actual sex a chore. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she's pregnant and I did not take it well. She had planned to record my happy reaction for Facebook; instead she got video of me bursting into tears, and trying to talk her into an emergency abortion. She sent it to my parents to punish me. FML
Today, I went to the doctor. They did a test and said they would email me the results. My girlfriend saw the email that said "The test was positive", and now she thinks I'm cheating on her with someone named Doctor Johnson. FML
Today, my doctor told me I'm pregnant. Since we've been trying for several years, I called my husband to tell him the good news. Not long after, my doctor called to inform me there'd been a clerical mix-up and I'm not actually pregnant after all. FML
Today, my girlfriend tells me she missed her period this month. I felt excited until she said, "I will let you know the results of the paternity test." I was not aware we needed a paternity test. FML
Today, I found out that I'm not actually pregnant. I've apparently been having a hysterical pregnancy because I want a child so badly. I don't know which was worse, the look of relief on my husband's face or having to send a mass email to inform my family and friends. FML
Today, my pregnancy test came back positive. My boyfriend is no fan of fatherhood, so it was with some hesitation that I called him and let him know I'm pregnant. He replied, "Like hell you are!" and hung up. He now refuses to answer any of my calls. FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend the silent treatment. He put his Facebook status as "When your girlfriend finally shuts up for once". FML
Today, my girlfriend missed our date, so I angrily texted her, telling her if she can't make our dates then we should break up, and generally telling her off. Five minutes later I get a picture of her sleeping in a hospital bed from her mother, saying, "Shut the fuck up, she had appendicitis." FML
Today, after months of trying for a baby and telling me how he wants a family and can't wait to have a kid with me, my boyfriend was relieved when I got a negative home test, saying he's not ready for kids yet. I took another test this morning. I'm pregnant. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
Get a vasectomy if you don't want children. Sympathize with your girlfriend because learning of infertility can be devastating for some.
GavinoFreedom 20
Well I would say that you deserved it but you already know that.
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Comments (322)
Saraishi 25
Clicked FML by mistake. YDI, 5h of silence is nothing compared to your insensability.
allplayedout 20
I wish I could hit YDI twice. Finding out about infertility is traumatic news even if someone didn't want kids--there's never anything good about having such a major decision made for you. And you chose to take that situation, refocus it on yourself ("whoa I'm so psyched my gf can't get preggo this so so great for me") and behave completely devoid of empathy or compassion. I hope you don't expect to find any here.
hordriss 14
You are are jerk. Someone being told they are infertile is awful.
nipbiff 3
what a horrible thing to get excited about ! You're lucky to get the silent treatment, I can imagine many other women would have just left your insensitive ass.
VaeminaDreams 3
Congratulations! You won! You're our First Place Asshole!
ShartandSweet 9
you totally deserved that. that's just rude.
SlapsKnee 12
Yeah, your life sucks because you're a ********.
thatonetribute 31
You freaking deserve it. Hell, you'd deserve to be neutered! You're such a douche!
AdmiralRiffRaff 7
Wow, the comments here are horrible. OP might not want children, and his girlfriend was maybe pressuring him into it. It sucks for her not to be able to have kids, but don't demonize OP because you don't know the full story.
mayhemily 7
She should dump you